A Family Of Her Own
by SVULAWYER1
Summary: "I mean what we did was a mistake right?" Elliot and Olivia have a one night stand. Where he lacks, someone else will be there to pick up. Eventual EO but not without some drama along the way
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but my thoughts

Elliot's POV

"CLEAR!"

I watch your body come up off the gurney and quickly release with a thump. I can't believe I let this happen. I was suppose to always have your back. I would give anything to have taken that bullet for you. I know that to others I'm just your partner but to me, you're my everything. I knew I loved you the moment I saw you. But now in this moment, I'm sorry I never told you.

"You gotta save her" I say "please don't let her die" I say it a little louder this time. Feeling a hand on my shoulder, a nurse gently pushes me back out of the room. I want to object but I have no control over by body.

_**FEW DAYS EARLIER**_

Olivia and Elliot both stood in the bathroom. The stalls had been checked and when they turned up empty, the door had been locked

Elliot propped the plastic bag he had in his hand up on the sink and turned to look at his partner "ok, so I got like five different types of tests" he was fumbling with the bag

Olivia knew he was nervous. Hell, she was just as nervous as him if not more. Silently, she took one of the boxes out of the bag and walked into the stall closest to the pair.

"So what do you think about the Harmon case? Do you think the kid meant to kill his parents?" he was trying to make small talk. Anything to keep him from going crazy.

She pulled up her pants in one swift move and lifted her foot to flush the toilet. Walking out into the area that occupied her partner "I don't know" she rested the content from her hand on the sink and washed her hands "I mean on the one hand he was remorseful about what happened but at the same time, the look in his eyes El" she let out a sigh and shook her head.

They stood with their backs against the sink for a couple more minutes until Olivia's phone beeped. She looked down at the white stick on the counter. Her heart was beating faster then ever. Lifting it up, two lines greeted her eyes. She turned to him, her face blank. Before she could speak he was talking.

"It's a no isn't it" he let out a breath "oh thank god" a smile crept up on his face. He had a wife at home and five kids. They had just gotten back together and in his mind what he and Olivia had or didn't have wasn't serious.

"I mean what we did was a mistake right?" it sounded like he was trying to reassure himself more then her.

She looked at him. Though her face was blank before, it wasn't now. Her eyes said it all. She threw away the test and grabbed the bag. She looked up at him before walking out.

"Yeah El, it's a no"

She unlocked the door and walked out before he could see the tears coming down her face. She walked to her desk and got her jacket from the back of her chair. She was in no mood to work. She did an about face and walked into the captains office.

"Cap, this flu is getting the best of me right now. You think I can have the rest of the day off?"

"Yeah sure Liv. Take as much time as you need. I don't want you getting the rest of the guys sick"

She walked away and past the looks that her co-workers were giving her. She didn't, however, manage to dodge the one look she really didn't want casted on her. Elliot's.

"Hey, hey, you ok? What's going on? You leaving?" he tried to look her in the eyes but she was doing a damn good job at looking anywhere but in his.

"Yeah, I'm not feeling good. I'll see you later" with that she walked away. Fresh tears flowed down her face as she made her way to her car.

She threw her stuff into the passenger's side and slid into the driver's seat. Starting the car, she put her hands on the steering wheel as she began to back out of her parking spot. As she drove through the city she began to think. _Am I nothing to him. Was I just a quick fuck? Just a way to relieve some sexual tension. Silly me for thinking that after twelve years of being partners, he might actually feel the same way I did. Maybe it's a guy thing. Not the first time I've been used for sexual favors. Difference is, he wasn't some blind date Alex or Casey tried to set me up on. This time it was Elliot. _She came to a stop in a parking spot surprisingly in front of her building. She put the car in park and took the key out of the ignition.

Softly, as if the child inside could feel it, she laid her hand on her flat stomach. "Don't worry little one. Even if your dad doesn't want you, I do". She grabbed her things and got out of the car. When she stepped onto the sidewalk she looked at her watch. It was only two o'clock. She'd go on to tell her next door neighbor that she was home early and didn't have to pick up Calvin from school. In return the twenty-something year old asked her if everything was alright.

"Yeah everything's good, Kelly" 

"Okay Ms. B. If you change your mind and need me to pick him up just let me know, I don't have class until seven today" the girl slid back into her apartment and Olivia retreated to hers. Rolling her neck a few times, satisfied when she heard a few pops, she walked into the kitchen. He stomach was still churning so she went to the sink and got a glass of water.

"Whoever named it morning sickness obviously wasn't pregnant" she said out loud. As the rest of the afternoon progressed or at least until she had to go pick up Calvin, all she could think about was the person growing inside of her.

**A/N:** Sooooo I haven't written in a loooonng while but I had this in my head. Some reviews would be lovely darlin's but reading it will do just fine too.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** ok so in the chapter before when I said "a few days before" I really meant a week.

Olivia drove up to the school, got out the car and braced herself for the crowd of kids that were about to coming barreling out of the two red doors. Her mind must have been elsewhere because before she knew it, Calvin was standing in front of her.

"Earth to Olivia" the boy half her size waved his hands in her face trying to get her attention.

"huh?" she shook her head "hey kiddo. How was school?" she bent down and kissed him on the top of his head before ushering him into the back seat. She stood there and waited for him to put on his seatbelt.

"Liv, please! I think at this age, I know how to put on my seatbelt myself. I'm not a baby!"

Olivia rolled her eyes "of course you're not" she said with a chuckle.

The drive home was a silent one yet again which was causing Olivia to think back on the days earlier events. Hearing some sort of beeping coming from the backseat, she waited till she got to the stop light to turn and look at the young boy.

"Calvin, did you bring that to school with you?" she was referring to the blue DSi he was playing with.

The boy looked up at her "uh, no?"

When the car behind her honked their horn she turned around and began to dive again. She looked at the boy periodically through the rear view mirror.

"You know you're not suppose to bring that to school. In fact, if I recall correctly, I told you this morning that you couldn't take your DSi to school" she sternly scolded the boy

"Give it here" she reached her arm to the back and waited for him to put it in her hand.

"You're such a bitch just like my real mom"

"Excuse me!"

The car came to a screeching halt in front of their building. She turned to face the back seat but Calvin was already half way out the door. Usually when there was no parking in sight, she'd let him go inside and wait with the doorman.

She drove around for a while until she found a spot. Walking back to her building, another wave of nausea came over here and she ducked to the side and began to gag.

She stood and tried to regain her balance. When she felt safe to walk again she made her way to her building. _Ok when I get in there I'm not going to scream at him. We're going to just have a calm conversation. I'll tell him what he did was wrong and let him know that cursing is not ok. _

Her stomach flipped again. She put her hand on her non-existent belly. "kid, I'm gonna need you to relax in there. Just do mama this one favor and re-lax"

She reached the building and looked towards the desk that she'd seen her child sit behind so many times watching the miniature tv with the doorman.

"Hey JoJo, thanks for watching Calvin for me. Parking around here is ridiculous now. I remember when no one had a car" she gave him a smile.

"Was it that no one had a car or that you were the only one living over here back in 18 BC" the young door man chuckled and ducked as Olivia through an old balled up receipt at him.

"Haha very funny. Ok Calvin lets go before I have to arrest JoJo for his corny jokes" she was walking towards the elevator when the young man spoke up again.

"Uh Ms. Olivia, Calvin already went upstairs. He said that it was ok and that you told him to go straight to the apartment"

"ok" she got on the waiting elevator and hit the button for the fourth floor.

She knew the boy didn't have a set of keys and she had put all the locks on before she went to pick him up so when he wasn't waiting for her outside the door, she couldn't help but to panic a little. His back pack was hanging on the door knob. He'd been there but wasn't now. She walked over to the apartment at the end of the hall and knocked.

"Oh hey Ms. B. What's up?"

"Did Calvin come over here?"

"Nope. I thought you were picking him up"

"Yeah, I did but he was suppose to wait with JoJo downstairs until I found parking"

"Maybe he's in the house. Or try the staircase. Wait here and I'll grabbed my jacket and help you look for him"

They both searched high and low for the boy. They checked the stairs and the house. They knocked on everyone's doors but still no Calvin.

"this can't be happening. Where could he have gone? He has no money and no form or transportation. What the hell" she was trying to keep it together. The last thing she wanted was to breakdown in front of this girl.

She picked up her phone and hit the speed dial that was all too familiar.

She listened to the voicemail message as it played and then she talked into the phone.

"El, call me back when you get this"

She hung up and put the phone back in her pocket. For a brief moment she wondered of calling her partner was the right thing. She was quickly broken out of her thoughts by the voice of the girl beside her.

"I'm sure he's around here somewhere" she started to walk towards the steps "come on. I think I know where he might be"

They walked a few blocks until they came to a playground. Olivia was the first to spot him over by the tire-swing. There were a couple boys standing around him. They were calling names and knocking him around. They started to run towards the boy, she took out her badge and flashed it in the direction of the group of boys.

"Calvin!"

The boys started to run away and Olivia dropped to her knees.

"Calvin, you okay sweetie. Come on talk to me. You okay?" she was unzipping his jacket trying to make sure the boy had no injuries.

"Get off me!" the little boy shouted.

"HEY! Don't you dare talk to your mother like that" the voice was strong. That of a man.

Olivia turned to see who was talking and was surprised at who she saw.

"She's NOT my mother. I hate her!"

Trevor Langan crouched down in front of the boy.

"I don't know what happened but I do know that Olivia loves you like her own. You know, I was adopted too. My mom and dad gave me up when I was seven and I hated them for it. All that hate I had for them, I took out on my adoptive parents when all they were trying to do was love me the way everyone should be loved" he sat beside Calvin and gave him a nudge "I know Olivia will never be your real mother but cut her some slack. She's trying"

The young boy looked up at the man beside him and then at Olivia. "I'm sorry Liv. I only brought the DSi to school so that the other kids would like me and then when I came here to the park they tried to take it from me" he stood and walked over to her "do you still love me even though I said I hated you?"

"Of course I do" she pulled him into a hug. Retracting him to arms length she looked him in the eyes "but this whole running away and talking back has to stop. I'm new at this whole "mom" thing so bare with my okay kiddo"

"I'm sorry"

"I know"

Olivia turned with the boy and looked at the man and woman standing before them.

"Calvin can you go with Kelly for a minute while I talk to Trevor"

"Yeah, sure Liv"

"So, I owe you a big thank you" she looked the taller man in his eyes.

"Yeah well I was here with my daughter and I saw you and the blonde come running in and I thought maybe you were working a case or something. Then I saw that it was Calvin and well…"

"Wait, you have a kid? The big bad wolf is a father" she nodded her head up and down "interesting" they began to walk out of the park well aware of the stares of the fellow parents.

She gave a smile to the onlookers. A reassurance that everything was ok. To that, the crowd moved on and went about their business.

He looked in the direction of the jungle gym and spotted a little blonde he was looking for.

"Jazzy, it's time to go!"

"Oh come on pops. I ain't finish playin yet. Five more minutes please"

"Now, Jazlyn!"

"Fine!"

The girl came running over. Her hair was in two pigtail braids and a she had on a hoodie that read "I'm not short, I'm fun size" and a pair of green sweatpants that had JETS printed along the side.

"Jazzy, this is Ms. Olivia"

Olivia blushed. "Please, call me Olivia or Liv"

"Okay" Jazzy walked over to the bench and grabbed her backpack and coat and handed it to Trevor.

Olivia had walked up to where Kelly and Calvin were standing and she told the other woman she could go. She took Calvin's hand in hers and walked back to where Trevor and his daughter were standing.

"Calvin this is Trevor and his daughter Jazlyn, right?" she looked at the little girl for confirmation.

"Yep you got it lady" she looked at Calvin and held out her hand "the names Jazlyn, but everyone calls me Jazzy"

He shook the hand that was presented to him "nice meeting you"

"Yeah, so who were those boys picking on you over there. You know I got some great ass kicking skills" she rolled her eyes when her father told her to watch her language "But seriously, I can show you some moves…." The continued to talk as their parents conversated behind them.

"You wanna go for pizza or something Liv? Maybe we can talk about something other than work and the kids can get to know each other more" he shouldered his daughters backpack.

_Is he really asking me out on a date? He defends the bad guys. Although, he is cute. Kinda like a modern day Clark Kent. I mean it's just pizza and with this stupid morning sickness, I'll most likely bring it right back up before the night is over so why not. Calvin needs someone his age to play with anyway._

"Sure. I'd like that." _Remember Olivia, it's not a date. It can't be a date. You're pregnant with another man's child. It's just pizza and some grownup conversation. That's all it is._

They walked down the street talking about everything from the schools new uniform code to where they can get a good cup of coffee. The kids were having a good time too walking in front of the couple. Jazzy was showing Calvin some hand movement. To anyone looking on, this could have been the start of a beautiful relationship. But to Elliot, who was standing across the street, it looked like he was being replaced.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Okay ya'll, this should be enough to hold you until Saturday or Sunday. Thanks for the reviews too!

"El, why are you so fired up about Olivia and this lawyer guy?"

Elliot paced the floor of his and Cathy's bedroom. He'd come home rambling about how he saw Olivia with Trevor and that he was no good for her.

"Babe, why don't you relax? I mean so what if Liv's dating this guy. You should be happy for her. I know I'm happy. I finally get you all to myself…" she was cut off by the man beside her.

"Shut up! Just shut the hell up!" he pushed past her and out the house nearly knocking over her daughter in passing.

"Hey dad I was just…." The young girl looked at her father as her swept past her. Looking back at her mother who was standing at the bottom of the stairs she silently asked what was going on.

Kathy looked at her daughter and shrugged.

* * *

When Elliot returned that night, he walked into his bedroom, careful not to disturb his sleeping wife.

"Where were you?"

"Go back to sleep Kath"

He shed himself of his clothes and slid into bed. He laid face up in bed staring at the ceiling.

Kathy rolled over and propped herself up on her arm. "Talk to me El. I mean is this Trevor guy that bad?"

He rolled over to face the woman next to him. He looked into her eyes as he began to talk.

"You ever wonder how many guys you missed out on by marrying me. Not saying you're a.." he paused trying to find the best word to use "…not saying you would have ended up a floozy or anything. But do you ever think about being with someone else?"

"I knew from the moment I met you that we were going to get married and have a family of our own." She stopped talking and started fidgeting. "I…I…Maybe not as quick as it happened but I knew that someday we'd be where we are today. But yes, I thought about it once. When we were going through that rough patch before Eli, I thought about if this would be happening, the divorce, had I been with another guy or sometimes when I'm at the nurses station at work and I hear some of the girls talk about how they're sleeping with another man cause their husbands aren't home like they used to be or they're sleeping with another girl themselves." She sat up completely.

"I refuse to be like them. I'm not going to start messing with some other guy because my husband isn't satisfied with what he's getting at home or lack thereof. So yes, I'm happy Olivia is dating someone because now I can finally stop worrying that the someone might be you"

"Oh please Kath, you know Liv and I are just partners so don't you dare bring her in this. And everything you just said is bullshit. I'm at the hospital for a lot of the cases we get and I see you with the doctors. Flirting and flaunting your body." He stood up on his side of the bed.

"What you see Elliot, is me making my working environment comfortable. So what if I flirt a little. It's who I am. Its harmless. And I'll bring Olivia in this if I want to. You know, now that I think of it, you're not as good as you play yourself out to be." She crawled across the bed and kneeled on her knees in front of his face.

"What are you talking about?"

"Dani"

"What about her. She's been gone."

"Yeah but I'm sure you gave her a farewell fuck. "She flinched when she heard Eli over the baby monitor.

Confident that the child had quickly fallen back to sleep, she continued her rant. "You think I'm stupid? You think I don't know when my husband has been with someone else."

"I….I never…"

She cut him off midsentence. "Elliot it was a rhetorical question." She got down off the bed and stood next to him. The height difference didn't matter cause her words were enough. "I get it. Dani was a petty fuck. You were there, she was there. It happened. But if you expect that I'm going to lay here and believe that you screwed Dani and not Olivia, then you must really think I'm a fool."

"Ok. Fine. You're right. You won. I screwed Dani for at least a week after she left. But that was nothing. It was a mistake to say the least. If I could take it back I would but I can't so just LET IT GO KATHY!" He grabbed his pillow and began walking towards the door.

"Oh no you don't. Not so fast." She latched onto his arm forcing him to turn around on and face her.

"WHAT?"

"Don't talk to me like that El"

"Listen Kathy, I'm tired and I really don't want to have this conversation right now. I'm gonna sleep out on the couch tonight."

With that, he walked out of the room.

* * *

"Hey Calv, it's time for bed kiddo"

Olivia walked into the living room where the boy sat. He was on the phone with his new friend. She was happy he finally had someone to talk to. Ever since he started going to a new school, he just couldn't find his place.

She stood in front of him. "Now Calvin" she tried her best to put on a stern voice.

"Oh come on Liv, just five more minutes"

"Fine. I'm going to get ready for bed and iron your new uniform. When the clock hits 9:15, the phone goes off and you go to bed. Understand?"

"Yessssss"

She laughed and retreated back into the bedroom. She was halfway through putting on her sweats and tank top when her cell phone buzzed. She knew Cragen had given her the rest of the day off so it couldn't have been work. To her surprise when she opened it, Trevor's number was at the top of the text.

Trevor:

_They've been on the phone since we got home. How much could two ten year olds have to talk about?_

She smiled. She raised an eyebrow at how schoolgirl-ish she seemed right now.

"Pull yourself together Liv" she whispered to herself.

She pressed a few button on her phone and then snapped it shut.

Benson:

_I know right. Well I gave him till 9:15 so only a couple more minutes._

On Trevor's side of town, he found himself in his bedroom as well. He was trying his best not to get carried away with the conversation at hand. He reminded himself that they were colleagues that happened to have kids the same age who were infatuated with each other. His phone buzzed and he brought it up to his face to read the text.

Taping the screen of his phone a couple of times, he finally pressed send.

"Aye pops?" He heard his daughter call from downstairs.

"Yes Jazzy?" He walked to the door "I'm upstairs in my room" when he heard the young girl running up the steps, he walked back into the room and sat on the bed.

"Daddy, I'm hungry again. In fact, I could probably eat a horse right now. You should let me have a cookie or two." She wiggled her eyebrows up and down.

Trevor exhaled a chuckle and turned the girl around. Grabbing her shoulders, he led Jazzy back downstairs to the kitchen.

Olivia didn't hear her phone buzz so when she got into bed that night and looked at her phone, she wasn't expecting to see a text from Trevor.

Trevor:

_Jazlyn had a good afternoon today and so did I. Maybe we can do it again sometime._

She blushed and began to type. Looking over at the clock on her side table, she wondered if it were too late to text him back. Her fingers were quicker then her mind because before she knew it, she was pressing send.

Trevor was just walking out of the shower when the spotted his phone on the bed. The light from the phone was flashing, alerting him that there was a new text. He treaded over to the king size bed and flopped down.

Benson:

_Yeah I had fun too and I'm sure Calvin did as well. Listen, I'm not ready to be in a relationship right now. I just have a lot on my plate. Sorry._

His phone buzzed again.

Benson:

_I didn't realize how late it was. I'm sorry if my text woke you. _

Before he finished reading the text, he was writing his reply.

Trevor:

_Detective, I'm not asking for your hand in marriage. All I'm asking is maybe we can take the kids for pizza again sometime. See where things go from there. Please?_

Olivia was stuck. She couldn't deny she had feelings for the man but she also couldn't push aside the fact that she was pregnant.

Benson:

_Trevor, I'm pregnant. So that's where things are going for me. I'm having a baby and I'm a still trying to get used to being a parent to a ten year old. If friendship is what you're asking for then I'm all for it._

Leaning back against her pillows, she waited.

Trevor:

_We should meet up. Lunch time, tomorrow?_

It wasn't the response she thought she would get but then again, she didn't actually know what response she expected.

Benson:

_Okay. Tomorrow at the café by the station. It's usually pretty quiet there. Night Trev._

She waited for the man to reply before she slipped down under the covers.

* * *

The next morning she was having a hard time trying to juggle morning sickness with making breakfast and getting Calvin out the house in time for school.

"Liv, you ok in there?" the little boys worried expression also showed in his voice.

After she stood up from her kneeling position in front of the toilet, she leaned against the sink and looked at herself in the mirror. She looked like hell. Glowing hell.

"Yes baby, I'm fine."

She opened the door.

"Why don't you grab a pop tart from the cabinet and I'm gonna see if Kelly can take you to school."

They both walked down the hall. When they reached the end, one went into the kitchen and the other to the door and down to the next apartment.

"Hey, Ms. B"

"Hey Kelly. You think you can take Calvin to school today. I'm not feeling too good." She stood with one hand on her hip and the other rubbing circles her stomach.

"Yeah, sure. Do you need me to pick him up too?

"No, I don't think so."

Olivia walked back to her apartment and came back out with the young boy in toe.

"Turn around, let me get a good look at cha."

Calvin was dressed in his new blue and white uniform and his dark blue hush puppies.

"You look handsome young man" Kelly agreed and the boy blushed.

"Thanks Kel"

Olivia ducked back into the apartment and down the hall just in time to heave into the toilet. She picked herself up and brushed her teeth but not before gagging a few more times.

Finally arriving at the stationhouse, she realized she was an hour late. She could feel her partner's eyes on her as she chucked her jacket over the back of her chair.

"Don't" she held up her hand as if that would stop him from talking.

"You're welcome"

"What?" she snapped.

"I covered for you. You're an hour late. So you're welcome."

"Fuck you"

"No you know what Liv, fuck you!"

She stood up and stormed off. She walked into the locker room. Furious wasn't the word. Her body was shaking and her heart was beating fast. The door flew open behind her.

She spun around on her heal. "What the hell is wrong with you? Huh? I walk in and you've got an attitude. I'm sorry I was late. This flu is kicking my ass right now. I'm sorry!" She was out of breath by the time she finished talking.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?" he looked around and then lowered his face so that is was inches away from Olivia's. "What's wrong with me? I don't know. Maybe I just don't like having to cover for you because you were out with your boy toy, when you were supposedly sick, and probably didn't hear your alarm over all the sex you two were having." He was pissed.

She squinted her eyes at him. Stalker much? "you son of a bitch. All the times I covered for you with Cragen and you're giving me shit for this one time? And what are you talking abo...wait, are you talking about me and Langan? Yeah, we took our kids out for pizza last night. So what? And FYI we did NOT have sex. I swear sometimes you're so immature. What were you stalking me or something?"

"excuse me? I'm immature? Please! I got you message and I rushed right over. JoJo told me what happened and that you guys went over to the park to look for Calvin. When I got outside your building I saw you two across the street. So what is it Liv. Hmmm? Got something for bad boys?"

She chuckled lightly. "you're funny El. Yeah I guess I have something for bad boys cause I slept with you and everyone knows you're as bad as they come. What is it to you anyway? What we had was a mistake right?" the look on her face dared him to agree. He didn't.

Before he could open his mouth to defend himself, there was a knock on the door.

"What!" they both said in unison.

Opening the door, Fin poked his head in the room.

"Guys, dads asking for you."

Once Fin ducked out they starred at each other for a few more seconds.

Olivia was the first to break the silence.

"You called what we did a _mistake_. So do me a favor and leave your jealousy at the door. You had something good and it walked out the door yesterday when you insulted what we had. So now you're assed out. But guess what, I'm fine with that. No longer will I be your "friends with benefits" yes, I'll admit, I like him. Not that it's any of your business. So do me a favor. Go back to your wife and kids and leave me the hell alone!"

With that said, she walked out the door leaving her partner standing there with his jaw almost touching the floor.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **I just want to say thank you for all the reviews. They really make my day!

Immediately after walking into the café she spotted the tall man in the far left corner. He was nursing what looked like a cup of coffee. She'd seen a cup sitting across from him too and in that moment she wondered had he invited someone else. Maybe he'd seen someone at the café and invited them to sit with him. She thought about turning around and walking out but then he looked up at her. Their eyes met and a soft smile brushed against his lips. He held out his hand, gesturing to the seat across from him. She walked, slower than usual, over to the table.

"I know I'm a little late but if you're here with someone, we can just meet up some…."

"I got you a tea. Decaffeinated. The waitress just brought it. I actually just got here a few minutes ago so no worries."

Olivia just stood and looked at the man.

"Look Liv, I know I'm an ass in court but I would never agree to meet with you and then try and get with another girl because I thought you ditched me." He looked up at her. His eyes looking into hers.

"Please, sit?"

She slid into the chair. Voicing her apologies for overreacting.

"I'm hoping it's the hormones. I mean I'm kind of new to this whole pregnancy thing." She blushed.

"How long have you known?"

"Wow, you don't beat around the bush do ya"

She looked down at her tea then back up at Trevor.

"Well" she held up her wrist and looked at her watch "just under twenty-four hours ago" she blinked and looked him in the eyes. Her face blank and voice low "anymore questions?"

"Who's the father?"

"That's none of your business."

Her words were harsh. She bit her lip, punishing herself for snapping at the man. Her walls were going up. If they were going to be "just friends" then she couldn't let him in.

"I'm sorry"

"No, don't be. Look Trevor, the father isn't in the picture and that's all I'm going to say on the matter."

The look on her face told him that it wasn't up for discussion. He smiled and she couldn't help but to do the same.

"So what's your story?"

He gave her a questioning look.

"I mean I don't see a ring on your finger. Jazzy didn't just fall out of the sky. Did you and her mother divorce or something?"

"Nope, I adopted Jazlyn two years ago"

They both took a sip of their drinks. Olivia nodded in understanding.

"That must have been quite the adjustment for you. I mean going from a single guy to a father overnight."

"Yeah well you should know. I mean that's kind of like you and Calvin. I mean for you it was unexpected but for me, I knew that I always wanted kids and to adopt at least one or two. I also knew that it's harder for older kids to be adopted because everyone wants babies. I'll admit, Jazzy can be a pain sometimes but I wouldn't trade her for the world."

"They grow so fast."

"Yes they do. I think that's partially why I left the law firm I was at. I do cases here and there but yesterday at the park, that's where I like to be. I wanted to be able to pick her up from school and take her to the park or to her soccer games."

Olivia sat with a soft smile on her face. The words she was hearing coming out of the mans mouth were ones she never thought she'd ever hear.

"What?" he asked.

"You've changed. I remember when we first met, you know, before I found out how much a snake you were and there was something about you. Then that first time I saw you in action in court, I just lost all feelings for you. But now, now I'm starting to see the man you used to be"

"Yeah, I was a jerk" he looked down, guilt washing over his face.

"So, why are you still single. I mean you're every girls dream. Handsome, smart, tall and you want kids. If I believed in fairytales I would think you were prince charming in the flesh." She chuckled.

He blushed.

"To tell you the truth, I stopped dating once Jazz came along. I rather sit at home helping my ten year old with her math homework or watch a football game with her than go out to some fancy restaurant where all I'm gonna do is worry about if my kid is ok."

"Yeah, I hear ya. When Calvin first started living with me, even going to work was hard. Every chance I got, I called his school to see if everything was alright." She smiled at the memory and he smiled at her.

"What?" she questioned.

"You're glowing"

"I'm always glowing" she gave him a wink and looked at her watch again.

"Time for you to leave?"

"Yeah I should probably get going. I told the captain I was going out for coffee and that was thirty minutes ago."

Trevor's face fell. To anyone else it wasn't noticeable Olivia saw it. Her heart melted.

Slapping a couple dollars on the table, Trevor stood and held out his hand to Olivia.

"Come on, I'll walk you back to the station."

For a second, Olivia hesitated. What if Elliot saw them together? She quickly shook the thought out of her mind. _To hell with Elliot._

The walk was a quick one much to their dismay. The stood across the street from the station. Somewhere during the walk, his hand slipped into hers and she'd left it there. They turned to face each other.

"This is you" he stated shifting his head towards the big building.

"Yep, this is me"

Their eyes met yet again and before either of them knew what was happening, their lips met.

This kiss was quick. More than a peck but no serious tongue action. But they both felt the shock.

Olivia jumped back. He fingers flew to her lips. She wanted to be mad at him. He knew her situation. _Damn Liv, what happened to "just friends"!_

Her heart was racing. He took a step forward and if possible, her heart beat got a little faster.

"I'm sorry. That was out of line Liv."

She, for some reason, could not for the life of her, find her voice so she just looked at him.

"Look, I know you've got a lot on your plate right now with Calvin and the baby on the way but please, give me a chance."

She continued to stare at the tall man in front of her.

"I know you probably think I'm crazy because I'm basically begging for you to go out with me but I just want you to know that I'm serious. I really like you. I've liked you since day one."

Still no words or emotion came from the woman.

"I know this is a lot and I'm sorry. You know what, why don't I pick up Calvin from school and bring him home with me and Jazzy. When you get off from work we can all have dinner together. Then maybe we can talk about this?"

"Okay"

Though it was only one word, it was what the man wanted to hear. With that, Olivia walked away.

* * *

When Olivia walked back into the bullpen, her mind was defiantly elsewhere. She flopped down in her chair and just stared at her computer. _What the fuck! _Her mind was racing. _I said I wasn't going to do this. I told myself I wouldn't fall for him. No, its his fault. Why does he have to be so good looking and smart and just everything a girl could ask for? _

She looked at the man sitting across from her. His head down as he did some paper work. _Elliot. He thinks what we did was a mistake and while I don't a agree, I know I shouldn't have let it go that far. Trevor might be prince charming but El is the man who I've wanted since the day I walked in this place. What am I saying? Elliot made it perfectly clear that we were nothing serious. _

She sat there trying to convince herself that she no longer wanted to be with Elliot and that maybe Trevor was "the one".

She had a decision to make.

"Twenty dollars says her body has been taken over by aliens"

"Dude, you're a trip"

"Look at her, she's just staring at the computer" the older man whispered "and it's not even on"

Fin ripped off a sheet of paper from his note pad and crumpled it up. In on swift move, the paper went from Fin's hand to Olivia's head.

Olivia's eyes shot up to look at the man sitting in front of her. He looked up just in time to meet her eyes. They held each other's gaze for a while until Olivia turned her head to look at Fin. Her face straight. She was in no mood for games.

"Sorry babygirl"

When she saw the worried look on Fin's face, she smiled a little to let him know it was ok.

She looked at Much "you owe him twenty bucks" and then she stuck out her tongue.

She turned back to her desk and turned on her computer. She felt a pair of eyes on her and when she looked up, there he was looking back.

"Something I can help you with El?"

"Where's the coffee?" when she gave him a confused look, he just gave her one of his cocky smiles.

"What?"

"The coffee Liv. You know, you said you were going out for coffee"

"I drank it on the walk back here"

His smile got bigger.

"Okay"

"Is there something you want to say to me El?"

"Nope"

She rolled her eyes and turned back to her computer.

Her decision was made

Olivia looked at her watch. It was going on six o'clock and she was ready to leave. Munch and Fin were catching tonight and Trevor had sent her a text telling her that dinner was ready and waiting. She turned off her computer and grabbed her jacket.

"You're in a hurry"

His voice startled her. After not hearing it for a couple hours, it was an unexpected voice.

"Yeah I've got dinner waiting for me"

She was walking towards the door when he called her name.

"Oh Liv. I totally forgot, Cragen told me to tell you to do this paper work before the days over"

Her eye brow raised and her urge to slap him grew strong.

"I've been sitting here all day and you're just now getting around to giving me these?"

"I'm sorry Liv, I forgot"

The smirk on his face was visible and making her sick.

"Bullshit. This is gonna take me at least an hour to finish."

"Guess you better get working"

He left her standing there. Her mouth clenched shut and her fists so tight that her nails were digging into her skin.

She sat at her desk and shrugged off her jacket. She took out her phone and texted Trevor.

Benson:

_Hey, it looks like I'm gonna be another hour or so. I'm so sorry. Elliot just blind sided me with some paper work._

Trevor got up from the couch where he sat watching the kids play an intense game of operation. When he reached the island in the kitchen, he picked up his cell phone. After reading the text, he typed a reply and went back out into the living room.

He gently kicked Jazlyn's elbow causing her to hit the metal on the game bord which in return made a buzzing sound.

"I win!"

Calvin started doing his victory dance.

"Awww come on pops! What was that for?"

"Time for dinner"

"Wait, but what about Liv?"

"She got held up at work but she should be here in a little while"

Calvin nodded and walked over to the table.

"My pops likes your mom" Jazz whispered into the little boys ear as they waited for their food.

"Yeah, she likes him too"

"Maybe we'll be brother and sister"

"Yeah, that'd be cool"

Both kids smiled and began eating dinner.

Trevor:

_Okay. I'll feed the kids and keep your food warm. Don't rush, they're having a ball. See you soon._

She smiled to herself. This seemed so right.

* * *

After the doorman told her she could go upstairs, she began to grow nervous. Before she could let her nerves get the best of her, she was standing in front of Trevor's door. She raised her hand to knock but he was already opening the door.

"Hey, come on in"

Olivia walked across the thresh hold and then turned back around to face the man.

"Sorry it took me so long. Elliot and I got into it and he's being juvenile to say the least" she looked around "where are the kids?"

Trevor smiled down at her.

"I sent them to finish their homework." He helped her take off her jacket and hung it up. "So I made spaghetti and garlic bread for dinner but if you don't want it I can whip up something else"

She followed him into the kitchen.

"No, spaghetti is just fine. " She could tell that he was nervous. She knew the sauce would give her horrible heartburn but she decided to keep quiet.

He poured them drinks and sent her to the table with them while he got the food.

They had been eating for several minutes when she put her fork down and looked up at him.

"The baby is Elliot's. He doesn't know that I'm pregnant and I'm not ready to tell him. We had a one night stand and that's all I'm going to say about it."

She paused and then began to speak again.

"I don't know what I want anymore. I have no problem with us being together but I want to know that it's for the right reason. I mean are you even ready for this. You're not just dating me, you're dating Calvin too. And did I mention that I'm pregnant?" she was trying to be serious but the last part caused her to chuckle a bit.

Trevor stood up and walked over to her. He kneeled down.

"I understand where you're coming from. Trust me, I do. And we can go as slow as you need. You and the kids come first. If you want to keep your pregnancy a secret from Elliot, then so be it. I just want you to know that I'm here for you."

He looked into her eyes. It was like he could see through her brown orbs and into her soul.

Her eyes got wide. Her stomach was doing flips. Between the morning sickness and her nerves, she was defiantly going to puke.

"Bathroom?"

They both stood and Trevor put his hands on her shoulders and guided her to the bathroom just in time. He closed the door and turned on the water so that the kids wouldn't hear. The last thing he wanted was for the kids to worry. Her hair was already up in a messy bun so he found himself just holding a few strands back. He rubbed her back as her body retched. When she was done, he gave her some water and she rinsed her mouth out. He stood behind her the whole time making sure she was steady on her feet.

"Can we sit for a second?"

He nodded and reached for the door.

"No, here. It's cool in here."

He slid down the walk and guided her onto his lap. She rested her head on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ruin the moment"

"Please, it's more than ok"

He pressed his lips to the top of her head.

"I love him. Elliot. I will always love him. I'm having his child so that bond will always be there. But, I'm willing to give us a try"

"That's all I can ask for"

She looked up at him.

"Soooo, are we a couple?" he asked looking down at her.

"Yeah, we're a couple"

_Nice Liv. Nice_

"I should get going. The kids have school in the morning and by the time we get home it'll be past Calvin's bedtime"

She sifted to stand but ended up falling right back down into Trevor's lap.

"Stay"

"Huh?"

"Stay the night. Jazzy has an extra bed in her room for when her friends sleep over and you can sleep in my bed and I'll sleep on the couch in the living room. Just please, don't leave. I'd never forgive myself if I let you leave and something happened to you"

Maybe it was the fact that she was too weak to fight or he was just that convincing but she eventually agreed.

He stood up and then bent down and picked her up. He carried her up the stairs and to his bed. He took out a t-shirt and a boxers and put them on the bed.

"I'm gonna go check on the kids and get them ready for bed. Bathrooms through there and here's some clothes you can change into"

She nodded and he left.

"Jazzy, time for bed sweetheart"

He walked into his daughter's room only to find both kids sleeping.

He padded over to the bed that his daughter laid in and kissed her cheek. Then he bent down and picked up her uniform. He walked over to the other bed and repeated his actions for the boy.

Trevor sat at the little table in the corner of his daughter's room and checked their homework. When he was sure that everything was done, he walked over to the light and turned it off. He slipped out the door and back downstairs to hang up their uniforms.

When he got back up to his room the sight he saw made him smile. Olivia had managed to change her shirt and take off her pants but the boxers were still at the end of the bed. She was sleep.

He tucked her in and put a bucket by the bed. When he was sure she was ok, he got himself a pillow and a blanket and went to sleep on the couch.

* * *

A few days had passed and while Trevor and Olivia's relationship was going good, the same couldn't be said about hers and Elliot's.

She had just finished emptying the contents of her stomach when Cragen told them to go and pick up a suspect in their latest case. She threw the keys at Elliot and told him that he could drive.

They'd been driving for a couple minutes when she felt another wave of nausea wash over her. She began inhaling through her nose and exhaling out her mouth.

"That must be some flu you got" his voice thick with sarcasm.

"Shut up"

He threw up his hands and then pulled over in front of their destination. They got out the car and were walking towards the building when they heard gunshots. They both ducked and ran to the opposite side of the car. Olivia radioed for backup but once the shots stopped, Elliot was on his way back towards the building. She couldn't let him go in there alone.

"El, we should wait for backup" she stated as they walked into the building.

"By the time they get here, he'll be gone"

They ducked when they herd a couple more shots. Elliot started running up the stares.

"Go around back and I'll go up to the apartment"

She couldn't see straight. She pushed herself to keep on. She kicked open the back door and when she felt it was safe, she walked out making sure to stay on the wall. Her legs felt weak. She was starting to sweat.

Elliot kicked open the apartment door and surveyed the first room. It wasn't until he got to the last room that he saw the man going out the window and down the fire escape.

"LIV, HE'S COMING YOUR WAY!"

He turned and ran out the apartment. He was taking the steps two, three, even jumping when he could when he heard the shot. Then another one. And then two more. When he finally got back downstairs, he saw her. Well, what he really saw were legs. They were laying flat. He knew it was her. The five seconds it took for him to run from the stairs to the back door were the longest for him.

When he got there, nothing could have prepared him for what he saw. Olivia laid there on the cold concrete. Blood pooling under her. They once baby blue shirt she had on now crimson red.

"Oh god Liv"

He took out his radio and screamed for help.

"Officer down! I repeat, OFFICER DOWN!"

He tried to find where all the blood was coming from but there was too much. He felt for her plus and it was there but faint.

"Come on Liv, stay with me"

He continued to chant those words until the EMT's arrived and pulled him off her.

**A/N: **The last scene is the beginning of the first part in chapter one just wanted to make that clear.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **Again, the reviews you guys have written are the best. Ya'll never seize to make me smile. Thank you!

Elliot's body fell limply into the plastic chair in the waiting room. His body was covered in Olivia's blood. After the nurse pushed him out of the room, he stood at the door for what seemed like forever.

After a grueling four hours, a woman in a pair of scrubs came walking out of Olivia's room. She stopped at the nurses' station before she began walking towards the crowd of people, her head hung low until she reached her destination.

"Detectives?"

Elliot was the first to stand followed by the rest of the squad and what seemed like every officer in the city of New York.

"How is she? Is she ok?"

"My name is Dr. Rubin. Detective Benson…."

"Olivia"

The doctor nodded and continued. "Olivia was shot three times. Two of them through and though but one of them got logged in her chest cavity. She's lost a tremendous amount of blood from both the gun shots and the miscarriage. We've managed to…."

"Wait what do you mean miscarriage? She wasn't pregnant"

Elliot's voice was shaky. Disbelief was written all over his face.

"You must have the wrong woman doc. If one of my detectives was pregnant, I would know." Cragen shut his mouth quickly. He closed his eyes, let out a sigh and lowered his head.

"The flu my ass"

"She lied to me"

The brunette doctor cleared her throat "we performed surgery to remove the bullet and close up her wounds. We've been pumping blood into her ever since she got here but things aren't looking good"

"What are her chances?"

Munch asked the question everyone was thinking.

The doctor locked her hands behind her back. "It's touch and go right now. She coded twice already and we had to put her in a medically induced coma." She paused and looked around at the people standing in the circle around her.

"There's a fifty percent chance that she won't make it through the night."

"Can we see her?"

The doctor exhaled. "I must warn you, she doesn't look like the Olivia you're used to. She has a tube down her throat to help her breathe and a bunch of IV's"

"Can we see her?" Elliot repeated the question, this time with a little more urgency in his voice.

"She's in the ICU. Room 4. One at a time though."

She was about to say something else before Elliot pushed past her not even bothering to wait for the elevator but instead opting to take the stairs.

"If you need anything, have one of the nurses page me. I'll come back around in an hour or so."

Cragen stepped forward and shook the doctors hand.

"Thank you"

He turned back towards the crowd. "Ok folks, go home. There's nothing we can do for her right now by sitting here."

Cops started filling out of the ER. Not all at once but eventually, they were all gone.

The older man turned to face Munch and Fin. "Why don't you two go home as well. I know it's only six o'clock but you both need to eat and change your clothes. We can meet back here in the morning unless something happens."

"Cap, with all due respect, I'd rather much stay here. I don't know about Munch but a pair of scrubs will do just fine for me."

Munch just nodded his head in agreement.

"Ok."

* * *

"Aye yo C, whatcha still doin here?"

Calvin sat on the top step of the stairs leading up to his school. The sun had began to go down, casting a soft shadow. He jumped at the voice. Through the two hours he had been sitting there, he'd seen teachers leave, students run to their waiting parents and repeated "yeah, my mom is just late" about a dozen times but the little girls voice caught him off guard.

"Hey Jazzy. Nuthin jus waitin for Liv. She probably got caught up in a case and forgot to call Kelly to come pick me up."

The young girl dropped her football equipment on the next step and plopped down next to her friend.

"Well, pops should be here any minute and you can come home with us. It's Friday so you know what that means…." She grinned big.

"Taco night" they both said in unison.

The smile that was covered Calvin's face quickly disappeared.

"Yeah, I guess that sounds good"

"What's tha matter C"

"It's just….Olivia's never forgotten about picking me up."

Before Jazzy could comfort her friend, Trevor pulled up in front of them. He got out of the car and walked over to the steps. The confusion on his face clear as day.

"Hey sweetie" he bent down and kissed his daughters cheek.

"Yuck" Jazzy wiped her face "pops that just nasty and a bit embarrassing" she nodded her head towards the boy sitting next to her indicating that her friend was there.

"Oops, sorry" he said with a chuckle.

"Trev, Olivia forgot about me. You think I can come home with you guys?"

"Sure bud. You know tonig…"

"I know, I know, its taco night" the boy said flatly.

Calvin stood and grabbed his back off the ground and started walking towards the car. Trevor picked up Jazlyn's football stuff and followed the kids to the car.

When they got home, Trevor sent the kids up to Jazzy's room to change clothes and play. Once he was sure the kids were up the stairs, he pulled out his cell phone. After hitting the speed dial number two, he put the phone between his ear and his shoulder. As the phone rang, he walked over to the kitchen and washed his hands.

After a few seconds, Olivia's voice came over the phone except, it was her voicemail message.

"Liv, I'm guessing you got help up at work. I found Calvin waiting for you at the school but I was getting dark so I just brought him home with me and Jazzy. Call me back when you get this"

He tried calling her cell phone again but no answer. He hit the end button on his phone and began to take the stuff out for dinner.

_Something's not right._

* * *

Elliot walked into Olivia's ICU room. His breath hitched when he looked at the person laying in the bed. He slid the glass door shut behind him. Walking over to the bed, he could feel his body shaking. Tears were escaping his eyes and he didn't bother to wipe them away. Sitting in the chair beside her bed, he took her hand in his, careful not to interfere with her IV's and he cried.

"Liv, I am so sorry. You told me we should wait for backup but I was….I should have listened but now you're here and it's all my fault. If you knew how much I love you. Knew that I regret the last few days because all I've been is a jerk to you. I guess you were right, I am jealous. I wanted you all for myself. Calling what you and I had a mistake was beyond stupid of me. I wish I could take it all back. I wish I could go back to that day in the bathroom. If I knew you were pregnant Liv, I never would have been so shitty to you. I never would have let you step foot from behind that desk ever again. This is all my fault."

He sobbed into Olivia's hand. When he caught his breath, he began to talk again.

"I love you Liv. I have since the day we met. And when Kathy and I were going forward with the divorce, I thought "finally, we can be together" and then Eli came along and I saw what the divorce was doing to the kids and I felt I had no choice but to move back in and call off the proceedings. But, I still wanted you so that night when we made love; it was me just being selfish. I knew I hadn't planned on leaving Kathy and the kids but I wanted to have my cake and eat it too. It wasn't until I saw you with Langan that I realized how much I truly loved and wanted to be with you. Kathy and I, were not doing so good. Plus, I think she knows about us."

He continued to express himself to her unaware of the person standing at the door.

"Knock, knock"

Elliot turned his head towards the door and stared blankly at the person making their way into the room.

"I heard about what happened from one of the other nurses and I thought I'd come up and check on her." She hushed him when he opened his mouth to speak. " I also heard everything you just said. I'll make it easy for you, I'll draw up the papers." She turned to walk back out the room.

He stood and grabbed Kathy's arm before she reached the door.

"Kath, you don't…"

"No, I do El. I do have to do this because I know I deserve better and my first step will be divorcing you and suing for full custody. I hope you're happy."

She walked out of the room leaving the man there staring at the now empty place she once occupied.

_This must be what karma feels like._

* * *

Trevor had fed the kids and they were happily playing video games in the family room when he slipped upstairs to his office. Turning on the tv, he switched to the news. He paid it no mind until the anchorman said an all too familiar name.

"Today, one of New York's finest, Olivia Benson, was shot three times while chasing down a suspect. She was taken to New York Presbyterian Hospital. No word yet on how she's doing. In other news….."

The reporter continued to talk but Trevor didn't hear a word. His first instinct was to run out to his car and drive to the hospital. But he couldn't do that just yet. He had to figure out what to do with the kids. His mind raced. He called his youngest sister and in a few short sentences, explained the situation.

No more than twenty minutes later, there was a knock on his door. Stepping aside, he let the young woman in.

"Thanks for coming lil sis"

"Yeah sure, I heard about what happened on the way over. Olivia's strong and I know she'll pull though"

"Pull though what?" asked the young boy.

Both grownups turned around towards the stairs where Calvin and Jazlyn stood.

Trevor contemplated lying to the child but quickly disposed of the thought. He walked over to the kids.

"Olivia was hurt today at work. I don't really know the details but I'm sure she's fine. I'm gonna go over there right now to check up on her."

"I wanna go with you"

"You can't"

"Please, I need to make sure she's ok. She needs me" Calvin began to cry.

Trevor picked him up into his arms and hugged him tight.

"Buddy, I know you're scared and I'll admit, I'm scared too but I promise, she'll be okay. I promise"

When Calvin's tears slowed, Trevor let him go.

"My sister, Charlotte is going to stay with the two of you until I get back, okay?"

Both kids nodded their heads and in return, Trevor did the same. He kissed the top of both their heads and then turned to leave.

* * *

About an hour and a half after he first sat down in the chair next to Olivia's bed, Fin, Munch and Cragen walked in. They had said something about how he should go and change into a pair of scrubs and at least get a cup of coffee. Reluctantly, he agreed.

He had been given permission to use the shower in the locker room and told that he can take which ever color scrubs he wanted.

After a quick shower and an even quicker run to the cafeteria for coffee, he was on his way back to the room.

"The nurse downstairs said that my girlfriend is up here. Olivia Benson."

"Yes, she's in room 4." The nurse told him.

The voice sounded familiar to Elliot. He looked over at the nurses' station and he saw Trevor.

"Langan" he called the man's name to get his attention.

Trevor turned around to see who was calling him. When he realized who it was, his blood began to boil. _Stay calm. It's not his fault. We all know how stubborn Olivia is. Even if he did know she was pregnant, she still would have been there cause there was no way she would have willingly gone on desk duty. Fuck that! He should have had her back._

"YOU!" his voice accusing.

"Listen Langan, I know you and Olivia are….." before Elliot could get the words out his mouth, Trevor punched him.

"YOU'RE HER PARTNER! WHERE WERE YOU?"

Trevor ducked Elliot's fist. He grabbed his shoulder and punched him in the stomach. Elliot doubled over in pain but took the opportunity to pull the other man down and began to punch him in the face.

"SECURITY!" a frantic nurse screamed.

The two men continued to fight until they were torn apart.

Trevor was the first to talk.

"You let her get shot. You didn't have her back because you wanted to act childish and now she's in the ICU. It's all because of you" he spoke out of breath.

"I didn't make Olivia do anything she didn't want to. She didn't have to come in that building with me. She's the stupid one for putting herself in the line of fire when she knew she was pregnant" he regretted the words as soon as he said them.

"Trevor I…."

"No! See, you're selfish. You know Olivia would have never let you go in there alone. YOU DID THIS!" he lunged at Elliot again but this time Cragen was there to him back along with a security guard.

"ENOUGH!"

Both men stopped their actions.

"Elliot, go for a walk" he held up his hand when the other man began to object. "NOW, Elliot!"

Fin walked with Elliot down the hall and disappeared around the corner.

"Trevor I know you and Olivia have been going out for all of two seconds but that doesn't give you the right to assault one of my men"

"Captain…"

"Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes"

"Good. Now, on a personal note, I think of Olivia as my daughter and I'll admit, I'm angry with Elliot as well but they both made the conscientious decision to go in there without back up and the outcome was unfortunate."

He looked Trevor in the eyes.

"It's bad. She was shot three times. Doctor says it's touch and go right now. She lost a lot of blood as well. I'm guessing you knew about the baby?"

"Yeah"

"She lost it"

"Oh god" Trevor's hand flew to his mouth.

Cragen put his hand on Trevor's back. They both stood together until the older man spoke again.

"She's in room 4, right over there"

Trevor started on his way towards Olivia's room. Nothing could have prepared him for what he saw.

* * *

Days had passed. Both Elliot and Trevor avoided each other whenever it was possible. After the first week, the guys had all returned to work. Trevor had tared himself away long enough each day to take the kids to school, go home, shower and eat only to return to the hospital and resume his position in the chair next to Olivia's bed.

When Olivia had made it through the first night, everyone had breathed a sigh of relief. The doctor would later explain to Trevor that even though she had made it through the night, it was only the beginning.

Two weeks later he let Calvin skip school. He knew that taking the boy to see Olivia could go either way. He prepared himself for the worst.

"You sure you want to see her. She's still got that big tube in her throat and…"

"Yeah, I'm sure"

They walked towards Olivia's hospital room hand in hand. When they finally reached the glass door, Calvin gasped.

For a second, his feet felt heavy. He contemplated leaving and asking Trevor to take him to school but he found it in him to take a step, and then another one until he was at Olivia's side.

He crawled onto the bed and laid his head on Olivia's shoulder as he cried.

"I love you mom"

The sight before him was one Trevor wished he'd witnessed under better circumstances. He moved to the chair and sat down as he began to rub the boys back as he cried.

* * *

Trevor, Cragen and Elliot all stood in Olivia's room along with Dr. Rubin and a nurse.

"So, you're saying that you're going to bring her out of the coma today?"

The doctor nodded.

"Correct. We'll still need to leave the tube in until she wakes and we see that she can breathe on her own."

"What are you waiting for, do it"

Elliot's voice was hard.

"I have to warn you, it could take days for her to wake up."

She nodded her head at the nurse who started to fumble with the machines.

"Okay, now we wait" the doctor told them she'd be back before the day was over and exited the room.

Cragen walked over to Olivia and kissed her cheek.

"I have to get back to the office." He looked at the two men in front of him. "Call if she wakes"

"Ok" both men said in unison.

As much as he hated to, Trevor left the room too. He had to pick up the kids.

Once the nurse left, Elliot was all alone. When he finally looked at her, guilt filled his heart. _ Is this how it's always going to be? Will things ever be the same?_

Later that night, he woke to a sound. Raising his head, he brushed off the sound. _Must have been something out in the hall. _ He looked out the window. The moon was bright, the sun long gone. He looked at his watch. _I must have dosed off for a while. _

Something moved on the bed. His head quickly turned to Olivia. Her eyes began to flutter. He stood, taking her hand. Her eyes opened only to snap shut again. The monitor began to beep louder and faster than normal signaling that her heart was beating fast.

"Hey Liv, relax. You've got a tube in your throat so don't try to talk"

He was trying his best to calm the woman but it wasn't working. He walked to the door and slid it open.

"She's awake! Someone page Dr. Rubin. She's awake!"

He ducked back into the room and over to Olivia. He grabbed her hand again and pressed her fingers to his lips.

"Well Well Olivia, good to see you awake"

The doctor's voice startled the both of them.

Walking over to the other side of the bed, Dr. Rubin slid on a pair of gloves and began to speak.

"You ready to get that tube out?"

She blinked.

"Okay. On the count of three I want you to cough for me."

She blinked again.

"One. Two. Three. Cough."

Olivia's body shot up as she coughed. She winced in pain. She eased her way back down on the bed and closed her eyes.

Elliot reached for the pitcher of water and poured some for Olivia. He handed it to her and she gladly accepted it.

"You ok detective?"

"Yeah"

"Okay. How do you feel?"

"Like I've been shot"

Yeah, you're going to be in some pain for a while but nurse Diane is going to get something for that."

Olivia nodded her head in understanding.

"How long have I been out?"

"About three weeks." She looked over at the man standing in the corner. "Elliot, can you excuse us for a minute. Maybe go call your friends and let them know Olivia is awake"

Elliot hesitated. The last thing he wanted was to leave his partner but he did promise Cragen that he'd call the minute she woke.

"Okay"

Once he's left, the doctor began to talk again.

"Olivia, you were shot three times and you lost a lot of blood. Because of the stress your body was going though, you miscarried. I'm so sorry"

The words, though spoken softly, were harsh. Guilt immediately set in.

"You're going to feel weak for a long time but I'm sure if you're anything like you're boyfriend described, that won't keep you down." The doctor smiled but Olivia wasn't paying attention.

Taking the hint, Dr. Rubin excused herself.

When Elliot walked back into the room, Olivia was staring at the ceiling.

"I called Cragen and he said that he was going to call Langan. But until then, looks like it's jus….."

"Get out!"

Her voice was raspy but her words were still understandable.

"Liv.."

"I said get out Elliot"

The man didn't want to argue so he left.

Once he was gone she cried.


	6. Chapter 6

Trevor, Calvin and Jazlyn were on their way home from Jazzy's first football game when he got the call that Olivia was awake. He made a u-turn and made his way to the hospital.

"Pops, what's going on? Why are we turning around?"

"We're gonna go see Liv."

"But it's a school night and…"

"I know but this is different and I know it's a school night but we're going."

Both kids looked at each other and continued to sit in silence.

They got to the hospital faster than they ever had. Trevor helped the kids out of the big suv and ushered them into the big building. They rode the elevator to the fourth floor and began walking down the hall only to be stopped by Elliot.

"She doesn't want to see anyone right now man" he said placing his hand on Trevor's chest.

All three people stopped walking and looked up at the man standing in their way.

"Move out our way" Trevor pushed past the man and continued to walk towards Olivia's room. Elliot wanted to go after the man but Cragen was there, his hand on Elliot's shoulder, preventing him from moving.

Standing at the door, he let Calvin walk in first followed by Jazzy and himself. Olivia laid there. Eyes still closed. Her body looked the same as the last time her son came to see her but this time, there was no tube coming out her mouth.

Trevor gave the boy a nod when Calvin looked up at him. Slowly, the young boy walked over to the bed like he'd done before and touched her hand.

"Liv?"

Opening her eyes, she smiled at who she saw. She patted the space beside her and waited for her son to climb up on the bed. When Calvin finally got on the bed, he threw himself again Olivia. The action made her wince in pain and Trevor moved to say something and possibly pull the boy off but the woman's hand shot up quickly, alerting him that it was ok.

Tears flowed down both Olivia's and Calvin's face. She wrapped her arms around him the best he could.

"Shhh, shhh, shhh. It's okay baby. I'm okay. Don't cry" she kissed the crown of the boys head and rubbed his back. She continued to do this until the boys tears had slowed almost to a stop.

Lifting his head, his eyes met hers.

"I missed you so much mom"

There was no better gift then the words the boy had just muttered. Before she could open her mouth to reply, someone else said something.

"I missed you too Liv." A small voice spoke from the corner.

When she looked up, she saw two more familiar faces. Though her smile still dull, it grew a bit bigger. She patted the other side of the bed and the girl walked over and climbed on. She wrapped an arm around both kids and pulled them close.

"I missed you guys too" she spoke as her eyes connected with Trevor's.

All three of them laid there for a couple minutes until Olivia decided to speak up again.

"Hey, why don't the two of you go ask Cragen to take you to the cafeteria. I know you two must be starving." She tried her best to sound as enthusiastic as she could.

Jazzy stood and began walking toward the door but Calvin just looked up at Olivia.

"I wanna stay here though." He poked out his lip.

"I know you do baby but you know what, I need to talk to Trevor grownup to grownup." When the boy still didn't budge, she softened her face. "Make you a deal, you give me and Trevor an hour to talk and I'll let you stay home from school tomorrow."

"YESSS!"

"But just this once Calv" she reminded when the boy as he jumped off the bed.

"Okay"

Trevor walked the kids out of the room and down the hall to the waiting area where Don and Elliot sat. When he returned to the room, Olivia was staring into space. After about a minute, her eyes flowed down the meet his.

"Hi"

He smiled at her words and began walking towards her.

"Hey there beautiful"

Trevor bent his legs to sit in the chair next to the bed but was stopped.

"No" she grabbed his arm. "Lay with me, please."

He took of his jacket and shoes and climbed under the covers with his lover. She sat up for a second, pushing the pain aside, and waited for the man open his arms before she collapsed into them, resting her head on his chest.

She could feel the bed jerking a little as the man above her cried. She wanted to cry too but it wasn't an option for her. She had to get him to stop.

"Talk to me. Talk about anything other than what happ…."

"Calvin got a B+ on his math test the other day. I hung it up on the fridge." The man said as he breathed out a shaky breath. He momentarily took his hand off Olivia's back to wipe away his tears before he continued.

"Surprising I know but Jazzy's been helping him study. Speaking of, Jazzy had her first official football game today. Her team won." He smiled like the proud father he was. "She's as fast as a bullet out there on the…" he voice trailed off as he began to realize what he's said.

"Liv, I'm sorry"

She lifted her head and covered his lips with her hand.

"It's fine" she gave him a sheepish smile and resumed her position in his arms.

They continued to make small talk for a couple more minutes until there wasn't anything left to say.

* * *

"I'm glad Liv's back. I've never seen my pops so down before. Well, there was that time earlier this year when the Colts lost the superbowl. He had to pay me fifty bucks cause he lost tha bet." She stopped talking noticing that the boy was paying her no mind. "Hello, earth ta C" she waved her hand in front of his face.

Calvin swatted Jazzy's hand away and started walking out of the waiting area and down the hall to Olivia's room. Jazlyn looked up at the old man sitting in the chair next to them. Cragen was asleep.

"Psht, old people these days" she shook her head and followed her friend down the hall.

"Hey, C!" she ran to catch up to him before he opened the door. She grabbed his arm and whipped him around to look at her.

"C, you know were not supposed to go in there yet. It hasn't been an hour."

"I don't care" he slid open the door to Olivia's room and slipped inside. He turned around and looked at his friend.

"You coming?"

Jazz rolled her eyes and followed the Calvin into the room and closed the door behind her.

Trevor was the first to notice the two other people in the room.

"Guy's I thought we asked you to…"

"Pop I tried to stop him but he wouldn't listen."

"Mom I'm sorry. An hour was taking too long and I really just wanna be in here with you"

Olivia sat up completely. She was kind of thankful that the kids had come back in the room because the tension was becoming more than uncomfortable.

"It's okay kiddo. Why don't the both of you come up here with us for a while."

Trevor helped Olivia moved over enough so a kid could lay on either side. After a while of silence, Jazzy spoke up.

"As much as I'm enjoying this family time, ya think we can maybe turn on the TV or sumthin?"

Olivia chuckled at the girls innocence. She kissed Jazlyn's cheek and reached for the remote.

"Okay, what should we watch?"

The kids began to go back and forth about what they were going to watch and Olivia turned her head and looked at Trevor. He bent his head and kissed her and she kissed him back. They settled on watching the Disney channel until it was time for them to leave.

* * *

The next day Olivia was pushing the food around on the tray when Elliot came in.

"Hey"

She looked up and found that she didn't have the strength to argue with the man.

"I brought you a burger and fries from Jackson Hole."

She watched him put the bag on the table. After a couple minutes of silence, Elliot spoke up.

"Look Liv, I know I can't take back what happened. I wish you wouldn't have lied to me about the baby though. You know I wouldn't have let you go into that building"

Elliot continued to talk but Olivia had zoned out. She looked out the window. Her mind kept going back to that day. Since of that afternoon flashed in her mind. _Is he really trying to blame me for this. I get shot three times and almost die and it's all my fault. _She blinked back some tears before she turned her head back to the man. He was still talking. _Maybe it is my fault. Getting shot, losing the baby. Maybe it's my karma for lying._ She lifted her eyes to meet Elliot's.

Opening her mouth to talk, she didn't care if she was cutting him off. Her voice was low and thick with hate.

"I know not telling you that I was pregnant was wrong but from the day you saw me and Trevor together, you have made my life a living hell at work. You have some god damn nerve coming in here trying to blame me for what happened. I told you we should wait. Why'd you go in El? Hmm? You knew I wouldn't leave you hanging. We'd just been shot at so you knew there was a chance one of us would get hurt!" her voice was beginning to rise.

"I've got a real hate for you that burns so deep inside of me that I don't know if…" a sob got caught in her throat.

Elliot took it as a sign to comfort the woman. "Liv, I'm sorry…"

"NO! YOU DON'T GET TO BE SORRY! I DON'T WANT YOUR SORRIES! I WANT MY CHILD BACK! I WANT THE PAST THREE WEEKS BACK! I WANT…" she stopped again feeling out of breath. When she calmed a bit, she spoke. "I want to someday love you again, but right now, I don't think I ever will. So I hope you got what you wanted now. There's no baby from your mistress in the picture, so you can keep on living your life with your wife and kids."

"Kathy's divorcing me"

"Well ain't thatta bitch."

"Yeah, she heard me talking to you when you were in a coma. Confessed my love for you and she heard every word. Now she wants to sue for custody too."

He shoved his hands in his pocket as a nervous gesture.

Olivia rolled her eyes.

"Boo fucking woo! There you go again making everything about you. No one feels sorry for you El. Any other day I would have rushed to your side. I would have let you cry on my shoulder. But today, I couldn't care less. Kathy's leaving you? Good! She's taking the kids? Even better! You deserve every ounce of pain that comes your way. Consider it your karma!"

The fire in Olivia's eyes was like nothing he'd ever seen before. All he could do was stand there with his head down, guilt written all over his face.

"Ever heard the quote 'hell hath no fury like a woman scorned'?"

"Yes"

"Well if I were you I'd leave and never come back. Matter of fact, I'd leave town because if I see you come near me or my family, I'll make your life a living hell!"

Elliot nodded turned on his heal and left the room.

* * *

It had been a week since Olivia woke from her coma and since she'd seen Elliot. She battled with the thought that maybe she'd gone too far and possibly hurt the man's feelings but as quickly as those thoughts appeared, they disappeared.

"Okay Ms. Benson, if you just sign here you'll be ready to go."

Olivia scribbled her signature on the paper and handed the pen back to the nurse.

"Here are your prescriptions for your pain meds and iron pills. Also, here is a paper that tells you how to redress the bandages on your chest and back. Last but not least, please no stress! And that mean no work, no picking up heavy things, no arguing with that handsome boyfriend of yours and did I mention NO work." The nurse chuckled.

"Okay, Okay. I get it. No work or stress." Olivia smiled at the blonde haired woman standing above her.

"Alright Ms. Benson that seems about it. Once your ride gets here, you're free to go."

"Thanks Carol"

"No problem. You take care now"

Not too long after the nurse left the room Trevor walked in.

"You ready gorgeous?"

"I've been in this place for a month. I was ready to leave the day I woke up" she said with a smile.

"Then lets gooooooo"

They were walking down the hall to the elevator when Olivia asked about the kids.

"They're at home with my sister. I let them stay up and play video games last night. They we're still sleeping when I left the house."

"That was your plan wasn't it?"

"What was my plan?"

The elevator dinged signaling that it had arrived. When they got on, she looked up at the man.

"Let them stay up all night so that they wouldn't want to wake up and come with you to the hospital."

Trevor smiled.

"I don't know what you're talking about"

"mmmhmmmm"

They elevator dinged again and the doors opened. Olivia walked out first followed by Trevor who had her duffle bag slung over his shoulder.

Pypypypypypypypypy

When Trevor was sure that his girlfriend was in the car comfortably and seat belted in, he walked over to his side and got in.

"We have to go by the pharmacy to fill these" she held up the two prescription papers.

"Okay"

Trevor reached his arm across the center console and took Olivia's hand in his. He brought her fingers to his lips and kissed them. They sat hand in hand for the duration of the ride to the pharmacy.

"They didn't have the right iron pills so they said to come back later. I asked if they delivered but they said no so I'll run back out before dinner and come get them"

"mkay"

"You okay baby?"

"Yeah, just tired that's all"

She did her best to make it seem like a good night's rest was all it would take to make the mental and physical pain she was feeling, go away.

Even though there was a bus pulling up behind him and Trevor was clearly in its way, he didn't care. He turned towards his lover and slipped his hand under her chin forcing her to look at him.

She looked at the man. She contemplated lying to him. They'd said she had the best poker face out of anyone they knew so telling him some cockamamie story seemed like a good option at the moment. But thinking about it for a second, where had lying got her in the past.

"I'm just really exhausted and overwhelmed. My whole body hurts, and I really just wanna to go home."

Trevor nodded and swiped his hand across her cheek to wipe away a tear that had gone astray.

"Home it is then"

They continued to sit in silence as Trevor drove.

"Wait, your house or mine?" he asked as they pulled up to a red light.

She hadn't thought about that.

"Where are the kids?"

"My house"

"Then that's where I want to be. You, the kids and that big bed are all I need right now."

He squeezed her hand and started driving again.

When they pulled into the parking garage under the building, Trevor got out and walked over to the passenger's side. Though the weatherman had said that the high was going to be sixty-five degrees, it felt like thirty to Olivia. When she stepped out of the suv, a shiver went through her body causing her to shake. Trevor looked at her an noticed her teeth chattering. He shrugged off his hoodie and wrapped is around her small frame. She was swimming in it. She mouthed a thank you and began to walk towards the elevator. Trevor closed the door and grabbed the bag from the back. He pressed the button to lock the car, satisfied when he heard the horn honk.

They rode the elevator to the lobby of the building and then walked across the floor to the other elevators that would take them to the apartment.

"Welcome back Ms. Benson" the door man tipped his hat to her and smiled.

"Thanks Sam"

"If there's anything you need, feel free to call down"

This time both Olivia and Trevor smiled back at the man before retreating into the elevator and up to the apartment.

When they walked in, the house was quiet which was surprising. Charlotte was on the couch sleeping so when Trevor was finished taking Olivia upstairs and tucking her in the bed, he trotted back down the steps and over to his sister.

"Char, wake up" he shook her a little causing her to stir.

"Heyyyy" her voice was thick with sleep.

"Hey, Liv and I just got home. Did the kids wake up?"

"Nope" she answered while rubbing her eyes.

"Okay. Well, if you want you can go back to sleep. I'm gonna go back up to bed with Olivia until the kids wake"

"No, I'm gonna go home. Tell Liv I said hello and I'll drop by later to visit"

"Okay. Let yourself out whenever you're ready"

He walked back up the stairs and checked on the kids. Jazlyn had somehow managed to kick all of her blankets off and turn her body around so that her feet were where her head should be. He chuckled and picked up the blankets. He made sure his daughter was snug in her bed before he turned to the young boy in the other bed. He kissed both of their heads and walked out again.

When he walked back into his room, Olivia was standing by the window. He walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"You should be in bed gorgeous"

"I know, I just…."

Before she could finish her sentence, a sob escaped from her mouth. They both stood there. This is what she needed. She turned in Trevor's arms and cried against his chest. He tightened his grip around her when her knees began to shake.

Twenty minutes later, she was still crying. Though her tears had slowed, every now and then, a sob would wrack trough her fragile body. Trevor bent down and picked up Olivia and laid her in the bed. After he tucked her in, he walked over to his side of the bed and got in. Pulling her close, he cried too.

* * *

A couple hours later, Olivia was sitting up in the bed when a small knock on the door forced her to look up from the paper she was reading.

"Pops?" Jazlyn's small voice asked.

"No baby, it only me"

Jazzy opened the door all the way to see Olivia sitting against the headboard surrounded by a white comfiture and different sections of the New York Times on her lap.

"Can I come in?" he voice was lower than usual. Something wasn't right.

"Of course babygirl. Come get in the bed with me"

Olivia patted the other side of the bed and pulled down the covers. Once the girl climbed onto the bed, Olivia threw the paper down on the floor no longer interested in anything other then the girl next to her.

"You okay sweetheart?"

"I had a bad dream"

"Oh, baby" Olivia pulled the girl closer and let her lay her head in her lap. "Wanna tell me what it was about?"

"No"

In the couple of days before the shooting, Olivia had learned that, like herself, Jazlyn was stubborn. She'd look at the girl and saw so much of her inside those big hazel eyes.

"Okay. Well how about we watch some TV?"

She didn't get an answer from the child but took it as an affirmative. After about twenty minutes of watching some Saturday afternoon cartoons, Jazzy spoke up.

"Where'd pops go?"

"To pick up some medicine for me, why, you need something?"

"Nope, just wondering"

Silence fell upon them once again.

"Liv?"

"Hmmm?"

"Do you love my pops?"

The question caught her off guard.

"You know what babygirl, I do"

"Okay"

The conversation was over that quick. Olivia continued to rub circles over the girls back until they both drifted off to sleep.

Sometime during the day, both Calvin and Trevor had made it into the bed with them and when Olivia opened her eyes, she couldn't help but smile. This was one of those day where everyone was lazy and just laid in bed. She snuggled closer to the man beside her so that she was laying comfortably on his chest. Soon she was sleeping again. A small but noticeable smile on her face.

**A/N: **Ok ya'll I'm doing my best to update as fast as possible so bare with me. And also, the reviews that were written are nothin but somethin special to me. I can't thank you guys enough.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: **I didn't get as many reviews as usual on the last chapter. Hope I'm not losing readers.

Olivia was put on leave for a month or until her doctor said it was okay for her to go back to work. She was doing just fine with not working. She'd take the kids to school in the morning and pick Calvin up in the afternoon and help him with his homework only to have to return to the school and pick Jazlyn up from practice. They'd fallen into a prefect schedule which is why when the doctor told her that, after a month, she still felt that Olivia wasn't ready to return to work, Liv didn't mind.

Trevor walked into the house. The aroma in the air made him smile. He loved staying home and doing all the chores but he was excited when he'd started working again full time. He too loved being able to come home to his lover and his kids playing a game or making dinner or the best one, taking a nap in his bed.

"Hey, Hey, Hey. I'm home. Where is everyone?" He walked into the kitchen expecting to see Olivia but she wasn't there. He noticed the top on the pot was coming off. He walked over to the stove and turned it off. He trotted up the stairs and into his room. When he didn't see anyone, he turned and went into the kid's room.

"Hey, you guys, where's Olivia?"

Both kids looked up from what they were doing.

"Hi to you too pops" Jazlyn rolled her eyes and turned back to her homework.

"She said she was going to make dinner. Why, isn't she in the kitchen?" There was a little bit of panic in the boy's voice.

"Oh, ok" Trevor turned to close the door.

"Wait, she's not down there?"

"You know what, I didn't even check." He lied.

He closed the door, leaving it open just a crack. He checked the bathroom adjacent to the kid's room. Nothing. He walked back into his room and threw his tie onto the bed. He went to twist the knob on the bathroom door when he heard it. Something dropped. Something plastic. He tried opening the door but it wouldn't budge. He rammed his body into it but still nothing.

"Olivia, open up!"

He ran down the stairs and got a knife out the kitchen. He ran back up the stairs taking two at a time.

"Pop?"

"Go back in the room Jazzy. NOW!"

He ran back to his room stopping in front of the bathroom door. He stuck the knife in the key hole and jiggled it a bit till the lock popped. The door flung open and he looked around. The faucet was still running and so were the shower and the water for the bath tub. He kicked what he now noticed was the sound he heard from the bedroom, a prescription bottle. He quickly walked over to the tub and didn't see her. He turned off the water and carefully walked over to the shower and opened the door. There she was, laying on the floor, water falling down her body.

"Oh, god!"

He stepped in and picked her up not bothering to turn off the water. He carried her out of the bathroom and laid her down on the carpet in the bedroom. He checked for her pulse. It was there but faint.

"Come on Liv, stay with me. Open your eyes baby. Come on sweetie, don't do this."

"Jazzy!"

He stood and grabbed a handful of the sheets off the bed and wrapped it around Olivia.

"Jazlyn Marie!"

The young girl came running into the room. Her eyes immediately looked at the woman in her father's arms.

"Jazz, I need you to call 911"

The girl just stood there mesmerized by Olivia's face. Her lips were purple and her face pale. Her eyes were not fully closed which creped her out a bit.

"Dad, what's wrong with her?"

"JAZZY, 911 NOW!"

The girl finally turned and ran down the hall to the phone that was in her father's office. Calvin appeared in the door of the bedroom his mother and Trevor shared. He ran over to them and dropped to his knees.

"Mom! Mom! Wake up!"

Olivia's body was limp in Trevor's arms. Though her eyes half open, her body showed no response to the boy calling her name. It felt as though the ambulance took hours to get there but from the time Jazzy and ran back into the room till when she was running down the stairs to open the door for the EMT's was not more than five minutes.

As much as Trevor didn't want to, he had to take the kids to the hospital with him. He wanted nothing more than to be in the back of the ambulance with Olivia but instead he piled the kids into the car and drove as fast as he could to the all too failure hospital.

* * *

Trevor stood when he saw the doctor come walking out.

"We had to pump her stomach" Dr. Rubin told Trevor once she was standing in front of him.

"But she's going to be okay right?"

"Yes, she'll be fine. You can go see her if you'd like." she pointed towards the room Olivia was in.

"Okay, thanks" he walked back over to where the kids sat and gathered their things.

They began walking down the hall when Dr. Rubin stopped them.

"Hey, why don't you guys go in the room with Olivia while I talk to your dad?"

Both kids looked up and Trevor and when he nodded his head, they continued to Olivia's room.

"What is it? Is something wrong with Olivia?"

"Trevor, I think Olivia is battling with depression. She says that she didn't mean to take as many pills as she did, that she had a headache but I've seen it all before. I know some great places that she can go and get help…"

"No. I can help her. We can help her. The kids and I. Her family. I'll get her help. I'll send her to therapy or I'll have someone come to the house. I'll make sure she's never home alone but I'm NOT sending her to some nut house. Olivia's just been stressed lately and I know I've been no help."

"Trevor, she needs help"

"And she'll get it!" he exhaled and lowered his voice.

"I'm sorry. I know she needs help and like I said, I'll get her help"

"Okay." She turned and walked away and Trevor did too.

When Trevor stepped in the room events from two months before came flooding back. It was like déjà vu. Olivia was laying in the bed, a kid on either side. They were all watching Are You Smarter Then a Fifth Grader. When their eyes met, she gave him a smile that assured him that for the moment, things were ok.

* * *

"Olivia!"

"I said no Trevor. No! N-O!"

"Come on Olivia it's not that bad. You go for an hour everyday and you talk. As much as you talk at home, it should be a problem." He was trying to lighten the mood but it didn't work.

"I don't need to see some shrink. I'm fine. I took some pills for my headache without eating and I got dizzy while I was in the shower. That's it!"

"Look Liv, Dr. Rubin thinks we should check you into some kind of facility but I'm on your side. I know you didn't do this on purpose but please, humor me. Just go see the physiatrist and who knows, you might like it. Please just go, if not for me then for the kids. I'm even sending them to see Huang once a week. After all that we've been through everyone needs someone to talk to." He walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Are you going to go?"

"Yeah, I'll go with you if you want"

She turned in his embrace and looked up at him. "No, are you going to see someone yourself"

"I'm fine. I'm more worried about getting you and the kids back on track."

She pushed herself off o him. "You've got some nerve. You just stood there and talked about how everyone needs to see a shrink but I guess you forgot to say everyone but you right?"

"Liv, it's not like that. Please, calm down"

Olivia threw up her hands. "No, it is like that." She exhaled sharply and shook her head. "Did you tell me all that crap just now to get me to go see someone? Hmmm? What next, you gonna tell me I'm being paranoid?"

"Baby…"

"Don't _baby_ me. You know, maybe I was trying to kill myself. Maybe I wasn't. All I know is I wanted to get away from it all. I wanted to get away from the whispers and the guilt and you treating me like I'm fragile. I wanted to get away from me but now, now the only person I want to get away from is you."

Olivia slipped on her shoes and walked out the room. She walked past the kid's room thankful that Trevor had sent them to his sister's house for the weekend. Maybe he'd suspected that she'd put up a fight with him and didn't want the kids around to witness it.

"Olivia, where are you going?"

"Out"

"Out where?"

"Just out"

"Well I'm coming with you"

She turned around and gave him a glare like no other.

"I guess I didn't make myself clear. I need to get away from you. You're suffocating me. I'm not some fragile piece of china that you have to handle with care. Come to think of it, I'm a grown ass woman and if I want to go out, I sure as hell don't need supervision nor do I need to tell you where I'm going."

She grabbed her coat off the hook and reached in the bowl for her car keys. In one swift move she was out the door. She opted to take the stairs. Her adrenaline was pumping and she needed to get out of there as fast as she could.

* * *

Olivia pulled over to the side, parking next to a fire hydrant. She put the car in park and leaned her head against the steering wheel. Now that she was out of the apartment and away from Trevor, she didn't know where to go. She could drive around for hours but that's not what she wanted.

Since her and Elliot had their falling out before the shooting, she'd found a confidant in Alex so normally when she needed to vent, she'd call the woman up. But she needed to talk to someone face to face. She needed someone to see how angry Trevor had made her. Alex was miles away in DC so she was no longer an option. She thought about going to Casey's house out in Long Island. On a day like today, the traffic would be light and she'd get there in no time. She thought about it for a minute. Casey didn't know her like Alex did. Casey was good for going out to drinks or sitting on the couch watching movies and stuffing their faces with ice cream but when it came to expressing her feelings, she'd prefer not to talk to Casey about them.

She sat there for a few minutes. Her eyes began to hurt from the strain of trying not to cry. Her mistake was blinking. She tried hard to stop the tears that were literally dropping from her eyes but the more she blinked the more tears that fell.

Olivia started the car again. She pulled out of the spot and drove. Once she started driving, her body was on autopilot. Maybe if her head was in the right place, she would have stopped herself. Twenty minutes later, she pulled up in front of a white house. She decided not to pull up into the driveway but instead, park on the street. There were toys littered around the front yard. A tricycle over on the side of the house whose wheels were moving from the force of the wind. She'd been here plenty of times. Sometimes for dinner or holidays. Other times just to escape from everyday city life.

She inhaled deeply and turned the engine off. When she exhaled, she got out the SUV. She wiped her face ridding it of any tears. Again, if she had been in the right state of mind, she'd probably turn right back around a get back in the car but in this moment, she wasn't herself at all.

Someone peaked out from behind the curtain in what she knew was the kitchen. Before she finished her walk up to the house, the door swung open.

"You've got some nerve showing your face here Olivia!"

She was in no mood to fight which brought her back to the question, why was she here?

"Is he here?"

"Very funny. I thought he'd be somewhere shacked up with you. What's wrong, he cheat on you too?"

"What are you talking about? You know I'm with Trevor"

The woman standing at the door chuckled.

"So, that supposes to mean something?"

Olivia rolled her eyes and turned to walk away. She'd try the precinct next.

"Wait, Liv. I haven't seen him in a couple moths. He signed the papers, packed some clothes and left. Didn't even bother to show up at the custody hearing. Last I heard, his mother said he's gotten himself a house somewhere out in Jersey." She turned her head back into the house and then back out to look at Olivia. "I have the address if you want. Maybe you can knock some sense in him, get him to come see the kids every once in a while."

Olivia watched the woman retreat back inside and appear a few seconds later. She took the paper from her hands and began walking back to her car.

"You know Kathy, if I wasn't mad at Elliot myself, I'd tell you how much of a bitch you are. Wait, I just did. I you don't give two fucks if El ever sees his kids again so stop acting like you do. You're not fooling anyone. Yeah, Elliot cheated on you, not with just one woman but two. I'm sorry but don't you ever ask yourself, what did we have that you didn't? I mean if what he had at home was so good, " the smirk on her face was priceless and so was Kathy's jaw touching the floor.

Olivia continued her walk to down the walkway and to the car.

* * *

_Wow, he's done pretty well for himself. Three story house, BMW in the driveway. Kathy might have took his pride and his kids away but she sure didn't take his money. _She contemplated for a minute turning around and driving back down the street. _No, you know you want to see him. You need to see him. _She clicked her seat belt off and opened the car door. She began walking up the driveway to the house, her head hung low. When she got to the door she thought about knocking but then she thought about if he was all the way upstairs, would he here her. Finally, she decided to ring the bell.

After a couple of seconds, there was no answer. Instead of her ringing the bell again, she turned and walked away. She was half way down the drive when the door opened.

"Yes?"

Elliot stood with a towel around his waist and his feet bare. Maybe it was the fact that he hadn't seen the woman in a moth of Sundays or that she had done her hair in two French braids earlier that morning that had him wondering who the woman standing in his front yard was.

Olivia turned and looked at the man standing at the door.

"Hey, El."


	8. Chapter 8

"Wha..what are you doing here Liv?" While waiting for an answer from the woman standing halfway down the walk, he shivered. It was early December and he was standing at the door with nothing on. "Come. Come in. Let's get out of this cold."

She looked up at him and the quickly walked back up to the house. When he stepped to the side, she hesitated but walked in. he closed the door and ushered her to the next room.

"Sit. Take off your coat. I'm gonna go put some clothes on." Elliot ran up the stairs and disappeared into a room.

Olivia looked around at what she guessed was the living room. There was a 40" TV hanging on the wall. The fireplace was going and there were GQ magazines on the coffee table. There were two rocking recliners side by side at the other end of the room. She was sitting on what she knew had to be a Lay-Z-Boy sofa with, instead of a middle cushion, a cup holder and a small table.

She stood and walked over to the mantel. There were pictures of the kids and of what Olivia knew were nieces and nephews. She stopped when she came across one of her and Elliot. He was kissing her cheek at the last Christmas party. The smile on her face was big and bright enough to light up the room. She ran her finger over the picture. She missed that. A tear feel and she was quick to wipe it away. Maybe it was the roaring of the fire below her or the wind hitting the windows or even the fact that she was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't hear the man come back down the stairs.

"So, I don't mean to sound blunt but, why are you here?"

Olivia turned around and looked at the man reclined in the chair closest to the window. She walked over and sat in the chair next to him. "Trevor and I got into a fight" She leaned forward, resting her forearms on her knees. She didn't want to get too comfortable too fast.

"So, you drove all the way out here to tell me that?" Elliot took a sip of the beer that was sitting on the side table.

"You know what; I don't know why I came. I'm gonna go." She stood and walked towards the door. When she got outside she let her tears fall freely. _You're so stupid Liv. Did you really think that after everything that went down between you two that he was going to welcome you back with open arms? You're better off going back home to Trevor because at this point, that's all you've got. Who knows, you've probably pushed him away too. That's what you do best. You push everyone who tries to love you away and you end up alone. _She was crying harder then she thought and the thoughts in her head weren't easing up so when she felt the warmth of someone's body against hers, she panicked. She tried to push the person off of her but she finally relaxed against his chest once she realized it was Elliot.

"Shhh, Shhh. I got you Liv. It's me." When he bent down to pick her up, he braced himself thinking that she'd be heavy but she felt lighter than his youngest daughter. He carried her back to the house and sat down in the chair, Olivia in his lap. He grabbed the blanket from behind him and wrapped it around Olivia. He wanted so bad to be mad at the woman in his arms right now. She'd basically kicked him out of New York and now she was in his house, sobbing.

When Olivia had stopped crying and the tears from her eyes had somewhat cleared, she realized that she was back in Elliot's house and turning her head a bit, she realized that she too was in his arms.

"Oh my god!" She jumped up quickly. Maybe a little too quickly because as quick as she was up is as quick as came down. But there he was, like always, to catch her when she falls.

"Liv, you okay?" His eyebrows arched in worry. He'd never seen her so distraught.

"El I…I…my world feels like its falling apart and I had no one to go to. I thought about going to Casey but….and then I went to your house or I guess Kathy's house I should say and she said that you up and left one day and you didn't even show up for court. How could you NOT show up for court El? You love those kids." She looked at him waiting for some kind of explanation.

Elliot slid Olivia off his lap and into the small space next to him on the chair then he stood and walked to the kitchen. He was back to being mad at the woman. He reached into the fridge and he could see her coming towards him out of the corner of his eye. He walked to the island and stood there staring down at the marble.

"I didn't know."

Olivia pushed herself off the doorframe and walked over to the man. "Didn't know what?"

He took a swig of beer and offered it to his former partner. When she shook her head he took another sip and then placed it on the counter. "I didn't know she went to court. I had only planed on staying with a buddy over here for a couple days until everything blew over and then when I went home one day, she shoved the divorce papers in my face. I packed my shit, signed the papers and left. She told me that she'd call my cell so that we could work out the custody thing. I've been waiting for that call. I should have known better though."

Olivia put her hand on the man's arm trying to offer some comfort but instead he jerked away.

"Liv, why are you here?"

"I needed someone to talk to. Listen El, I know I said some pretty harsh things to you the last time we saw each other but…"

"But nothing Liv, everything you said, you meant and I respect that. I deserved everything that was said or done to me but forgive me if I'm not welcoming you back with open arms."

"El, I won't apologize for the things I said but I am willing to start fresh. Over the last couple moths I thought about what went down that whole week before the shooting and its as much my fault as it is yours. I should have told you about the baby and I shouldn't have gone in that building after you knowing how I was feeling."

"How you were feeling?"

"Yeah, the morning sickness had left me feeling lightheaded and…."

"Why didn't you tell me Liv?"

Olivia exhaled leaned against the counter top. "We were out there to do one thing and that was to pick up the suspect and bring him in. I didn't think we'd get shot at or that I'd end up in the hospital. I…I didn't think that I'd lose the baby either but I did and I've dwelled on it enough. I just….I need my bestfriend back El." She looked him in the eyes and when she didn't get a response from the man she spoke again. "Please?"

"Sooo, you curse me out, lie to me, shack up with someone you know I don't like, threaten my life, cause me to break up my marriage, and force me out of the city. And you expect that I'll welcome you back with open arms?"

She looked at Elliot. Her head began to nod in a yes motion and then she spoke. "Yeah, something like that." She gave him a smile that won his heart but he'd let her have it first.

"No."

Olivia's smiled disappeared quicker than ever. "What do you mean _no_?"

Elliot picked up his beer and walked back into the living room. "I mean no as in N-O, no." He finished his sentence with a big flop down on the couch.

She walked into the room and saw the man sitting there on the couch, beer in one hand and the remote in the other. He had his eyes trained on the TV that was turned to football. She stood in front of him, blocking his view to the TV. "You're kidding me right?"

At first, Elliot tried to look around the woman to see the TV. It wasn't hard though, since she'd lost so much weight._ I'll ask her about that later. _Then he huffed and sat back in his seat and looked at the woman he once loved and actually still does. Every part of him wanted to snatch her up and take her upstairs and make love to her but he wouldn't. Instead, he smiled.

"What's so funny? Is me standing here begging for your friendship funny to you?" she said with a chuckle.

"Yeah Liv, actually, it is" he pulled her into his lap and looked up into her eyes. "I'm jus playin with you Liv"

She smiled and swatted him on his arm. "You're rotten"

"Yeah, but you love me" he smiled.

"Oh yeah, who says?"

"I say" he began tickling her.

"El, stop I can't breathe" Olivia said between laughing and gasping for air.

"Say uncle"

Olivia tried her best not to give in but breathing was getting harder and harder to do so she gave up. "Uncle, uncle, oh god El, UNCLE!"

Their faces were inches apart when Olivia finally opened her eyes. His crystal blue eyes met her cinnamon brown ones and before they could stop themselves, their lips were pressed together. Everything came to a halt when Elliot dropped the remote. Their lips parted faster than either of them wanted them to. Olivia's hand flew to her mouth, he eyes wide with shock.

"Oh Liv, I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me."

"No, it's fine. I've got Trevor at home and I sh…I shouldn't have let that kiss happen" she stood and prepared herself to leave but she stopped when she felt a hand on her arm.

"Look Liv, you came here for a reason. Sit, I can get you something to drink and we'll talk. You can sit over there and I'll sit here and we'll just _talk_"

She looked out the window and then back at the man. _You did come here to talk and it'd be a waist if you let one silly kiss stop you._

"Okay, I'll stay." She walked over to the other side of the couch and sat down.

"Do you want something to drink? I've got water, milk, coffee, hot coco, beer, wine…"

"I'm fine El."

"Okay, well take off your jacket. Make yourself at home."

Olivia shrugged off her jacket and rid herself of her shoes too. She folded her legs Indian style and looked at Elliot.

"So, you said you wanted to talk. What's up?"

"I tried to kill myself the other day" the sentence was blunter then she expected it would be but she continued. "I don't know what happened. Everything was great. Trevor, the kids and I, we were like a family. We fell into a routine and I was happy." She brought her knees up and rested her chin on top. "I went in for my check-up. The doctor told me that everything was healing fine but she wanted to keep me out of work for another month. One day, I picked the kids up when they got out of school and when we got home I sent them to do their homework and I started on dinner." Tears were flowing down her face like a waterfall. She accepted the box of tissues that Elliot had got up to give to her.

"Thanks." She wiped her face and gave him a crooked smile. "So, I was standing at the stove thinking about everything. I loved the stay at home mom life that I was living. But I missed work so much. I missed Munch's coffee and I missed Fin calling me babygirl. I missed the feeling of walking into a interrogation room knowing that I was gonna hammer a confession out of a perp. I missed Cragen barking orders at me. But most of all, I missed you." She smiled through a fresh batch of tears.

Elliot stood and walked back over to Olivia. He squatted down in front of her and rubbed her back.

"God, I'm such a softie" she said as she laughed.

"No, it's okay. To tell you the truth, I missed you too. I wanted to come down and see you but.."

"Yeah, I know"

"Lift your legs" Elliot stood and patted her jean covered legs.

Olivia looked up at him confused. "Huh?"

He rolled his eyes. "You never one to just do what was asked of you were you?" He brought her legs from under her and stretched them straight. He slipped into the spot next to her on the cushion and then placed her legs on his lap. He looked up at Olivia and gestured his hand for her to continue.

Breathing in a deep breath, Olivia spoke again. "I guess everything piled up in my head and I got the worst headache ever. I walked up to the bathroom and my first thought was to take an aspirin, so I did. Then I thought, maybe if I took a hot bath, it might relax me. the tub was taking too long to fill up and the longer I waited, the more my head hurt. So I took a few more aspirin's and the bath still wasn't filled. My heart started beating fast so I started the shower. I turned on the knob so that that only the cold water was running. I started to think of how much better life would be if I were dead. I told myself, if I were dead, I…I wouldn't have to feel pa..pa..pain." Sobs racked her body all Elliot could do is pull her into his chest and rock her in his arms.

"I just…I just wanted to feel better. I….I'm sorry." She continued to sob into Elliot.

"Shhh, shhh,shhh, I know. It's over now sweetie. I got you. It's all over and I'm so happy you're still alive cause I don't know what I'd do without you." he spoke into her hair. _Coconut._

An hour had passed. She'd stopped crying at one point and just laid there. Elliot didn't mind that his Marines t-shirt was now soaked with Olivia's tears. His body had not stopped rocking. His back burned and his arms had long ago grown numb but it all didn't matter to him. Olivia finally lifted her head and their faces were again, inches apart.

This time when they kissed, neither of them had any intentions on pulling away. Elliot unwrapped his arms from around Olivia's waist and placed his hands on either side of her face, deepening the kiss. When they parted for air, Liv ran the tip of her tongue over Elliot's lips and then sat back. A small smile danced across her lips. She dove in to kiss the man again but he stopped her.

"Liv, I love you. But if you kiss me again like you just did, I don't know if I'll be able to hold myself back from taking you upstairs and making love to you."

_Olivia, you're taken. You've got Trevor at home. You two had one fight. He loves you Liv and you know you love him too. Trevor is the one you want to be with. He's your Clark Kent. LIV, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?_

"Liv, you okay?"

Her eyes came back into focus and she smiled again. Yes, she loved Trevor but only two men had her heart. Calvin and Elliot. If she was a go by the book kind of girl then she would get up right now, walk out and act like nothing had ever happened but she wasn't. She was madly in love with the man sitting beside her and nothing was going to change that.

"El?"

"Yeah?"

"Make love to me" She bit the tip of her nail while she waited for the man.

He knew it wasn't a question but he still had to make sure this is what she wanted.

"Liv, are you sure? I don't want to take advantage of you in the state that you're in. I wan…"

She raised her other hand and placed her finger over his lips. "El, I know what I'm saying. I want you to make love to me, please."

The lust in her eyes was all he needed and had she been some random fuck, he would have did her right then and there but she was more than that. Way more than that. He slipped one arm under her legs and the other around her back. He walked carefully as to not step on the remote because he wasn't sure where it had dropped. When he got to the stairs, he stopped.

"Are you sure Liv? Cause once we get up there I'll have you out of those clothes and in that bed so fast…"

"I'm sure."

He continued up the stairs. When he got to the top he turned and walked along the banister and to the last room down the hall. He laid Olivia on the bed. His body's reaction to the woman took no time to make its self known. He looked down at himself and then at Olivia lying on his bed. He was about to make love to the most beautiful woman in the world and this time, it was no mistake.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: **Wow, it's been a while. Well let me start by saying that I am truly sorry for the wait. I had some serious writers block my sweet darlin's but I'm back now and here is the next chapter.

"Why, such a big house though? I mean it is just you living here right?"

Thinking about it, she probably should have asked that last question before they made love; three times. Her eyes looked around; roaming for some kind of sign that there was someone living here with me man. The thought of this happening again made her cringe.

He saw her worried expression and gave her arm a reassuring squeeze. "Relax Liv. I thought the kids would be staying here sometimes. I wanted them to have enough space for whatever it is they wanted to do."

Olivia leaned closer to the man and breathed a sigh of relief. "Yeah but this is huge El. I mean there's gotta be like eight bedrooms in this place."

"Five, not including the apartment in the basement" he said with a smile. When Olivia looked at him shocked, he began to speak again. "I know, it's still a lot but the one next door is for Eli cause you know he's still a baby so I want to be next to him just in case. The next room down is an office slash guest room when need be. And upstairs, the twins can have a room each." He was picking at something on the sheets. It was then that he began to feel a little foolish for ever thinking he'd get to see his kids again.

She didn't catch on to his shame; her curiosity was in the way. "And the basement?"

"Basement is for the girls. You know, when the holidays roll around or if they ever wanna just crash here. They're practically grown and I know they need their privacy so I thought they'd like it down there."

"Wow, you really thought about this" she spoke against his chest.

"Yeah, I've had plenty of time."

Finally, she caught on. She lifted her head and looked up at the man under her. Her chin rested on his chest. They lay like that for a couple minutes.

"It took me a good while to get up here. I take it you left the 1-6?"

"Yeah, the day we got into that fight. You told me to leave town and at first, I wasn't going to. But you've been my partner for over ten years and I know when you get mad, it's nothing to be taken lightly. So I handed in my papers that day. Took some photo's off the desk and never went back"

All this time, Olivia had stayed away from the precinct because she was sure Elliot would be there. She'd gotten plenty of calls from Cragen, Fin and even Munch about how much they miss her and asking her to come by for a visit. It takes a lot to get Olivia mad, she knows that, but she never would have thought that she could drive someone out of town.

She played with a strand of hair on his chest. Her voice was low and her eyes never quite reached his. "So…so where do you work now?"

"Delaware Water Gap Police Department. It's about thirty minutes away from here if there's no traffic, an hour and change if there is."

"They good?"

"They're no sex crimes and I won't lie, my partner now isn't nearly as hot as my last one but it pays well and I can't complain" he turned his body so that they were face to face now.

"El, I'm sorry." A tear escaped from her right eye and she didn't bother to wipe it away.

Elliot wiped away the tear that glistened on Olivia's cheek. "Don't be sorry sweetie. What are you sorry for? I'm the one who should be sorry. And I am. I'm sorry Olivia, more than you'll ever know. If I could go back to the night when we first made love…" He began crying and now it was Olivia's turn to wipe away his tears. "Liv, you deserved a better man and I wish that I could have been him. Everything that's happened, me leaving the city, not getting the kids, losing you, I deserved it all." He placed his hand over the one she had rested on the side of his face.

Olivia smiled through fresh tears. "El, you were a good man. I couldn't have asked for a better first time with you. Yeah, what happened afterwards is unfortunate but neither of us can go back now. I love you El. I'm _in love_ with you Elliot Stabler." She sealed her words with a kiss. The kiss sent chills down her back just like the first time they'd had sex.

Elliot was the first to break the kiss. "I'm in love with you too Olivia Benson." He rolled back onto his back and wiped way a few stray tears. His gaze was distant.

Olivia moved closer to the man beside her. She knew him. She knew him maybe more then he knew himself. So she knew that something was going on in his mind. "El?"

He knew there was no hope in trying to hide it from Olivia and in reality; he needed an answer to the question still weighing on his mind.

"Liv, I want to be with you. Really, I do. But what about Trevor? I mean I know you're telling me that you're in love with me and I believe you but eventually, you've gotta go back to the city and face the music. You two basically have a little family going on and….."

"El, stop." She hushed him with a finger on his lips. "I know what I'm doing. I don't want Trevor, I want you. I know I've got a lot waiting for me when I get home but I need to face the music. Trevor and I are over." She lifted her body to lie on top of his. His erection immediately made itself known.

"Liv…"

"Shhh, El. I promise, it's over." She kissed his lips while he bottom half began to grind against his lower abdomen. Her tongue lingered over his lips as she reached over to the side table. Her hand felt around for the handle to the drawer and pulled it open. She stopped teasing and kissed the man hard. Pulling away, she looked up to where her hand was. Her face scrunched up in what looked like defeat.

"What's wrong?" Elliot looked up at the woman who was making him hornier then a teenage boy. Then it dawned on him. Between their last two love making sessions, he'd changed his condom at least twice and that had been the last two in the box. "Oh, ok. Look in the bathroom, top shelf of the medicine cabinet." He probably would have gotten up and got it himself but he was in a pretty compromising position at the moment.

Olivia walked into the bathroom and gawked at its size. She thought the one at Trevor's house was big but it was nothing compared to the one she was in at the moment. When Elliot had called after her asking if she'd found what she was looking for, she quickly directed herself over to her destination.

She walked back in the room and threw the box onto Elliot's chest. She climbed back over him and made sure to graze his shaft with her wet center. In return, the man took in a sharp breath and he pulled her face down into a kiss.

Again, they both parted their lips with a need to fill their lungs with air. Olivia took it upon herself to open the box that sat between them. She ripped off one of the condoms and discarded the box on the floor. Ripping open the packet with her teeth, she finally exposed the reason for which they were not yet making love for the umpteenth time. She slid the condom onto Elliot's member. When she was sure it was just right, she braced herself on the man's chest with one hand and guided him into her with the other.

They both let out a moan that echoed through the large room. Olivia's finger nails dug into Elliot's chest as she adjusted to his size. She bit her bottom lip as she began to move up and down on his shaft. Elliot knew how much the woman loved to be in control so he placed his hands on her hips and let her ride him at her own place not matter how much he wanted to flip her over and rock her world.

Even between the smack of their bodies colliding at every thrust of their hips and the bed squeaking, you could still hear the moaning and grunts that escaped their lips. When she expressed her need to release, he begged for her to wait for him. It wasn't long before they both reached their highs, together. Coming down, Olivia resumed her previous position on Elliot's chest and allowed the man to slip out of her which sent a chill down her back.

"That was…"

Olivia smiled and finished the sentence. "Good"

"Better than good" Elliot said with a chuckle. "It was…"

"It was great" Olivia finished again.

After a few minutes of them comfortably laying in silence, Olivia sniffled and tried her hardest to stop her tears from falling. She failed. _God girl, get it together. Give them eyes a rest. You've cried enough for three people. _She chuckled at herself.

"Liv?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you crying?"

Her lips curled into a small smile. "No"

Elliot propped himself up on his elbows causing the woman on his chest roll over. When Olivia still hadn't looked up at him, he placed a gentle finger under her chin and lifted her face. Her tear stained face made his heart melt, just like it did every time. He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on her lips. When they parted, more tears began to flow from her eyes.

"Liv, did I do something?"

"No, no. El, their happy tears"

"Liv are you sure? Cause if I hurt you or I went too fast or…"

"Shhh El. I promise, they're happy tears. I'm happy that I get to make love to you again and again and again. I love you El. I just.."

"Just what Liv?"

"Nothing, forget it. I'm just a mess right now."

"No, tell me. If there's something bothering you, I want to know"

She hesitated. She opened her mouth to talk but quickly shut it again. Then she just looked at him. She could see it in his eyes that he loved her and for a moment, that was all she needed to erase her doubts and fears. _Liv, what's the problem now? The man loves you. He just made love to you. If you were having doubts, why didn't you say something before he fucked your brains out? _Her mind continued to run. She was starting to wonder if this was all a mistake.

"Liv?"

"El, I….I can't….Are you….Is this" She was at a loss for words. Her mind felt like it was turning non-stop and it was getting to her more and more. Her breathing quickened and she began to feel a familiar headache coming on. _Calm down Liv. Just breathe. He loves you somethin crazy and you're lettin them damn insecurities get in the way. What more does the man gotta do to assure you that he ain't goin anywhere. You let him go once and he let you back in. Next time, he might just let you go. This is what you want Liv. Don't mess it up. _She was so lost in her thoughts, she didn't hear the man calling her name.

"LIV!"

Her eyes that were, until this point, trained on some random non-existent spot on the wall. She felt the man stand up and put on his boxers. When she turned to face Elliot, all she could do was stair at him. Her hands were shaking and she was going back to that place. The place that had once made her believe killing herself was the right answer. Her head was pounding now and her breathing was still uneven. She felt Elliot slide up behind her and wrap her in his arms. Her body was so tense that it felt almost like she was trying to fight him off but in reality, she welcomed the touch.

She could feel his heart beat on her back and tried to match her breathing with his. The throbbing in her head began to slow. When she was finally able to focus on something other than her thoughts, she heard the man behind her singing softly. He was singing _their song_.

_The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful_

_Stop me and steal my breath_

_And emeralds from mountains thrust towards the sky_

_Never revealing their depth_

_And tell me that we belong together_

_Dress it up with the trappings of love_

_I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips_

_Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above_

_And I'll be your cryin' shoulder_

_I'll be love suicide_

_And I'll be better when I'm older_

_I'll be the greatest fan of your life_

_And rain falls angry on the tin roof_

_As we lie awake in my bed_

_And you're my survival, you're my living proof_

_My love is alive, and not dead_

_And tell me that we belong together_

_Dress it up with the trappings of love._

_I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips_

_Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above_

_And I'll be your cryin' shoulder_

_I'll be love suicide_

_And I'll be better when I'm older_

_I'll be the greatest fan of your life._

_And I dropped out, I burned up, I fought my way back from the dead,_

_I tuned in, turned on, remembered the thing that you said._

_And I'll be your cryin' shoulder_

_I'll be love's suicide_

_And I'll be better when I'm older_

_I'll be the greatest fan of your life_

_The greatest fan of your life._

By the time he was done, there was a small smile on her face. He leaned back against the headboard and she leaned against him. Any other time, this surely would have made them both horny but now, now they were just enjoying the embrace.

"Where'd you go Liv?"

"Hmmm?"

"Talk to me Liv. What's going on?"

"El, do you think I'm crazy?" She meant it for a rhetorical question but the extended pause left enough room for the man to speak.

"No. I mean you have your moments where I'm pretty sure your head might do a complete 360 but that's more scary then crazy…." He died out his sentence with a soft chuckle.

"No. I mean…" She opened her mouth a couple more times, prepared to say something but shut it without saying another word. "Forget it." She looked down at her pants and her shirt laying on the floor. She was about to do what she normally did. Run.

Elliot followed Olivia's eyes down to the floor. He let out a huff and swung his feet over the side of the bed. He bent down to pick up the clothes and handed them to the woman.

"Here" When she didn't take them he shoved them at her a little harder. "It's what you want right Liv?"

She looked at him surprised. _Is he kicking me out? _"What are you doing?" She asked as he grabbed her by the arm and ushered her to the bedroom door. He face was coated in confusion.

Elliot stopped a few inches before the door and whipped her around to look at him. "It's what you do. You either push people out of your life or you run away. You know what, I take it back. You are crazy. I poured out my love for you and you can't even let me in. What on god's green earth is going on with you Olivia Benson?" The last sentence was laced with pure frustration. He couldn't believe that after the day they'd just had, she couldn't at least knock down one wall and let him in.

She breathed out a sigh of frustration and gave in. "Trevor and Dr. Rubin thought it would be a good idea to send me to a nut house or to see a therapist. Thing is, I don't need help. Or at least I thought I didn't. Not until just now. I thought I wouldn't go back to that dark place. The place of me wanting to kill myself and I did." _And this is when I start crying….again._

Elliot reached out his arm and wrapped his hand around the back of Olivia's neck and pulled her into him. "Liv, there is nothing wrong with admitting that you need help. Hell, I even need to see a therapist. It's okay to not be okay." He spoke into her hair.

She forcefully pushed herself off his chest and looked at him. Her eyes were filled with some emotion that Elliot couldn't really put his finger on but he knew it wasn't good. "So, you think I'm crazy too?" Again, the question was totally rhetorical but Elliot decided to answer.

"That's not what I meant Liv. I just think that maybe seeing someone isn't such a bad thing. I mean what's the worst that'll happen. You'll go, possibly like the person, talk and feel better. I don't see what the problem is."

"THE PROMLEM IS THAT I'M NOT FUCKING CRAZY!" She smiled and shook her head. "Forget it." She took her clothes and put them on she left the room and traveled down the stairs leaving the tall man standing at the door. The house was darker then before making her realize how late it had gotten. She felt around for her shoes but was having no luck in finding them. After a few seconds, the room became lit and her shoes were right in front of her face. She turned to see Elliot standing by the light switch. She shoved her feet in her shoes and then reached for her coat.

"Liv come on. I'm sorry. Can't we just go back to bed and talk about this some other time?"

"Move Elliot!"

"Liv please?"

She put on her jacket and the leather un-sticking seemed loud in the silent house. She moved to walk around the man but just like a shadow, he moved with her.

"Elliot, no matter what, you're going to still think I need help. So what's the point? We can talk about it every day until the day I die but I'm telling you, I'm not going to see a therapist. End of story!" She finally got past him and to the door. She had turned the knob and opened the door just a tab before the man started talking again.

"So that's it? Just like that you're going to walk out? I tell you how much I love and want to be with you and you're just going to walk out on me?" His voice was no longer as soft as it once was. He was getting pissed and it was showing. A lot.

Olivia's body wiped around quickly. A smile came to her face quickly as if she had just thought of a brilliant idea. She stepped closer to the man and began to speak. Her voice low.

"Elliot, do you really know what karma feels like? Let me tell you. Karma is me telling you that what we just did, what I said earlier, it was all a _mistake_. I've got a boyfriend at home who loves me and two kids who think of me as their mother." She smiled ever wider at the look on Elliot's face. She usually wasn't one to get revenge on any person but she wasn't herself right now. She moved back over to the door and opened it fully. Before she turned to leave she looked him in the eyes and spoke again.

"I mean what we had wasn't serious right?"

And with that, she was gone.

* * *

The drive back to the city was a long one but it gave her time to think. She had no intentions of ending the night like she had just done. But then again, she didn't have any intentions on fucking Elliot either but shit happens. _Are you happy now Liv? All the man was trying to do was love and help you and now you've gone and pushed another one away. What the heck is wrong with you? What are you going to do now? You gonna go back to that boyfriend of yours and act like nothing ever happened? You know you want to be with Elliot. Making him suffer is only making you hurt more._ She pulled her car into the garage and just sat there for a while.

When she finally put her key into the apartment door lock, she found Trevor and his sister sitting in the living room with two other people who didn't look familiar to her. She thought about turning around and sitting in her car for a little while long her but it was too late. Though she hadn't even been gone for the whole day, she knew it was long enough to cause some worry.

"Mom?"

She loved her son. Really, she did. But at that moment, she was not liking him so much. She cursed under her breath because now there was no going back. She plastered a fake smile on her face and stepped into the apartment. She braced herself just in time for the boy to ram into her. She hadn't been gone for too long but the boy hadn't seen her since before Trevor sent them to his sisters.

She hugged the boy back and kissed the top of his head. "Hey baby. I missed you so much. Where's Jazzy?"

"Liv?" The little girls voice was soft. Almost as if she was scared. Possibly scared that Olivia had done the unthinkable and left just like her birth mother had.

Olivia momentarily let go of Calvin and opened her arms to let the girl run into them and when she did, her heart melted. She had formed a special bond with the girl in the little time they'd been living together and to her surprise, Calvin didn't mind. He was close to Trevor so everything seemed to work out. But in that moment, he was still her little boy and she missed him something serious so she opened one arm and pulled him into the hug.

She wanted nothing more than to stay wrapped in the arms of her kids but she felt eyes on her and with force, she looked up to see four pairs looking back at her. _Oh gosh Liv, you've got some splainin to do._

**A/N: **Okay so I know some of ya'll are probably like WTF cause I done put Elliot and Olivia together and now I'm breaking them apart but remember I said they'd be together but not without some drama. Oh and just in case anyone is wondering, the song is I'll Be by Edwin McCain.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: So I'm sorry doesn't even begin to express how bad I feel for not updating in sooo long. I've been working and I got engaged and everything's been crazy. I hope you enjoy this chapter though =] Also, I apologize for any grammatical errors in advance.

Once Olivia and Trevor reassured the two cops and his sister that everything was okay and they could leave, all hell broke loose. While Olivia tried to act like nothing was wrong, Trevor talked until he was blue in the face. She washed dishes and he yelled at her for walking out on their family. She changed her clothes and he continued to yell about how she could have at least called to tell him she was okay. She put some more wood in the fireplace and he asked her if she was listening and to which her response was a simple nod.

Once their one sided fight was over, they had sex much to Olivia's dismay. Trevor enjoyed every moment of it but Olivia on the other hand just lied there and let the man do as he pleased. She hoped that letting him have his way with her would make up for the worry she'd put him through that day. _Just fake it till you make it Liv. _And fake it is exactly what she did until her body, against her will, reached its peak and both of their bodies spasmed as they came together. Finally when the man got tired and left her alone, she picked herself up and showered.

Later, she found herself in the office reading the first thing that had caught her attention. While she was physically reading the book, mentally she was in another world. Her mind kept going back to the day she'd just spent with Elliot. She could deny it all she wanted and she could act like living without him wasn't painful but the truth is, it hurt more than she ever imagined it would.

"Olivia?" The little girl's voice was so soft that the woman almost missed it.

Looking up from her book, Olivia saw the young girl in the doorway clad in one of her old NYPD t-shirts, shorts and a pair of toe socks. When she saw the tears in Jazzy's eyes her heartbeat quickened and her book feel from her hands. Her arms were barley opened for a second before the little girl came barreling towards the woman.

In the weeks that Olivia and Calvin had been living with the girl and her father, Olivia had noticed that Jazz had more than a fair share of nightmares.

"It's okay babygirl. No need to cry because whatever it is, I'll take care of it. I promise." She rocked back and forth on the small couch that sat in the corner by the window. The wind blew harshly against the building and it sent chills down the girl's spine and Olivia held her tighter. When Jazlyn's breathing returned to normal, she slid down next to Olivia on the couch.

"You have another bad dream?"

Jazz didn't even bother to give a verbal response. She nodded her head and then curled into Olivia's side. She brought her fingers up to her mouth and snuck the middle and pointer fingers in her mouth. Olivia was working hard on trying to get her to stop the bad habit and was proud of the girl because she'd only see the girl do this when she'd have a bad dream and needed some comfort. But whenever the girl placed her fingers in her mouth, her security blanket wasn't far. Sure enough bubs, her blanket, was hanging out the back pocket of her night shorts.

Olivia pulled the girl closer. She never pressed for the girl to tell her about her dreams. She knew that when Jazzy was ready, she'd say something. But this time, Olivia gave the girl a soft squeeze and asked "What was the dream about sweetie?"

Jazlyn continued to lie against Olivia. She wanted to say something so bad but how would she phrase it? The little girl's mind raced and a fresh batch of tears began to fall. Olivia pulled her back into her lap and all Jazzy could do was burry her face in the woman's neck and continue to cry.

"Shhh Jazz it's okay I promise. What was the dream about? Boogie man, something under your bed, maybe the closet door being open scared you? I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong. We can put the nightlight in the room with you and Calvin if you want. Is that it? Is the dark scaring you?"

Jazlyn shot her head up from where it was resting to look Olivia in the eyes. "Please Liv; I haven't been afraid of the dark since I was three."

"So if it's not the dark then what's making you so scared?"

The young girl relaxed back into the warmth of Olivia. "Do you…" Jazz struggled to find the right words. In the short amount of time that they'd lived in the same house, the girl showed that she was just like Olivia more and more every day.

Olivia squeezed the girl a little tighter and reassured her that it was okay.

"Livia, how old were you when you first had sex?"

The question shocked Olivia. She knew the girl's mouth was far from tamed but what had just come out wasn't expected. In her eyes, the girl was still a baby and sex should have been the farthest thing from her mind.

"Ummm…I was much older then you are. MUCH older." She looked down at the girl in her arms and softened her body. She exhaled a breath she didn't know she was holding and unwrapped one arm from around the girl. With her index finger, Olivia softly lifted the girl's chin she that they were now looking at each other face to face.

"I didn't have an overly protective father like you do to scare off all of my potential boyfriends. My mother was not a nice woman and so to get back at her for something she did to me, I fell in love with someone way older than me and he was my first. But like I said, we were in love and I thought I'd be with him for forever." She kissed Jazzy's forehead. "Why? I know those little boogers on the football team are probably all dying to be your boyfriend" Olivia chuckled.

"Ewwww no! They're all weird and I ain't into all them like that. I mean don't get me wrong, smacking butts and dropping Gatorade is cool when we on the field buuuuuttttt I rather have a boyfriend that _can't _shove a whole slice of pizza in his mouth." Jazz smiled softly and Olivia began to tickle the girl in her arms trying to lighten the mood.

"Liv…..Liv…..oh god I can't breathe….Livia you're killing me woman" Jazlyn laughed as she tried to push the woman's hands off her. Soon she found herself face down on the couch squirming to get out from under Olivia's wiggling fingers. It wasn't soon after that Olivia's movements came to a halt.

"Jazlyn Marie, what happened to your legs?" Olivia's voice was stern with a hint of fear.

Jazzy turned onto her back; a small smile still remained on her lips as she tried to play off what Olivia had just seen. "It's nothing. Some of the guys were being rough at practice and my shorts must have rubbed against my skin." The girl was lying and she knew that Olivia could see through the words she just spoke.

Olivia stood up from the couch in one swift move. The look on her face was a mixture of shock sadness. She might have been out of work for months but she knew that the two hand prints on the child's legs were not from some ruthless boys at practice. No, someone had hurt the girl she'd come to love as her own and it was taking everything in her to not cry.

While Olivia was trying her best, tears were beginning to well up in her eyes and when she spoke; her voice was shaky to say the least. "Who…who did this to you Jazlyn?" The young girl stayed quiet.

"Did someone at school do this to you?"

"N…no." She was getting scared now. This is not how she wanted anyone to find out about this. In fact, she didn't want anyone to know at all.

Olivia closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. "Was it Ca….Calvin?" the name was barley a whisper and as much as she hated bringing up her son in this context, she knew from cases she'd worked before that it was possible for the person you least expect to be the one causing the pain. She knew the boy would never do such a thing so when the girl shook her head no; the breath she was holding took no time to release itself.

"No. Not him"

"Oh thank god!"

"But, he knows and…." Jazzy looked away from the spot on the ground to Olivia's eyes and then when her own tears began to pronounce themselves, she roamed the room with her eyes.

Olivia moved to crutch in front of the young girl. "And what Jazz?"

"Come on Liv, you never wondered about why C and pops is so damn close all of a sudden. I mean…."

Before she could finish Olivia hoped up again. She walked to the door, the girl hot on her tail. When she stopped to open the office door, she felt Jazzy behind her.

"Stay here!"

With that, she was gone. Jazlyn paced the floor for what seemed like hours to her. She kept wondering if what she did was the right thing. _Maybe I took too long. Yeah, I should have told her sooner. I'm an ass for letting C get himself into this. It's all my fault. Damn Jazlyn, why you gotta be so stupid for? _ Her thoughts were quickly interrupted by the door opening behind her. When she turned, her eyes landed on the boy she'd come to call her brother.

Calvin turned and looked at Olivia. Sleep still evident on his face.

"What's going on?"

"C, I told her" Jazlyn took a step towards the boy and he took one step back causing him to bump into Olivia.

Calvin was startled at the warm body behind him. He jumped so hard and high that he almost jumped out his skin. Olivia rested her hand on the boys shoulder to calm him.

"Cal, its okay sweetie. I know what Trevor…" Olivia began to get choked up. She opened her mouth to speak again but she couldn't. Tears started spilling from her eyes and a sob escaped her lips.

Jazlyn stepped forward again. "Listen C, I hadda tell her. She's like a mom to me and she IS your mom. She cares and…." She turned her body around. Crying what NOT her thing. She hardly ever did it and right now, she was a bit embarrassed.

"I love you Calvin. Jazzy loves you too but what Trevor does to you and Jazlyn is NOT love. He's hurting you and your sister and that's not okay and I promise you, it stops right now. I'm going to protect you." Olivia looked over at the girl whose body was shaking with tears. "I'm going to protect the both of you. I promise."

Calvin, who was still standing there staring blankly, finally looked up at Olivia. His eyes were wet with tears and his voice was low and weak. "Mom, I'm so sorry" his body melted into Olivia's as uncontrollable sobs wracked his body. They stayed together for a couple minutes before Olivia extended her arm, inviting Jazlyn to join in the hug.

"Oh, my babies. You two have nothing to be sorry for. I should be sorry that I didn't see this. I'm sorry that I've been in my own little world and I didn't see what was right in front of me. I'm going to make things better. I'll fix are family like new. Just us three. That's all we need." After the tears had subsided and the yawns began, she ushered the kids back to their room.

Calvin and Jazlyn sat on their beds and Olivia made sure they were both still awake before she went over and took out an outfit for both of them. When she found all that she was looking for, she put the clothes on the end of the beds, told them to get dressed, pack their backpacks with as much clothes they could and wait until she came and got them. She walked towards the door. Before she left, she turned to lock on the door and then walked out.

When Olivia returned to her room, the sight of them man lying under the sheets on her bed made her sick to her stomach. She pulled on a pair of jeans and her NYPD hoodie. She was about to pull on her riding boots but decided against it. Instead she slipped on her sneakers. She pocketed the keys to the kid's room and to the house. Walking over to the closet, she took out her big gym bag and through some clothes inside along with some other things she'd need. She sent out a text to the one person she knew she could trust and then she turned to her bedside table. She unlocked it and retrieved her badge and gun. She emptied the bullets into her hand except for one. She deposited the rest into the front pocket of her sweatshirt.

Trevor felt something cold on his head. He smiled and chuckled. "Liv baby, I see you can't get enough of me and those handcuffs." He rolled over onto him back and opened his eyes. Staring back at him was a side of Olivia he'd never seen before.

"Shut up!"

Trevor was quick to throw his hands up in defeat. You could almost see his heart racing through his chest. "Oh shit! What the fuck is wrong with you, you crazy bitch!" His voice had a hint of fear laced in it.

Olivia smiled her signature grin. "You know, tonight when you had your way with me, I thought it was because you were angry at me so I let you be rough. Silly me though because that's your M.O isn't it? Except, you like it better when you're doing it with a _kid_!" Olivia smacked the man with her gun.

Trevor touched his hand to the corner of his mouth. He looked up at the woman standing above him. Things were finally registering. "Olivia, why don't you put the gun down and let's talk about this. I don't know what you've heard but its all lies." Trevor moved to sit up but was stopped before he could.

"Maybe you don't see me standing here with a gun in my hands. Lay the fuck back down!" Olivia was shocked at her own words. She'd never cursed so much or been so hostile before but the circumstances were different. She was a mother scorned and she'd be damned if she allowed Trevor to get away with what he'd done.

"Ok, calm down you crazy bitch. Can I at least put on some fucking pants or something?"

Olivia cocked her head to the side and looked the man in the eyes. She pointed the gun down towards Trevor's crotch. "You can put on every pair of pants you own but nothing will soften the blow that you lower region is about to take." She walked over to the dresser and retrieved a pair of jeans and a t-shirt for Trevor.

"Get up. Get dressed and then sit you're pitiful ass back down!" She threw his clothes at him and stood in the corner of the room.

Trevor did as he was told but on his way back to his sitting position on his side of the bed, he thought that he'd get away with slipping his cell phone down onto the bed next to him from the table.

BANG!

As much as Olivia hated to shoot that bullet and scare her kids, she knew that the hardheaded man sitting on the bed wasn't going to get the point until it was made clear.

Both Olivia and Trevor looked at the spot where the bullet now rested. Their eyes met except while Trevor's possessed fear, Olivia's had anger.

Trevor was surprised when he looked down at his hand and instead of blood; he saw shards of wood from the side table. "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU PHSYCO BITCH?" He stood and walked towards Olivia.

"Stop screaming, my kid's are in their room and they can hear you."

"You just shot a fucking bullet into the night table and you're worried about MY daughter and YOUR son hearing me curse! You're such a dumb bitch. I should have listened to my sister when she told me that you were nothing but trouble. Now look at me, I've got the number one crazy standing in my room threatening my life." He chuckled bitterly.

"You finished?" While the question was rhetorical, Trevor spoke anyway.

"No, you know what, I'm not! Why the hell are you doing this? Oh wait, I know, because you're fucking CRAZY!"

Olivia rolled her eyes and stuck her gun into the back of her pants. She decided to handle this differently. "Jazlyn's been having bad dreams. Did you know that?" She was still standing in the corner where her body barely visible. Her voice was low and calm.

"No, I didn't." Trevor cleared his throat.

"Is that so? Well, let me tell you why." To someone looking in, you would think that this was a interrogation being held at the station. "She says someone's been hurting her." Olivia's voice was still low and calm.

The reaction that came across Trevor's face was not one of an angry father but one of a deer caught in the headlights. _BINGO!_

"Seriously, someone's hurting my Jazzy?" He tried his best to sound shocked. Olivia wasn't buying it.

"Yeah, she had come to me tonight after she'd had a bad dream and I saw these horrendous bruises almost in the shape of a hand on her body and well it wasn't hard to put two and two together."

"Wow, I'm surprised I didn't know about this. Was it someone on the football team?" He looked up at the darkness that engulfed Olivia in her corner.

"Nope. That's what I thought too. You know boys will be boys and she's basically one of them when she's out there but she was quick to rule that out."

Trevor nodded his head. "Okay, so maybe it was a teacher or something."

"Nuh uh. Guess again." Olivia reached for her gun and loaded another bullet into it. "This time I advise you to think _long_ and _hard_ before you open your mouth again." She crossed her arms and dared the man to speak again.

Trevor acted as though he had just come to a realization. His face was coated with surprise. "Sh…she…did she say I hurt her?" He stood up and placed his hands on his head.

_Lovely, now he wants to play dumb. He might actually have me fooled had I not dealt with rapist and child molesters every day. I mean I know I haven't worked in months but do I really have stupid written across my face? Okay Liv, calm down. You've already shot one bullet and missed. While that was on purpose, next time you're going to most defiantly kill him and we want that but we don't._

She inhaled a deep and what should have been a calming breath but when she exhaled, she was sure she could feel fire coming out her nose.

"She said that you've been molesting her." Olivia stepped out of the darkness and into the light shinning in the room from outside. She was now looking him trying to make some sort of eye contact but his never left the floor.

Trevor stood. If he was going to try and get away with it, he had to act as though he'd done nothing wrong.

"She's lying! I would never touch her. Did she really tell you that I molested her?" He began to walk out the door. Olivia didn't bother to follow him. She knew he was going to the kid's room. Once he couldn't get in, he'd come back and look for the key.

"OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW JAZLYN!" Trevor continued to pound and kick on the door but it wouldn't budge and from the silence between the noise, the lock was never turned.

Trevor marched back into the bedroom and over to where the key usually sat. When he didn't see it, he turned towards Olivia and spoke.

"You…you bitch! Did you get her to lie? Did you tell her what to say? This was your idea wasn't it? I never laid a finger on Jazlyn or Calvin!" he took in a sharp breath. _He slipped._

"Calvin? I never said a word about Calvin." She smiled a bit. _Game over._

He began to fidget. _Oh shit! _"Yeah well you know, wherever she is, he is too. So if she's lying about thi…."

"Stop!" She raised her gun again and pointed it towards his head. "Stop lying!"

"Liv, I'm not lying. Maybe it's something they have against us. You know, they were both adopted. Or maybe Jazzy is jealous because I've been spending so much time with Calvin lately so she's trying to get back at me. Either way, it's all a lie!" He was out of breath and his heart racing.

"Save it Trevor." In the exact moment she finished her sentence, someone rang the doorbell.

Olivia walked down the steps, Trevor hot on her heals. When they both finally reached the bottom of the steps, he tried to stop her from going to the door. He yanked her arm so hard that the gun went flying out of her hand and slid under the couch. She raised her hand to slap him but he blocked it. He punched her in her face and she was sure she'd heard something break. When she bent over in pain, he walked over to the door, unlocked and opened it.

"Trevor." The man standing at the door was accompanied by two other men standing tall behind him.

"Captain." He looked past the man and nodded. "Detective. Officer. What can I do for you?"

"Where are Olivia and the kids?"

"Oh, Olivia is right here." He pointed randomly to somewhere behind the door. "And the kids are upstairs sleeping. Why? Is there something wrong? You know Olivia hasn't been feeling herself lately and…."

Cragen stepped forward trying to push past the tall man standing in his way but had no luck. "Olivia texted saying that she needed help. So, until I see that she is fine, we're _NOT _leaving!" Again, Cragen tried to push past Trevor and he succeeded with the help of Fin and a uniform cop.

Olivia went into this situation with a good plan. She'd texted Cragen telling him that she was in trouble and she knew that it would take him no time to show up. She would tell him what the situation was and have Trevor arrested. She would take her kids and leave, never to return. But now, now she wanted nothing more than to shoot the man dead. her mind was racing so when she felt a hand on her shoulder, the thought that it could be anyone other than Trevor never crossed her mind. She grabbed the wrist of the hand Fin had extended and whipped her head around. Realization coated her face and apologies started.

"It's fine babygirl. You okay?"

"Yeah, sorry."

Don stepped forward. "Liv, you sure you're okay? When you texted me it didn't sound like a 'everything's fine' kind of text."

Trevor abandoned his position standing in the entrance to the living room and walked over to Olivia.

"Look guys, it's like I said before, Olivia hasn't been well as you know and we got into a little fight but everything is okay now." He looked at the woman standing to his right. "Tell them sweetie. Tell them that everything is fine." He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and gave her a tight squeeze.

Olivia looked at the older man standing in front of her. She knew what the right thing to do was. She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. She napped her lips shut and pain surged though her face. Her hand flew to the spot below her eye where she knew there had to be a horrible bruise forming.

"Liv, what happened to your…."

"It's nothing. Look guys, I'm sorry to have woken you all for some fight about leaving the toilet seat up." She chuckled hoping that the men were convinced enough to leave but also caught the hint that something was up.

"Listen guys, its late and the kid's are sleeping and I'm pretty tired too so you should probably go." She started towards the door with the men coming up behind her. When she turned to open the door, she saw Trevor in the living room looking under the couch and other pieces of furniture for what she could only guess was the gun.

Fin turned to face the woman once he was out the door. "Listen Liv, if you need _ANYTHING, _give me a call. I'm going to circle around for a couple minutes, alright." His words were close to a whisper.

She smiled and nodded her head. "Thanks Fin."

The man turned back around and she watched the uniform officer take the lead towards the elevator. When she heard the chime of the door closing to the elevator, she closed the door and looked into the living room and at the man on his knees still searching.

"Looking for this?" She grabbed the gun from the back of her pants and waved it in the air. His head popped up and he was standing straight in seconds.

When this all started, Olivia was running on pure adrenaline and now that it was all wearing off, the reality of the situation was weighing heavy. _Come on Liv, you can do this. You can do this the right way. They LEGAL way. Those kids up there need you and if you do anything that might get you time in jail, you'll not only be taking away one parent but two. You are strong. Just pick up your phone and call Fin. Tell him you need him to come back and you know he will. Arrest the bastard and let him rot in jail like every corrupt person should._

"Olivia, I see you wanna play but now is not the time." He began to slowly walk towards her. "Why don't you give me the gun and we can forget about all this." His hands were out ready to receive the weapon but she didn't budge.

"So that's what this is to you, a game. You touching your _daughter _and my _son _is a game for you. Oh, okay." Olivia reached into her pocket and retrieved the rest of the bullets. She quickly loaded them into the gun and pointed it at Trevor.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Olivia walked over the body lying on the wood floor. Gurgling sounds filled the quiet apartment and the smell of copper from the blood flowed through the air.

This time she had shot and _didn't _miss. It would be only minutes before the neighbors called the cops. She knew that Fin was somewhere out there and he'd be making his way back up that elevator in no time. This wasn't the original plan but she'd call it her backup plan. She knew that the only way she would get away with it is if she claimed self defense. That wouldn't be too hard seeing as though her eye was darker than the night sky. Let us not forget that the reason this night is ending like this is because of what he'd done. He had molested her kids and she was just a mama bear protecting her cubs.

The sounds coming from Trevor were beginning to die right along with him and she bent down by his head and what should have been a moment in which she said good bye to the man she once loved, she instead moved her head so that her mouth was so close to his ear that she could feel the hairs tickling her lips. Her voice barley audible to anyone else but she made sure the man heard her.

"Game over!"

A/N: Trevor/Olivia shippers, don't kill me please.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Sorry for the delay. Here's a filler chapter I guess you could say

* * *

Olivia stood in the middle of the kitchen. Her house was a sea of blue. Cops and medical examiners flowed in and out of the room and the apartment. She wanted nothing more than to go into the bedroom with her kids and wrap her arms around them and never let them go. She felt the warmth of a body standing next to her and it broke her out of her daze.

"Olivia, we've gotta take you downtown" Fin's voice was low as if what he'd just said was a secret.

She looked at him as if his head had grown 10x its actual size. The only thing that was going through her mind was her kids. She knew that Fin was doing what he was supposed to but right now, Olivia Benson the detective was out the door and Olivia Benson the mother was present and wanted nothing more than to go upstairs and take her babies into her arms and pray that this was all just some horrible nightmare.

"Liv?" Fin called her but she was still in a trance. "Olivia!" Her eyes snapped back up to look at the man in front of her. Fin placed his hand on her shoulder "Liv, why don't you get the kids and meet us down at the station."

Slowly she nodded her head and turned towards the stairs. Her mind was swooning. Melinda was wheeling Trevor's body out to the M.E's van and in passing gave Olivia a sort of confused look. She's have to get used to that because until she told them what the real story was, no one would understand why the perfect couple ended up…not so perfect.

* * *

She took the steps two at a time. Once she reached the top, she took out her cell phone and opened up a new text message. _I need you. Meet me at the station ASAP _read the text. She pressed send and didn't bother waiting for a reply.

Standing outside the door marked C&J, she breathed out a breath she wasn't aware she was holding. A tear slipped from her eye and onto her sweatshirt. _Olivia, put your thinking cap on and get your shit together because you've got two kids in there who need to see you strong. _She tried her best to fix her disheveled appearance. With one more deep inhale and exhale, she reached into her pocket and retrieved the key. Once it was unlocked she placed her other hand on the door knob and turned it slowly.

* * *

Much to Olivia's surprise, when she opened the door, her kids were nowhere in sight. She panicked. _Did they leave the room? Could they have seen me shoot Trevor? _She didn't have time to let her mind wander on what could have happened. She had to focus on the here and now and find her kids. _Well, if you were a scared kid, where would you hide? _Her question prompted her to look in the first and only place she used to hide when she was younger, the closet. She walked over to the double doors and pulled them open. She heard gasping and if asked, she wouldn't be able to tell whether it was her or them who made the noise.

Sitting on the floor of the closet, Calvin and Jazlyn shook and tried to hide behind some toys that were placed in there in a hurry when asked to clean their room. Olivia dropped down to her knees and shoved every and anything that was in the way of her getting to the kids.

Once they realized who it was, Olivia's arms were nowhere big enough for the two bodies that crashed into her. A mixture of tears and sighs of relief echoed through the small space.

"Mommy!"

The name caught Olivia off guard. She was used to being called mom but she was told by her kids that "mommy" was for babies and they were too old for that. But now, in this moment, they _were_ her babies and they needed their mommy.

She sat against the wall and held the two whimpering kids close. "I'm here guys." She rubbed their backs and kissed their foreheads. "Mommy's here"

Jazz was the first one to sit straight. Her eyes were red and puffy, a dead giveaway that she was crying but if asked, she'd deny it. She reached above her and pulled off her neon orange headphones. Calvin followed suit. When everyone had regained their composure, Olivia smiled.

"Mom, what's going on?" Calvin was sitting next to Olivia and his head leaned on her shoulder while Jazlyn's did the same on the other side.

_Deep breath Olivia. You can do this. You've gotta tell them sometime. _"Well, good news is that Trevor won't be hurting you guys anymore." Much to her surprise, there was no reaction so she continued. _Liv, you got this. Just spit it out for goodness sakes. _"And….Trevor and I…we got into a fight and well I had to protect my family and…." She trailed off trying to avoid the inevitable. _Just say it!_

"Is my pops dead?" Jazlyn's eyes looked up at Olivia with mixed emotions.

The words cut Olivia with unexpected force. Through this whole ordeal, she seemed to have forgotten that yes, Trevor had done the unthinkable but he was still this little girl's father in her eyes. She'd seen it plenty of times when she was at work. Kids sometimes felt that the abuse, whatever form it was, was a form of love.

Pulling both children closer, she opened her mouth to speak but what she was about to say forced reality to set in. "Yes Jazzy, your father did not make it. He's dead." She tilted her head back and let out a sob. She was prepared for some sort of outburst but all she felt were the chubby fingers of the little girl wiping away her tears.

"It's okay Liv. I know my pops was a sick jerk and ain't mad he's dead. I just wish he couldda been normal and we all couldda been happy togetha." The little girl sat up and placed a kiss on Olivia's cheek.

Had she known that the girl was going to take it so surprisingly well, she would have just came out and said it. She smiled a little but then frowned when she realized that she hadn't heard much from her son.

"Cal, you okay?" The question was stupid she realized after she asked it. _No he's not okay you dummy. You just killed the only man in his life that he thought he could love and trust. _

"This is all my fault. I should have told you what he was doing but he said he would hurt you if me or Jaz said anything. I'm so sorry mommy." Sobs shook the boy's body and momentarily, Olivia pulled him into her lap and smothered him with kisses and comforting words.

"I know this is going to be hard on you two and I promise that no matter what happens, I will always be here for you. If ever you need me for anything, just let me know. What Trevor did to you guys was not now nor will it ever be okay. I know that it must have been confusing for you guys because I always tell you that if someone is hurting you, you can always go to an adult for help but in this case, it was a grown-up who was doing bad things to you. Just know that you guys are perfect and I love you more than anything."

They sat there for a couple more minutes until Olivia felt her butt going numb. "Guy's, we have to go down to the precinct for a little while so why don't you grab your backpacks and your game thingy." She chuckled and watched as the two kids stood and went to their beds.

"Mom, its called a DSi duuuhhhh." Both kids said almost in unison.

"Yeah yeah, you know what I mean." Olivia sat there for an extra minute and thought about all that was too come. Before she knew it, she was broken out of her daydream.

"Mom, we're ready."

When Olivia looked up, both kids were standing in front of her.

"Okay, let's go."

* * *

hours had pasted since they arrived at the police station. Olivia gave her statement first. She wrote it once when she first got there and then she stated it so that it could be recorded and then she rewrote it before Munch told her she was done.

Olivia stood in the middle of the floor at the precinct. She stared blankly at the captain's door where inside, he met with quite a few lawyers and IAB. Her mind continued to revert back to the scene at the house. Within minutes of her shooting Trevor, Fin and the rookie cop who was with him were at her door. Her thoughts were disturbed when she felt a hand on her shoulder. When she turned around to see who it was, a small smile coated her face.

"Hey there beautiful." The man smiled back at her and for a moment, it felt like old times.

She went to greet the man but nothing came out but tears. She allowed him to pull her into the warmth of his arms and without giving a damn who saw, she let herself cry.

Once she regained her composure, Olivia pulled back and wiped her face. She steadied herself and looked up at the man standing in front of her. With a small smile on her face, she spoke.

"Hey El."


	12. Chapter 12

1 month later

Olivia picked herself up from where she sat hugging the toilet. She could hear her phone ringing but where it was exactly, she didn't know. Walking into her bedroom, she went over to the side table where she usually left her cell only for it to not be there. As Adele's Rolling In The Deep grew closer and closer, her search for the phone became more frantic. Finally her fingers felt the coolness of the screen of her iPhone. She pressed the green square on the phone just in time.

"Hello?" She brushed a few strands of hair out of her face.

"Detective Olivia Benson." The gentleman's voice on the other line was deep. He paused because what he'd just said wasn't a question but he still wanted to make sure he had the right person before he spoke.

Olivia knew exactly who it was on the phone before he could even finish saying her name. "Yes?" without any realization, she clenched her butt cheeks together, squeezed her free hand into a fist and locked her jaw. All this nervousness was from her pending case. She confessed that she shot Trevor and it was in self-defense.

"You're cleared." Before Olivia could say anything, there was a click of the other phone hanging up and then her phone beeped signaling that the call had ended.

Even though she'd been on leave from the job for quite some time now, knowing that when she was ready to go back, she could was a great feeling. A smile was clear and bright as day on her face. Olivia quickly shook herself out of her thoughts. She pulled on her sweater and grabbed her car keys and was out the door in no time.

* * *

Jazlyn was in class sitting at a table alone during free time. She was used to it. Not knowing where she fit in was hard. Even in elementary school they had "cliques." There were the girly girls whose moms were the headliners on the PTA and were rich and spoiled. Then there were the boys who were…just boys. There were also the geeks and freaks. Jazz wasn't any of the above. She was a mix between a tomboy, book nerd, girly girl when she wanted to be but her school yard playtime digging up worms and threating to eat them could consider her a freak too. All in all, Jazzy was just…..Jazlyn.

"My mom said that she's the devils spawn." The red headed girl sitting at the table just behind Jazz spoke loud enough so that she was sure she was heard by everyone sitting around her. Her eyes slowly directed everyone to Jazlyn. She, Christina , was the leader of the group. It wasn't unusual that she was talking about someone. She got off on the power and making the other kids cry. She was the mean varsity cheerleader before she even got to high school. Today victim was Jazz.

"What does that mean?" Asked one of her "groupies."

The red head smiled and leaned into the table as if she were telling the girls a secret. "It means she's damaged good. At least that's what my dad said. He said to stay away from her cause hurt people can only hurt others." The girl smiled. She knew what she was doing. Her voice was loud enough so that the lonely girl sitting at the other table was sure to hear her.

"My parents said that her father liked having sex with little kids."

A round of ewww's was heard and if you looked closely, you would see the tears threatening to run over the brim of Jazzy's eyes.

Try as she mite, Jazlyn couldn't take it anymore. Just in the nick of time, the bell ran signaling that it was the end of the day. She slammed her book close and put it back on the shelf. As she walked by the table of girls, the look on her face was the exact same one you would see on Olivia's face when she alerting someone that they were pushing it.

The girls at the table looked as though they'd just seen a ghost. Then Christina laughed what was supposed to be her I'm not scared of you laugh but it came out sounding as nervous as she looked.

"Don't start nothin an there won't be nothin." Jazlyn stood only a few inches away from Christina's face. "Got it?" There was a smirk plastered on her face. Satisfied, she began walking over to the cubbies.

While the brunette shrugged on her backpack, the red head and the other girls stood and walked towards the door. Their teacher always made them line up single file at dismissal time. Jazzy was adjusting her bag when she was pushed into the cubby.

"No one's scared of you"

When Jazlyn stood again, the line was moving. She shed herself of her backpack and grabbed Christina out of the moving crowd.

"Why'd you do that for?" The brunette was fuming. Olivia was in the mixed of teaching her that not everyone needed to be "handled" as she called it.

"Ugh….whatever."

Giggles were heard from the girls standing behind. For a pack of ten year olds, they had some attitude. Christina laughed and turned again to walk out the door. In the process, her hair flipped and smacked Jazz right in the face. That right there was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Jazlyn grabbed Christina's arm and with as much force as her body could muster up, she swung her hand and it collided with the other girls face.

"Yeah, my dad was a perv, I'll admit it. But if I ever hear you talkin bout him, me or anyone else in my family again, I will make it my personal duty to make every day from here till the day. you. die a living hell."

Looking at the other girls, she stepped forward and they all jumped back. A satisfied smile washed across Jazz's face. She knew she'd catch hell for this but at the moment, she didn't care.

* * *

Olivia had just pulled up outside of the kid's school when she heard the bell ring. She still had a smile plastered on her face from the news she'd received before she left. While she sat at a stop light, she texted Elliot about the call and he was happy as well. She got out of the car and went to stand on the other side.

"Mom!"

Olivia's smile grew even more when she saw her son running her way.

"Hey, buddy." She ruffled his hair and then bent down to kiss his cheek.

Calvin tried his best to push his mother away before her lips touched him. He wiggled and squirmed but no luck. "Ewww MOM! "

"What?" She knew what and her laugh gave it all away.

"Come on mom. That's more embarrassing than when Tommy Miller pants' me in front of the whole lunch room." He was still wiping at his cheek only stopping to look around and check if anyone had just seen the violation his mother had just committed against his adolescents.

Olivia Chuckled. "Aye! Who taught you how to be so dramatic!" She leaned up against the car and waited for her other child to come out of the school.

"I wonder what's taking your sister so long." Olivia was thinking out loud. She'd seen Mrs. Alexander's class come out already but still no Jazlyn.

* * *

"Girls come on…."

Everyone's head shot up.

"What in the world is going on in here!"

"Shh….she tri….tried to..to…to kill me!" Christina was pointing towards Jazlyn.

"Oh please! I barely touched the girl!"

"HUSH!" Mrs. Alexander stood between the girls and tried her best to assess the situation.

"Now, one at a time, tell me what happened."

"She…"

"They…"

"I said ONE at a time. Chrissy, you go first."

"Pssht…sure you let her go first" Jazz rolled her eyes and folded her arms across her chest.

"Quiet!"

"Well Mrs. A, we were sitting at the table and out of nowhere Jazlyn came up to use and said that she was going to hurt me once everyone leaves. I didn't think she would really do it but when we were lining up for dismissal, I hit her by accident and then she went crazy and slapped me." Christina somehow managed to force a tear to roll down her cheek all the while forcing back a smile.

"Oh my god! You are such a LIAR!"

"Am NOT!"

"Oh please! I've pulled shit out my ass move believable than that….."

"ENOUGH!"

Everyone was startled by the loud voice.

"Now, did you hit her Jazlyn?"

"Yes but…."

"No buts. You know the rules and we've gone through this before. As long as you're in my class you will keep your hands to yourself unless you are participating in an activity that requires physical contact."

"Oh come on Mrs. A! I ain't do nothing she ain't deserve. She was talkin bout my…."

"There is no excuse for violence."

"But…"

"Stop!" The teachers voice was sharp and left no room for rebuttal. She turned to face the red headed girl and placed her hand under her chin. "Now, are you okay?" She bent over and examined the young girls face where there was a faint red mark beginning to form.

"Yes, I'm just so sorry that Jazlyn thought we were talking about her." The girls voice was so full of fake that even Mrs. Alexander didn't buy it.

"Sweetheart, save it. I spoke to your mother while I was outside. I overheard you and your friends talking about Jazlyn's father and I'll tell you right now, that too will not be allowed in my class room." She dropped her hand and stood straight again.

"I'm sorry Mrs…."

The older lady held up her hand "Save it Christina."

The redhead exhaled a frustrated sigh and her smirk was now a frown.

"You can huff and puff about it all you want young lady but that's not going to change what you did. And you also lied to me about it and you know I do not tolerate lying at all." The teacher quickly smoothed the invisible wrinkles in her skirt and then took both girls hands into hers and walked out.

* * *

"WHAT were you thinking slapping someone?"

"But Liv, she was talkin bout dad and in my defense, she started it. I told her not to mess with me and then she pushed me I…."

"I know what she said and I also know what I always tell you. It is NOT okay to hit people."

"Yes ma'am"

The puppy dog look on the little girls face nearly caught Olivia off guard. She'd never seen this from the girl. Usually Jazz would have a little fit and then stomp her way to her room and wait for her punishment. This time though, there were tears spilling over and Olivia couldn't help but to succumb to the girl's current emotions.

"Listen, I know since your father died it's been really hard. And this whole me adopting you had us all stressed." Olivia crouched down in front of the girl. "But that doesn't mean that you can go and take your anger and other emotions out on other. If you ever need to talk I'm here or if want to hit something, let me know and we'll figure something out but what you did today was not acceptable. Okay?"

Jazlyn nodded yes and leaned into Olivia for a hug. "Grrr... Sometimes I wish I would have never told you anything that dad did to me." She spoke into the woman's shoulder.

"Wait, what do you mean?" Olivia released her from the hug.

"Nothing. Never mind."

"No, it is something."

"Just forget it Liv."

With that, the girl fully detached herself from Olivia and quickly went to her room.

Olivia contemplated going after her child but decided against it. If she knew anything about this girl, it was that the more you hounded her about something, the more she shut down. She reminded Olivia so much of herself when she was younger.

Within the last month, they'd dealt with a lot and while Olivia did her best to make the transition easier for the kids, the truth is, there was nothing easy about this situation.

Olivia sighed loudly and then went about making dinner. Her phone buzzed and then chimed signaling a new text message.

_Hey, I'm in the city. Okay if I stop by for dinner?_

She thought about it. After this afternoon's events she didn't really feel up to entertaining but then again, there was something to celebrate. With the drama at Jazlyn's school, she'd forgotten all about IAB clearing her for duty earlier.

_Okay. Bring desert. I'm making dinner._

She put down her phone on the counter and went over to the fridge to take out the defrosted meat. She was about to wash her hands when her phone vibrated again.

_Okay, no problem. See you soon!_

Olivia couldn't help but smile. Elliot lived miles away and yet over the past couple weeks you could find him over at her house having dinner and playing video games with the kids. At first it was hard on both her and the kids. But Elliot knew his place and not once did he over step his bounds. He always called or texted before he came over and made sure that her family had nothing short of a good time while in his presence.

Once she was sure everything was cooking, she walked down the hall to the kids bedroom. It was a Friday night and usually she'd let them watch tv from the time they got home from school until bedtime Saturday night if that's what they wanted to do because Sunday through Thursday, the tv was like a foreign object in their house. But Jazzy was clearly on punishment and with his sister not fighting with him over the remote you would think Calvin would have made a b-line to the living room, but instead Olivia was left to wonder what the boy was doing.

**Knock knock**

Olive poked her head in the door to her kid's room.

"Hey guys, Elliot is coming over."

She opened the door all the way only to find the two kids laying in Jazlyn's bed. Tear stains on the young girls face could be seen from where Olivia was standing. Her heart melted. Even though she was sleeping, you could still see the pain in her face.

Calvin looked up at the brown eyes looking at them. He slowly got up from the bed as to not wake his sister. When he reached Olivia across the room he answered her unspoken question.

"She came in here crying and I was going to just leave her alone and go play my video game but I couldn't. And then she fell asleep but she was still crying. I didn't know what to do so I rubbed her back and told her everything was going to be okay like you usually do when I'm having a bad day." There was no doubt that this was Olivia's son. She might not have given birth to him but since she'd adopted him, she saw more and more of herself in him as well.

"It's okay, why don't you go and keep an eye on dinner and watch some tv until Elliot comes. I'll be there in a minute."

Calvin smiled up at his mother and gladly left the room.

Olivia walked over to the sleeping girl. He eyes were twitching. She placed her hand on the girls shoulder and gently shook her until the once closed eyes were now open. Jazlyn got up from where she was laying and wiggled into Olivia's arms. No matter whether she was ten or twenty-five, in her mother's arms is where she felt the safest.

"Oh my baby."

Pressing her lips to top of Jazzy's head, all Olivia could do was cry along with the young girl. She knew this day was going to come. Through everything that had happened, Jazlyn never cried or complained. When Olivia asked her if she wanted to go talk to the child psychologist like Calvin did, she politely refused and said that if she needed to talk, she'd let the woman know. Calvin had already had his breakdown and it lasted him a day or two but after she noticed a change in him. He was happier.

All Olivia wanted was the same thing for her daughter. But she knew it wasn't that easy. It's been a month and she herself hasn't really coped with it. Maybe she needed to practice what she preached and go see someone her own self. Since she became a parent, Olivia realized that what she wanted should never come before what her kids needed. And right now more than ever, her kids needed _her._

"What's the matter baby girl? Talk to me."

Silence filled the room. She knew that try as she might; the young girl wasn't going to budge until she felt like it. Jazlyn and Olivia sat right there slowly rocking back in forth with an occasional whimper escaping into the air until they'd heard the doorbell ring signaling Elliot's arrival.

* * *

"Hey kiddo."

Elliot walked over to the kitchen and placed the pastry box in the refrigerator. When he turned to face the stove, what he saw made his stomach growl. With a smile plastered on his face, he walked back to the living room where Calvin was.

"Where's your mom and Jazz?"

Elliot plopped down on the couch and picked up the PS3 controller.

"In the room. Jazzy got in trouble at school. She socked some girl in the face…"

"WHAT?" Elliot took his attention off the video game and was now staring at the boy.

"Okay, well she didn't really sock her but she defiantly slapped her from here to next week." Calvin chuckled and went back to playing his game. When he realized he was winning without even a fight he paused the game and turned to look at Elliot.

"Dude, what's the point of making me start the game over so you can play only for you to not play?"

Elliot shook out of his daydream and grabbed his remote again.

"Sorry _dude_"

"Yeah yeah. I should have just left you alone cause I'm gonna kick your butt anyway."

"Watch yourself kid, I've been practicing!" Elliot took this time to knock the boy controller out of his hand.

"Hay! No fair."

"Wah? I don't know what you're talking about." Elliot chuckled.

"Oh, it's on you old geezer!"

"I'll show you old."

When Olivia walked into the living room, her smile returned. Every time she saw Elliot playing with the kids she wondered what it would have been like if she would have just told him about the baby. _It's too late now. The baby is gone and you can't take it back. Live in the moment Olivia. Enjoy this time and don't let him slip away again!_

She was broken out of her thoughts when the two males on the couch jumped up.

"Yes! I told you I was going to kick your butt."

Elliot rolled his eyes. "Do over. You clearly cheated. Plus, I let you win."

"Just admit it Elliot, I will always beat you." Calvin cocked his head as if he'd just thought of a brilliant idea. "I should start betting. You know, five here, ten there. I could be rich and never have to go to school again…"

"Yeahhh…I don't think so." Olivia walked into the kitchen and checked on the food then she turned and smiled at them.

"But mommmmmm…" both Elliot and Calvin said at the same time and then fell back into the couch laughing.

"I don't want to hear it. Dinner's ready boys."

Calvin went over to retrieve the plates, napkins, forks and cups something him and his sister did every night. Elliot walked into the kitchen and helped Olivia take the pots to the table. When everything was done, they all sat down and began eating. They were half way through their meal when

"Sss azzy k?"

"Calvin baby, please don't talk with your mouth full."

The boy chewed a few more times and then spoke again. "Sorry about that mom. I meant to say, is Jazzy okay?"

Olivia took her napkin and wiped her sons face.

"Yes, she's just not feeling up to socializing right now. Why don't you finish up so we can see what Elliot brought for desert?"

"Okay."

Elliot looked at the woman sitting across from him. He couldn't help but smile at her. She was becoming such a natural at being a mother but then again, he always knew she would be. His eyes drifted down to her plate. She'd barely touched the food and at the moment, she was shuffling it around. He took his napkin off his lap and wiped his mouth and then stood and took his plate over to the sink. While he was washing his dish, Calvin came up behind him and put his plate in the soapy water.

"Thanks El."

"Yeah yeah." Elliot said with a chuckle.

Olivia took this small distraction as a chance to rake the contents of her plate into the trash. She successfully rid her plate of all the food and walked over and put it in the water. Before Elliot could ask her anything, she was already on the other side cleaning off the table.

When Olivia was done, she walked to the other side of the sink and began drying off the dishes Elliot had already washed. She could feel his eyes on her so she turned to look back at him.

"I've been sick lately and…and I haven't gotten my period yet." Her eyes met his. While waiting for his reply, she began to regret, yet again, telling the man anything. _Nice Olivia._

"Can you say something?" Olivia placed her hand on his cheek. "Please."

Elliot was shocked. This felt like déjà vu. _Come on man. Get yourself together. At least this time she's telling you. Don't fuck this up again!_ Elliot closed his hanging jaw and dropped this dishrag back into the sink. He took the towel out of Olivia's hand and dried his. When he was done he wrapped his hands around her waist and pulled her close.

"Are you…?"

"I don't know. But I didn't want to not tell you. I know you saw me not eating and I didn't want you to think the worse so…"

"Wow."

"Yeah. I'm not going to lie El. There is a chance, if I am pregnant, that this baby is Trevor's." She almost gaged at the thought.

Elliot leaned against the sink mainly to steady himself. "Shhh. If that is the case, I still want to be here for you. I meant what I said when you were at my house. I love you Olivia Benson and I'm not going anywhere."

Tears welled up in Olivia's eyes. She rested her head on Elliot's chest and spoke softly. "This is all happening too fast. I love you too El and I want this. I want an us. But with me trying to adopt Jazzy and everything that's happened with Trevor. Never mind me going back to work soon, I just…how…we…"

"Liv, stop. Relax. Breathe."

She took in a deep breath and then exhaled.

"We both know how things ended up the last time…"

"Yes Liv, I remember but I'm telling you, things will be different this time. I want to be here for you and the kids and this baby.."

"Mom, you're pregnant?"

Calvin's voice shocked both adults and forced them apart. Olivia tried her hardest to wipe away her tears before her son could see.

"You know what baby, I don't know yet. But how would you feel if I was?"

"I don't know. It'd be cool I guess. It would be even cooler if it was a boy so I could have someone else to beat in PS3."

Elliot and Olivia both laughed at the innocence of the child.

"Did you need something buddy?"

"Oh yeah. What'd you bring for desert El?"

Elliot walked over to the fridge and retrieved the box. While Calvin went and sat at the table, Olivia got two desert plates from the cabinet. When she turned around to walk over to the table, Elliot was looking at her. He winked and then went about opening the box.

"YES! Cannoli's!"

"Yeah, I know they're your favorite."

"Thanks El."

"You're welcome buddy. Enjoy."

Elliot placed one of the pastries on the plate for himself and Calvin.

"Hey Cal, you know what, you can eat you desert in the living room tonight if you want."

"Seriously?"

"Yes, but just this one time kiddo."

"Cool! Thanks."

Liv handed him a napkin and watched as he shuffled out to the other room. A smile spread like wildfire across her face. She loved her kids. If you would have told her earlier in life that she'd be a mother of two and possibly have one on the way, she'd laugh, call you crazy and then walk away.

Elliot cleared his throat and broke the woman out of her thoughts. "How about we just take this one day at a time. I'll run out to the store and get a test and we can take it once the kids go to bed." He also wanted to use his time to think. If she really was pregnant, his life was about to change drastically.

"Yeah. Sure. That sounds good. I'll finish up here and go check on Jazzy and you go get the test." She stood and put the pastry box back in the fridge.

"Oh yeah, is she okay? I heard she knocked some girl out in school." He chuckled at the thought.

Olivia smiled. "Yeah, I don't know about all that but she did slap this girl in her class." She stood in front of the muscular man. "I'll tell you more about it when you get back darling." She patted his chest and then turned back to the kitchen.

"Okay."

He walked back out into the living room and grabbed his sweatshirt off the couch.

"You leaving already El?"

"No, just going to get something real quick."

"Oh, ok. Are you coming back before bedtime?"

"Yep. But you might want to keep practicing." He pointed towards the game. "Cause when I come back, I'm going to beat your a…."

"Aye! No cursing in this house! Now go."

Olivia pushed Elliot to the door all the while he was mouthing something to Calvin.

"Yeah, yeah. You say that every time but I'm still undefeated." Calvin stuck out his tongue and then went back to his game.

"Okay, we'll see about that kiddo."

"Go!"

"Okay, okay I'm going. I'll be back in ten…no wait….twenty tops."

"Hurry! And El?

"Yes sweets?"

Olivia gave him the best puppy dog eyes she could muster up. "Do you think you could bring me some chunky monkey too?" she finished with a smile.

Elliot couldn't resist the face she was making. "You didn't touch that fantastic dinner you made but you want ice cream. Yeah, you're preggo." He laughed and then ducked as Olivia swatted at him.

"Just get it. Pleassssseeee."

"Okay fine. Just pull that lip back in before I let you talk me into anything else."

"Thank you!"

She closed the door and locked it. She walked into the living room only to find her son laying on the floor.

"You comfy down there buddy?" Olivia chuckled when she heard a faint 'mmhmm' and took his plate off the coffee table and into the kitchen. When she was sure that everything was cleaned and put away, she retreated down the hall to her kid's room.

**Knock knock**

"Jazzy, you okay baby?"

"Yeah."

Liv moved from where she was standing and over to the bed. "Are you hungry? I made tacos." Olivia brushed the few strands of hair out of Jazzy's face.

"No thanks."

"Okay." The detective poked out her bottom lip in sympathy. "Well, why don't you go hop in the shower and get ready for bed because you've got a long day ahead." When Jazz gave her a quizzical look, Olivia elaborated. "You're doing chores all day tomorrow." Olivia got up and began walking to the door.

"Wah..buh…Livvvvvvv…why?"

"Why? Jazz you slapped a girl today. You're suspended from school for a whole week. If I were you I'd be happy that I'm not asking much of you."

"But c'mon Liv, you gotta be kidding me!"

"No, _you've_ gotta be kidding me for thinking that if you let a couple crocodile tear slip down your face that it would get you out of trouble. I love you Jazzy but in this house, no bad deed goes unpunished."

Jay's face was coated in pure shock. With her chin practically touching the bed, Livia chuckled and walked out the door. She retreated back to the living room where her son's eyes looked as though they'd never left the TV. When she heard the door to her kid's room open and then the door to the bathroom slam, she jumped.

"Jazlyn! Come here now!"

Jazz opened the door and stomped out the bathroom and over to where Liv was standing.

"I understand you're mad, really, I do. But if you think that makes it okay for you to go around slamming doors then you've got another thing coming young lady. Now if I were you I'd go and take a shower and go to bed before I really get mad."

"Whatever."

Jazz turned on her heal and walked back to the bathroom.

"Excuse me?"

Calvin paused the game he was playing and sat up. "Uh oh."

"NOTHING!"

Olivia opened her mouth to say something but decided against it. Shaking her head she turned to her son. "When she comes out, TV off and bath then bed."

"But mommmm El and I were supposed to play…"

"Calv, you know the deal."

"Fine."

"Watch it young man!" Her tone had gone from a soft one to a warning in seconds. "You know how long she takes in the shower anyway, if I were you, I'd get my last minutes in now instead of being mad."

He mumbled a "Yeah, yeah." And then went back to playing his game.

Olivia didn't have the energy to go back and forth with the boy so she just shook her head and walked to her room. _Keep messing around and these kids will surely be the death of you Liv._ She chuckled and went about her business.


	13. Chapter 13

**AN:** I only got one review for the last chapter. That makes me sad. But here's a short something for those of you who are still reading

Later that night, Elliot sat on Olivia's bed as he waited for the woman to come out the bathroom. _If she is pregnant, you can do this. Yes, you've got five other kids but you know you want this El. You've got nothing standing in your way. No Kathy. Nothing. __**Don't **__fuck this up!_

"Hey El, did you get the ice cream?" Liv's voice could barely be heard over the flushing of the toilet and the water from washing her hands. El shook himself out of his thoughts just in time to hear the last two words.

"Yeah, I put it in the freezer. I'll go get it."

While standing in front of the freezer, Elliot found himself lost in a trance yet again. His mind was going 70mhp and he didn't know how to stop it. He walked over to where the spoons were and retrieved one. Somewhere between his travels back upstairs, he ended up sitting at the table. _Elliot what are you doing? You've got five other kids who currently are mad at you because Kathy led them to believe you don't want them anymore. How are you going to fight for them back and be having a kid with Olivia? Plus you have a job and house hours away from here, you're barely making it work as it is._

He shook his head to rid his mind of all the negative thoughts. As soon as he stood, Olivia came walking in. he looked at her face for any clues as to what the test might say but she was blank. He sat back down in the chair and pulled her into his lap.

"I was just coming to see what was taking you so long with the ice cream."

"Sorry, I was just thinking."

Olivia turned in his embrace to face him. "You seem to be doing a lot of that tonight." He gave her a questioning look. "The store is all but 5 minutes away from here and to run in and get ice cream and a pregnancy test and then drive back here should only take thirty minutes tops but you were gone for almost an hour and a half. I was your partner for more than a decade, I know when you get a moment of silence, you tend to go into a trance and think, re-think, and then eventually over think a situation."

He nodded. It was true. If anyone knew him, it was Olivia and she was right. He'd sat at a red light for almost five minutes without even realizing it. And then when he came out the store, he just sat in his car until someone stopped to ask him if he was coming out the spot anytime soon.

"El, if you feel like you can't handle this, it's fine. I rather you tell me now than for us to get half way through this and you chicken out." He opened his mouth but the brunette was quick to hush him. "Please, let me finish." He nodded. "I'm scared too. Between what happened with Trevor and his sister trying to gain full custody of Jazzy and not to mention ACS checks in weekly as if I was the bad guy. If I am pregnant, we'll have to move _again_ because things are tight in her already…"

"Liv, I understand you're worried. Trust me, I do. I'm trying to fight for my kids as well and between work and coming over here almost every other night…"

Olivia jumped up quickly but Elliot was just as fast as he grabbed her waist to pull her back to him. "I didn't mean it like that. I love coming over here and being with you and the kids Liv and you know that. I'm just saying that you're not the only one who's going to have a hard time." She opened her mouth to speak but he spoke over her. "But, I want to do this _with_ you. No matter how hard it gets or what happens, I want to go through it all with you." He wiped away the tears that had fallen down the brunettes face.

Liv gently placed her hands on either side of Elliot's face. She kissed him deeply and when they finally broke apart, oxygen seemed to not have been a necessity because before you knew it, they were back at it. Elliot slipped his arm under Olivia and picked her up. As he carried her to the room, not even a thought was given about the ice cream that was beginning to melt on the table or the pregnancy test that sat on the counter in the bathroom. All that was on their mind was what was about to go down in that bedroom.

* * *

Olivia rolled over on her back panting. They'd just gone what seemed like ten rounds in bed and she was spent. She absent mindedly placed her hand over her abdomen.

"The test!" She sat up and climbed out the bed. She reached for Elliot's shirt and shrugged it on. She was on her way around the bed and to the bathroom when she turned to look at the man still lying in bed. "El, you coming?"

In that moment, Elliot couldn't deny his love for the woman. She stood only clad in his dress shirt with her hair pushed over to the right side of her head. Her lips colored rose from both El and herself licking and biting and sucking on them. Her nipples, a shade darker than he remembered, stood erect in the night's cool air which he could see even through the shirt. With a smile on his face, he shed himself of the sheet that was draped around his lower half and stood up. He slipped on his boxers and allowed the woman to lead the way.

When they reached the bathroom, Elliot put down the lid to the toilet and sat. There was no way he was going to let what happened the last time, happen again. He squeezed Liv's hand reassuringly. She inhaled and said a silent prayer. Looking at the test, her face was blank. Elliot didn't like the way she was just standing there so he went and stood behind her. Peering over her shoulder, he read the test. They both looked up at each other in the mirror over the sink. His face too was blank.

**AN:** haha cliff hanger…kinda lol


	14. Chapter 14

"Negative."

"I don't understand."

"El, it says I'm not pregnant."

"But…"

"But nothing. I was stupid for getting my hopes up in the first place."

Elliot turned her around to face him. "Take another test."

She rolled her eyes and tried to walk away. When she felt El's hands on either side of her arms, she looked down and then back up at his face.

"Let go…"

"Take the other test!"

"No! Now let me go!"

"Liv, why do you think most boxes come with two tests? Sometimes the first one is wrong." He let her go and took the box out of the medicine cabinet behind the mirror. He dropped the contents of the box out onto his hand.

"Sit. Take the test. If it comes out negative again, I won't push it again but please…"

Olivia looked up into the big blue eyes that were begging her to give both him and the test one more chance.

"Okay."

He left the bathroom and went and sat on the bed. A few minutes later the brunette came out and joined him. She reached for her phone and set the timer. This felt so much like déjà vu.

They sat in silence for the remainder of the time but at some point, Olivia slipped her hand into Elliot's. Soon enough, the phone vibrated and chimed. Olivia was quick to dismiss the alarm. She closed her eyes and said a little prayer.

"You ready Liv?"

"Yeah, let's go."

This time Elliot led the way. He was eager to see what the test said. He walked over to the test and then looked up at Olivia through the mirror once again.

"Oh gosh, its negative isn't it. I knew it. Ugh..why did I let you talk me into taking this damn tes…"

"It's positive."

"See, I knew it. God I should have known that it was all in my mind. Maybe I just…Wait what?"

"Liv, its positive!"

"Oh my." She grabbed the sink to steady her wobbly legs.

"You're pregnant Liv!"

"I'm…I'm pregnant. But the other…"

"You never heard someone say 'there's such things as false negatives but not false positives' Liv, don't let some defective test tell you what you already know." He placed his hand on her abdomen. "If it makes you feel any better, why don't you call your doctor tomorrow and make an appointment."

Olivia just stood there. The feeling of Elliot's warm hand on her was all the assurance she needed right now. She picked up the test and walked back into the bedroom. She sat on the bed and just stared at the test.

"I'm pregnant." She wasn't too sure before she took the test but this was confirming what she only had a hunch about.

"Move in with me Olivia."

The brunette's eyes shot up and the white stick dropped from her hands. _Did he just say what I think he said?_ She could feel his eyes on her. _Maybe if I act like I didn't hear him, it'll all go away._ _Who am I kidding? Girl, get it together. Turn and face this man and tell his yes! You know you want to. Hell, you've ALWAYS wanted to. But if this is too much right now, tell him. Don't say yes when you really mean no._

"Liv?"

Now Elliot was kneeling in front of her. He was beginning to get worried. Olivia's face was pale and her hands were as cold as ice.

"Olivia baby, talk to me."

As she broke out of her thoughts, she made eye contact with the man. She opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. She closed her mouth, a tear rolled down her cheek.

"Olivia listen, if you don't want to then that's okay. I know I'm kinda rushing things but I have to admit, I'm excited. I want this. I want us. I want to go out and buy ice cream by the gallons for you. I want to look forward to coming home to you and the kids. Plus, we all need a fresh start. I know you just moved in here and you just got cleared to work again but the way I see it, you'll be on maternity leave in a couple months so why don't you just stay home you know. I mean I know you probably won't go for that but the thing is, I don't want you in any danger. I consider this a second chance and I refuse to fuck it up. I love this baby and those kids down the hall like my own and I love you Olivia. So please, at least think about it." By the time he was finished, he was out of breath. But when the woman still hadn't said anything, he began to worry.

"Li…"

"Okay."

"I should have known you'd say no. I'm so stupid for…..wait, what?"

She smiled. "I said okay."

"Okay."

"But I'm not sitting at home all day. I promise I'll take it easy though because I want this too." She gestured between them. "It's going to be hard you know. I mean I hope you know what you're getting yourself into."

"I do."

"Okay well, I think we should wait. I really rather not take the kids out of school in the middle of the semester. They'll be on summer break in a couple months and we'll move then. And hopefully, by then family court will have a ruling on the custody hearing." Elliot nodded his head. Olivia smiled. This was really happening. Faster than she'd expected it to none the less but she was excited.

"Yeah, okay. That gives me enough time to get everything together and try to get on the right track with my kids and Kathy because even though I'm furious with her, I need to make nice so I can see my kids every once and a while." He stood up and stretched._ God I'm getting old._

They both lay back on the bed and continued to talk about the future. Things were beginning to look up for them. That night as they were sleeping, they both said a silent prayer that things would go as planned.

* * *

1 week later

Olivia was lying on the exam table at the OB/GYN. Her hands were sweaty and she gripping Elliot's like her life depended on it. To say she was nervous would be an understatement.

"Jeez Liv, if you're gripping my hand this tight now, I'm not sure I want to be there when you go into labor." He chuckled.

"Shut it Stabler!"

The doctor looked away from the monitor and smiled at the couple.

"So Olivia, it looks as though you're about six weeks pregnant."

"Are you sure? Because the test at home was negative and.."

"Well why don't you look right here." The Blonde haired woman pointed to what looked like a peanut. "The heartbeat is normal and everything seems to be on track." She taped the keyboard a few more times and then turned back to Olivia. "Do you have any questions?"

Between the tears, Olivia managed to croak out a few words. "Due date?"

"Oh yes! From my calculations, your expected due date is…well look at that, it looks like you're going to have a Labor Day baby, September 5 th. Congratulations!"

"Seriously?"

"Yep." The doctor smiled and grabbed a cloth and wiped the gel off Olivia's stomach.

The brunette looked up and the man standing beside her. Their eyes met and they kissed. The doctor handed them two sonogram pictures and fresh tears poured out of Liv's eyes.

"I'll leave you two alone for a while. Take your time and I look forward to seeing you again." The woman stood to leave. "Stop by the receptionist on your way out and she'll give you your prenatal vitamins." The doctor smiled and then went on her way.

"Thank you." Both Olivia and Elliot said in unison.

They spent the next thirty minutes staring at the two photos. Once they left, Elliot dropped Olivia at home and made sure she had everything she and the kids needed before he went home. With the promise that he'd call her when he got home, he was on his way.

* * *

Elliot pulled up in his driveway just before five o'clock that evening. He noticed a new BMW parked on the street between his house and the neighbors. _Hmmm maybe they've got people over._ He thought nothing of it. The days were getting shorter as the winter quickly approached which is why he didn't someone sitting on the rocking chair on his front porch. He usually went into the house through the side door but some movement caught his eye and in seconds he had is gun drawn.

"Who's there?"

"Dad relax it's just me."

"Maureen?"

"No, god." The blonde girl said sarcastically. "Yes Maureen! I've been waiting for forever!"

Elliot walked over to his daughter to get a better look. "What are you doing here kiddo?" He wrapped his arms around his child and hugged her.

"Hello to you too dad."

"Hey babygirl. Come on, let's go inside."

He fumbled with his keys for a few seconds. In the total amount of time since he'd been living there, he's only gone through the front door about five times. Once inside, he turned on the light that lit up the area where they stood. He told his daughter to make herself at home while he went to turn on the fireplace.

"Wow dad, you've done pretty well for yourself considering what moms told us."

"Yes well I don't want to bad mouth your mother but…"

"Then don't."

Elliot was shocked at the way his daughter had just snapped at him. While it was well deserved, he was still her father and deserved respect.

"So, not that I mind you being here, but why are you here Maureen? And how do you know where I live?"

"I miss you dad. The other kids miss you. I went home for the weekend and mom left the custody papers sitting on the kitchen counter. I got you address from there. I hope you're not mad." The words sounded sincere and to top it all off, tears began pouring out of the young girls eyes.

Elliot walked over to his child and wrapped her in a hug again. "No, I could never be mad. It's been so long since I've seen you and the others." He let go of her but just like old times; they sat with her head resting on his shoulder. "Maureen, I never meant to stay away this long. Your mother never told me about the hearing and so I couldn't even show up to defend myself. I know you're in college now and basically a grown woman so weather we have contact is up to you but I'm really happy you came."

"Dad, as much as I hate you for walking out on us, you need to fight for those kids. They need you."

"I am. It's just going to take some time. There's a lot going on and…"

Maureen sat up. "No, you're not listening. They really need you. Like now dad."

El's face twisted in confusion. He understood that the girl was trying to tell him something but as to what it was, was still unknown to him. "Maur, what are you saying? Is something going on that I should know about?"

Maureen's face was uneasy. What she was about to say was unexpected. "Dad, moms been…"

**AN:** You know how soap operas have cliffhanger Friday's well now so does this story =]


	15. Chapter 15

**AN: **sorry for the long wait. Thank you for all the wonderful reviews as well

"…drugs. Mom's been doing drugs dad." The blonde bowed her head in shame of her mother.

"I'm sorry, come again?" Elliot's face was coated with confusion. "Maur, do you know what you're saying? You're accusing your mother, _your_ mother of doing drugs. This is serious! Please tell me you've got a good reason as to why you are saying…"

"Dad, with all due respect, shut up and let me speak!"

"Okay, I'm gonna let that one slide because we're both a little riled up right now but you will NOT come into this house, my house, and disrespect me. Do I make myself clear?" His face was a shade of red that was not defined in the Crayola box.

"_Your_ house? The house you went a bought when you "ran away from home" so to speak. The house that you probably had no plans on bringing us to. The…" She paused and reminded herself that she came here for a reason.

"Look, I've got a lot to say to you. A lot of built up anger if you will. But right now, that doesn't matter. I love my brothers and sister like my own. I've changed their diapers and fed them and played with them for countless hours. I'd do whatever I had to do to keep them safe but I chose to go away for college because I couldn't deal with mom anymore." Tears were now fresh in her eyes.

"It started out as just drinking when I was a senior in high school. You didn't see it because you were always working but the nights you would come home late or not come home at all, she would down bottles of wine like nothing."

Elliot walked back over to where his daughter sat. He gestured for the blonde to continue. Instead of looking into the girls eyes, he stared straight at her mouth and read her lips focusing on every word that passed through.

"Remember when I broke my wrist and mom told you it was from playing around with Dickie." Elliot nodded absent mindedly while he mentally recalled the phone call he'd gotten from his then wife saying that his oldest daughter was getting fitted for a cast and if he gave a damn, he'd be there. "Yeah well, mom and I had gotten into a fight because I walked in on her with her nose sliding across the dresser in your room and she was practically begging me not to tell you and when I said that I was going to tell, she pushed me and I fell down the stairs." Maureen wiped at a few tears.

El's mouth fell agape. What his daughter was saying didn't make sense. Why would Kathy do something like that?

"You never noticed how different mom was? She used to always ramble on about how you were having an affair with Olivia and that you didn't love us anymore. I love Eli but the only reason why she had him was because she didn't want you to leave her." Maureen stopped talking. She was waiting for her father to say something. Anything .

"I…I never…I just…why didn't you ever say something Maur?"

"I thought you didn't love us anymore. You were never home and when you were, you were in another world."

"That's not true!"

"But it is dad!" The blonde shot up in protest. "Your work, it took a lot out of you and I understand that. But we needed you. We still do. _They_ still need you. When I came home, mom was in the kitchen and she was cooking something but she wouldn't let me look and see what. She's gotten skinny and this new boyfriend she has…"

"Her new what?" El shot up. He didn't know what to do with himself.

"Yeah, his name is Damian but he likes to me called "Blade" and from what Kathleen tells me, he's just about moved in."

Elliot stood at the window. His mind was racing. Everything his daughter was saying to him, he didn't even bother to pay attention to. He'd heard enough. He flipped off the switch that turned off the fireplace and walked over to where his coat hung.

"Dad, where are you going?"

"To get my kids!"

* * *

"Kathy, open this door now!" Elliot's hand was turning red from the force of him banging it against the door. What should have been a two hour dive to Queens was a little more than an hour this time. He turned to see Maureen pulling up.

"She won't open up. Do you have you key?"

"No. The back door is usually open though." Maureen ran around the back and up the few steps, Elliot right behind her. She turned the doorknob and pushed open the white door.

**BOOM!**


	16. Chapter 16

Both Elliot and Maureen went flying off the front porch. Flames blew through the house and out the door. Car alarms were going off and glass could be heard breaking. As the fire popped and crackled, neighbors began flooding out of their houses to investigate what happened.

Through all the commotion, a small voice tried its hardest to be loud. Sirens from fire trucks and police cars could be heard from miles away. Again the small voiced croaked out a few words but no one paid enough attention.

"M…my…sssibliinn…inn…thhh…ouse…" As Maureen went to stand up, a woman she recognized from the neighborhood softly pushed her back down.

"Sweetie, don't move. You could be hurt. Help is on th…"

"People in the house." This time the words were clearer and louder.

"I know hun but and we're going to help them but right now I need you to lay still." As Maureen continued to fight with the older lady, Elliot began slipping away.

_Do you Elliot Christian Stabler take Olivia Marie Benson as your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, through sickness and in health…"_

_As the minister continued speaking Elliot couldn't help but whisper an 'I love you' to his soon to be wife. She looked beautiful in her wedding dress. He still couldn't believe that this day had come. After he said "I do" it was Olivia's turn. He shifted his weight to the other foot and caught a glance of his two girls standing behind Olivia. In their dresses, his little girls looked more like grown women. And standing behind him, his eldest son stood as tall as the eye could see and more handsome than ever._

"_I do."_

_Olivia's voice sounded angelic to him. The minister spoke again and Liv's smile grew as he gave permission for Elliot to kiss his bride. He was broken out of his thoughts when he heard Olivia calling his name._

"_El…Elliot.."_

"_Hmmm…"_

"_You gonna kiss me or what?" She gave him a wink._

_He opened his mouth to say something but he began coughing. He tried his hardest to stop but he couldn't. It wasn't until he heard Olivia scream that he noticed blood on her white dress. Looking down at his hands, he noticed it was coming from him. Panic set in and that caused more blood to come out. Soon enough it was pouring out of him and everything and everyone had disappeared. He could hear Olivia's voice telling him to stay with her but slowly, he was slipping away._

"**CLEAR**!"

"Okay need to bag him NOW!"

"Get and OR ready tell them that we've got a male with a punctured lung and head trauma."

"We need blood. O negative. A LOT!"

The team of doctors and nurses began rushing Elliot out of the room on the stretcher. Olivia stood at the nurses' station. She could see the commotion from the corner of her eye but she paid no attention to it. That was until the nurse pointed in its direction when Olivia asked for Elliot's room. She began jogging down the hall towards the OR. When she got to the big double doors a short nurse stepped in front of her.

"Excuse me ma'am, you can't come back here. You've gotta go wait in the waiting room with the others."

"I'm his girlfriend and also a Detective." Olivia looked down at the woman she recognized her from the countless times she came to the ER to see a victim and also because she was a friend of Kathy's. With a glace through the windows, Olivia once again looked at the nurse. "Please Jackie, you know me. I just want…what if he doesn't make it." The words got caught up in her throat. In this moment, she'd say anything just to get back there and see her man.

"I'm sorry detective but you can't." The nurse softened. " Olivia, I'll let you know wh..."

Before the nurse could finish her sentence, Olivia was tripping over her and making her way through the double doors. She followed the trail of blood that led to operating room three. She stood in the scrub room where she could see it all. The man she loved lay on the cold table while a sea of blue scrubs worked their best to try and save him.

_I wonder if this is how he felt. If watching my breaths become far and few made his heart skip beats too. Did he cry for me like I'm doing for him now? Did you blame yourself like I will for the rest of my life?_

"Oh god." Olivia covered her mouth as a sob arose from within. The nurse who had tried to stop her walked in and startled the detective.

"How? What? I don't understand." Liv's body shook and she braced herself against the wall.

"There was an explosion and when he and his daughter were blow…"

"His daughter? Which one? Where was this?"

"Maureen. She's okay though, just needed a few stiches. You didn't see her out there?"

Olivia shook her head no. Truth is; she didn't know who was out there waiting for some kind of news about the man lying lifelessly on the table in front of her.

"No, no I didn't." She ran her hand over her face.

"Yeah well as of right now, Maur and El are the only ones who made it out alive."

The last few words caught Olivia off guard.

"I'm sorry, what?"

Jackie led the brunette to the staff break room. Olivia could feel herself swaying slightly. Her stomach began to churn and acid burned the back of her throat. They were the only ones occupying the space so when the nurse began to speak, the sound of Olivia's gut wrenching sob echoed loudly.

"It seems as though Kath was cooking some meth in the house and when El and Maureen went to open the back door, there was a trip wire…"

"The kids!"

"They didn't make it."

The words cut Olivia like no other. She could feel herself choking on a sob and tried her hardest to stay strong but within the minute, she was in the nurses arms with tears flooding her face.

* * *

It's been hours since Elliot was wheeled into his hospital room and he's yet to wake up. Olivia sat to the left of him and stared blankly out the window. She continued to go over time and time again what she would tell the man when he woke up. She spent the first hour consoling the eldest Stabler who had managed to cry herself into what looked like a nightmare filled sleep. Olivia continued to rub circles on the young girls back and couldn't help but let a few tears fall again.

Cragen and the others including Casey had stopped by once they'd heard the news but Olivia only disclosed the heartbreaking information to the man she thought of as a father. And just like her, he too took it hard. She finally shook herself out of her thoughts long enough to write Kelly a text to see how the kids were doing.

Soon after, her phone buzzed with a text from the young woman replying that everything was fine on her end and or Olivia not to rush home, she was available for as long as she needed. Even with the tube coming out of Elliot's mouth and the IV's, Olivia stood up and put her jacket under Maureen's head and walked over to the bed where her boyfriend laid and got in. She could hear his heart beating and soon after she made herself comfortable, she allowed the soft pitter patter to lull her to sleep.

* * *

Olivia felt the warmth of the morning sun heat her face and for a moment, she forgot where she was. It wasn't until she felt a hand on her shoulder that she realized the man lying beside her was awake. She bolted straight up and looked to her right. Blue eyes shined back and her and tears began to fall out of her eyes with no signs of stopping.

Elliot tried to ask the woman what happened but the tube prevented him from doing so. Just as he was about to try and get her attention, a nurse walked in.

"Mr. Stabler you're awake."

The bubbly nurse walked over to the whiteboard that hung on the wall across from Elliot's bed. She wrote down her name and filled out all the other slots. When she was done she turned and faced the bed. Olivia got up and let the nurse go about her duties.

"So Mr. Stabler, you ready to get this tube out?"

He blinked as confirmation.

"Okay, on the count of three I want you to cough for me." The nurse shrugged on a pair of latex gloves and then wrapped her hands around the tube. At some point Maureen had woke up and was now standing next to Olivia.

"Okay detective, one, two, annnd three." Elliot continued to cough even after the tube was out.

"Water." The request was a whisper but still heard.

"I'll go get you some." This was the first time Maureen had said anything. She was out the door in record speed. Olivia could hear it in her voice that the young girl was beginning to cry.

"The kids?" He swallowed and winced. "Kathy is…" before he could finish, he started coughing again.

Olivia and the nurse shared a look that said it all.

"Why don't I go and let your doctor and everyone else out there waiting for you know that you're awake." On her way out, the nurse gave Olivia the most sympathetic look she could muster up.

Olivia made her way back over to the bed. For a moment, she wished the man hadn't woken up yet. Nothing could prepare her for this moment. It was like everyone outside the room hade some sort of plague and Elliot's hospital room was the only safe place. Until now.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Olivia began to speak. It took everything in her not to cry too soon. She knew that once she started crying, words were going to be few and far between.

"You were involved in an explosion. Kathy had a trip wire across the bottom of the back door and once you and Maur opened the door…" She trailed off trying her hardest to put off the bad news. "You've got three broken ribs one of which punctured your lung and you started bleeding into your chest but the doc…"

"The kids Olivia. Where are my kids? Do you think we could get the nurse to bring me a wheelchair so I can go visit the kids?" The urgency laced his voice and that's all it took to force Olivia's cheeks to begin quivering and tears to begin welling up.

"El, the kids aren't in a room on this floor…"

The man tried to get out of bed. "Well of course not, they're probably on the peds floor because even though they think they're grown, they are still…"

Liv tried her hardest to push the man back down against the pillows. Leave it to Elliot Stabler to almost lose his life less than twenty-four hours ago and try pushing himself to do things his body just…couldn't.

"ELLIOT!" When she realized how loud she'd said his name, she apologized softly. "El, the kids aren't up in peds." Olivia braced herself and then told the man that he and his eldest daughters were the only ones to make it out of the explosion.

"NO! You're lying!" Elliot threw the blankets off his body. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and before he knew it, he was making his way to the door but before he could even make it past the other side of the bed, Olivia was there. "Olivia, move! I've gotta go see my kids and make sure they're okay." The tears streaming down her swollen face was enough to let him know that this was no joke.

Soon enough the room began to spin and before his legs gave out, Olivia was there to usher him to the bed. Every inch of his body hurt. His chest the most but he couldn't figure out if that was from the surgery or his broken heart. As he laid in the bed, he couldn't bring himself to cry. He didn't want to believe what his girlfriend claimed was the truth. Instead, he stared blankly at the ceiling.

**AN:** I know it's kind of...i don't know…shitty but I promise, it'll get better


	17. Chapter 17

It had been three months since they had the funeral for the Stabler family. When asked by the hospital if he would be clamming Kathy's body too, he told them no. They called her parents and they too said that they did not know the woman lying in the morgue.

Olivia was currently on her way home with the kids. She had welcomed Elliot into her home once he'd gotten out of the hospital. At first, he refused but that first night after she'd dropped him off at his house; she didn't even bother to go far. He called her up practically sobbing and in no time, she was coming through the door.

In the back seat, Calvin and Jazlyn rock paper scissored for who was going to ask the inevitable.

"Mom, do you love El? I mean you two are having a baby so does that mean you're in love with him? Is he going to be our new dad? Are you going to love the baby more than us cause he or she is yours?"

"Hey!" Olivia pulled the car over. Once she put the car in park, she turned to face the two kids sitting in the back seat.

"We all know I'm not big on rules. As long as you respect me as your mother then we have no problem. But as of right this moment, I'm enforcing a new rule. For as long as you're alive, NEVER question my love for you guys. Yes, I do love Elliot and yes because of this baby he will always be around but you two and this baby will always come first."

"But what if the baby is cuter…"

Olivia turned to Calvin. "Hush your mouth. Babies are cute but you my love, you are handsome."

"What about me? Just because I call you Liv sometimes doesn't mean I don't think of you as my mom. I love you and you saved me. But the baby…"

"You are my beautiful babygirl. I don't care how old you get that's who you will always be to me. And I love you too and even though I didn't give birth to either one of you, that doesn't mean I love you any less than I would this baby."

"So are you and Elliot going to get married since you're having a baby together?"

This conversation was one that Olivia wished she never had to have. She was putting it off with the hopes that everything would just fall into place and no questions would be asked. But nope, instead she was sitting double parked blocks away from her home assuring her kids that she loved them. This is what she gets for procrastinating.

She opened her mouth to speak but just then the car phone rang. She turned back around and looked at the screen to see who it was. Elliot. She pushed the button on the dashboard to accept the call.

"Hey! We were just on our way home. What's up?"

"Hey guys, I was wondering what you wanted for dinner? I was thinking we'd make pizza?"

Olivia was surprised. Today was Elliot's first day back at work. She looked at the time on the screen. It was only four o'clock. She switched gears and continued to dive home. _What is he doing home already? It takes at least an hour and a half to get here from the job. _

"Yeah!" Both kids answered in unison.

"Okay. I've got everything set up. See you guys at home." Just like that, the call was over. Olivia didn't even get to say anything but maybe that was for the best. She didn't want to interrogate the man in front of her children. Instead, she'll wait until after dinner. That was considered their designated "adult time" in which everything from sex to who was going to carpool was done and discussed.

"Mom, you should totally marry El. I know he just lost his family but maybe…" The young girl trailed off into silence.

Olivia looked at the kids through the rear mirror. "Why don't we table this conversation for now." They drove in silence the rest of the way.

* * *

Olivia stood in front of the full body mirror. She could hear her kids and Elliot downstairs laughing and having fun making pizza with Elliot. With nothing but her bra and underwear on, she caressed her expanding belly. Now five months, she was noticeably pregnant. It seemed to happen overnight almost. One day she fit in her size six jeans and the next she was wearing sweatpants because none of the buttons on any of her pants could meet the whole on the other side.

She rubbed coco butter over her bulge, hell bent on keeping her stomach stretchmark free. The baby kicked under her hands and she smiled. The feeling was something she was sure she'd never get used to.

"Have I told you lately how beautiful you are?"

Olivia jumped at the voice. She quickly walked over to the bed and shrugged on the silk robe.

"Liv, you don't have to cover up for me." This was the usual. No matter how much El told her she was beautiful, she still got shy around him and wouldn't dare let him see her naked.

"Where are the kids?"

"I sent them to do their homework while the pizza bakes." He walked over to the bed where his lover sat. "Time had flown by. I can't believe next week is their last day of class."

"Yeah, I know."

They fell into a comfortable silence.

"How was work?" Olivia really wanted to ask him why he was home so early but she opted against it.

"It was okay. I met my replacement."

"Oh yeah. Chris right?"

"Yeah, that's her."

"Her?"

"Yeah, surprised me too. It's short for Christalyn."

"That's a pretty name."

"Yep. She's cool. Told me I can have my job back whenever I wanted to."

"Well she's got some balls." Olivia said with a chuckle.

"I quit."

At one point during the conversation, Olivia had laid back on the bed but what Elliot had just said had her flying up.

"What?"

"Well I didn't so much quit as I did put in my papers for retirement."

Olivia couldn't understand how the man was speaking so nonchalant like. Over the past months, they saw each other through breakdowns and breakthroughs. They promised to be there for one another and to never keep secrets. Liv knew that this wasn't technically a secret but it was something would have rather he consulted her about first.

"Liv?"

"When did you decide to do this?"

"On the drive to work, I stopped by my house. I walked in and out of every room. At one point I broke down in tears."

"Why didn't you call me, I would have met you there. You didn't have to go alone."

"No, I needed to. Liv, I allowed the job to come before my family on so many occasions and as a result, I lost everything." Tears were fresh in his eyes. "But when I was walking around the house, I could see which room would be C's and I could picture myself tripping over Jazzy's sports equipment and I the thought of bringing the baby home to that house just made me stop and thank god for the second chance he's given me."

Olivia slid closer to her lover and caressed his face. In the time since the tragedy that took Elliot's kids, she asked him if he wanted to sell the house because he was never there. His response was always no, not yet. He would tell her that when the time was right, he'd go back home. _I guess today was the right time._

"You, those two kids, Maur and the baby are all I have and I plan on doing whatever it takes to keep you all safe and happy."

"El…"

"Liv, you said a while back that you'd move in with me once the kids were out of school. Well, now's the time. I want to be moved in and settled before the baby comes…"

"El…"

"Since I don't have to work, I could take what I can in my truck over to the house..."

"Elliot stop! Take a breath." She too inhaled and exhaled deeply with the man. "Good. Now, I know I told you that we would move in with you but are you sure you're ready? I don't want you to rush into anything right now. I know it's going to be cramped in here with the baby and all but we can make it work if you're not ready."

"Liv, I'm ready."

"Are you sure? Because the kids, they asked me earlier if you were going to be their new dad and I love those kids El. I love them so much and I would hate for us to move in with you and…"

Elliot knew where this was going and he was going to stop it before it started.

"I asked you to move in before my kids…you know…yeah. I don't want you to think that I'm using Jazzy and Calv to fill some kind of void cause I'm not. I consider them just as much my kids as I do Maureen. We practically have the whole family thing down already. The only thing is that we'll be living somewhere else."

"I know you love them and so do I but I know losing your kids hurt me a lot too. I mean not only was I the god mother to almost all of them, I also thought of them as my own and…"

"OLIVIA JUST SHUT UP!"

Olivia's face twisted up in shock. The sudden outburst sent a chill down her back.

"El just relax, I'm sorr…"

"YOU'RE WHAT? YOU'RE SORRY? ALL I WANT YOU TO DO IS MOVE IN WITH ME AND YOU JUST KEEP GIVING ME THE RUN AROUND!"

Liv knew this was going to happen. This is what the man was known for. He would keep all of his emotions bottled up inside until something, small or large, triggered a breakdown. She stood to go and close the door only to feel his hand grab her by the forearm.

"El, let go of me!"

"NO, SIT YOUR ASS DOWN! I'M NOT DONE TALKING!"

Elliot whipped her around and slammed her down on the bed. The look in his eyes was one Olivia had never seen in all the time that they've been both lovers and friends. Her eyes grew big with fear and a scared sob escaped her lips. With her free arm, she covered her stomach.

"You know for a while, I blamed you for what happened to my kids. If you would have just told me about the baby in the first place, I wouldn't have let you come with me in that building and you wouldn't have gotten shot and lost it and then basically ran me out of the state…" The man was breathing heavy. He reached forward to undo the belt on Olivia's robe.

"El, please don't. the kids can hear you and your scaring them. Your scaring me." A sob escaped her lips but her voice was soft. Her lips quivered and she could feel her stomach tensing. Out of the corner of her eye, Liv could see the door moving a little bit.

"YOU KILLED MY KIDS! You Olivia! If it wasn't for you, they would be at home with me, alive! How do you expect me to give two fucks about your kids when you didn't even give one about mine, the one you were carrying!"

"El, please don't do this. You need to think about this baby that I'm carrying. Your baby. And Maureen too. She still needs her father. Please, just don't do this." Olivia was begging now.

"We both know this baby isn't mine! It's that bastards baby and I'm happy about that. I don't want you carrying my child and I refuse the claim anything that has any connection to you." He slapped her across her face which gave off an awful echo throughout the room.

"Get of my mommy!"

Jazlyn came running in with both hands gripped around her hockey stick. Once she reached Elliot, she collided the sick with the back of the man's head. Over and over again she hit him. It wasn't hard enough to knock him out but it was enough to distract him and allow Olivia to roll from underneath him.

Liv made a dash for her child and the door. Her whole body hurt but getting Jazzy out of the room and to safety with her brother was her goal. They were half way to the kids room when something pulled Liv back.

"Where do you think you're going?" He snatched up her ponytail and wrapped it around his hand.

"Jazzy, go call 911, NOW!"

"Jazlyn, DON'T MOVE"

Everyone paused when they heard the safety of a gun being released. Slowly, Jazz turned around only to be met with the sight of Olivia with a gun to her head.

"Elliot, please don't hurt her!"

"Shut up!"

El was at a loss. He wanted revenge. In his mind, this was the only way.

"Calvin, come out here now!"

The young girl pressed her lips together to stop from crying out. Tears and snot coated her face. Her room was to the left of her and she could see Calv creeping out of the closet. Prior to her barging into her mother's room, she sent the boy out into the living room to get the cordless phone. She closed her eyes with the hopes that the boy had the right mind to call the cops.

A short time later, sirens could be heard a short distance away. Elliot looked up and tightened his grip on the gun. He aimed it at Olivia's stomach.

"Who called the cops?"

"I…I…di..did."

"No, I did." Jazlyn's voice was strong and unlike her brothers, wasn't laced with fear.

Cars screeching could be heard and signaled that law enforcement had arrived. Elliot had to think fast. As they sat on the carpeted floor in the hallway, he couldn't help but let a few tears escape. This wasn't how he wanted things to go. He never wanted to scare the kids and his girlfriend.

El dropped the gun on the floor next to him. "I'm sorry." He said it loud enough to be heard by all three but he was mainly talking to Olivia.

Despite the pain in her lower abdomen, Liv forced herself to turn around in his arms. Quickly, she stood and pushed the gun down the hall. This wasn't Elliot. The man sitting on the floor scared her to pieces and if they ever somehow made it past this, she didn't know how she would be able to trust him again.

"Oh what, now you gonna shoot and kill me like you did Trevor?" The way his words slurred and were barley understandable gave the allusion that he was drunk. Maybe he was. He might not have been drunk off of any kind of liquor but he was defiantly drunk off of grief. Olivia wanted to lash out. That was a low blow. Given different circumstances, it if was just them, she probably would have.

"NYPD OPEN UP!"

Everyone inside the apartment jumped.

"Kids, go in the room…now!"

Olivia slowly backed her way towards the door. With her eyes on Elliot, she finally felt the cold nob on her back.

When she was sure the kids were in the room. She looked at El one last time. Making sure her rob was fixed, in one swift move, she opened the door.

"Ma'am, we got a call from this apartment saying there was a man with a gun…" As the young officer continued to talk, Olivia just stared blankly at his mouth.

_This is it Liv. You've got two choices. You let the man you love be arrested with the hopes that he'll get the help he needs or you turn the cops away, again, and possibly one day regret it._

Olivia didn't know what to do.

_Liv you can't help everyone. The man held a gun to your stomach and threatened to kill you and your children. I know you love him but you've got to love yourself and your family first. You can't allow this to happen again. Now step aside and let what needs to be done, happen._

Olivia's mind was right. This was something she couldn't control despite what her heart told her.

"Yes, my boyfriend he um…he…I think he's had a mental breakdown."

The cops came rushing in followed closely behind them were the paramedics.

"Ma'am are you okay? "

Olivia paid them no mind. Wanted to get her kids before all hell broke loose but cops had already swarmed her apartment.

"FREEZE!"

The lead officer's voice echoed and scared the living daylights out of the woman. When she jumped, a yelp escaped her lips causing everyone to turn and look at her. Elliot took this time to make his move. That though was not a smart idea.

Next thing you know, bullets were flying, kids were screaming and one person lay lifelessly on the floor. What started out as a man trying to get his girlfriend to move in with him turned into a living nightmare. At some point they would all regret their choices that they made that day. This wasn't how Olivia expected to have A Family Of Her Own.

**AN:** no worries, this is not the last chapter


	18. Chapter 18

**AN: **let's get one thing straight, I don't write for the reviews. If you don't like what I put up, don't read it. I know I'm jumping around a lot but this is the last chapter that I will be doing that, I promise. Again, if you don't care for my writing, then do yourself a favor and just click the [X]. For everyone who is still reading, enjoying and reviewing, thank you!

Four years later.

"Mommy, Mommy lookit me!"

Olivia smiled as her daughter. She was the exact replica of her father. Everything from her dirty blonde hair to her blue eyes screamed Elliot. The only thing that Olivia could take credit for was the girls spitfire attitude. If she didn't look down to see the baby come out during the birth, she could have sworn someone had switched babies on her.

"I see you big girl. Be careful!"

"I will mommy."

Liv continued to watch her young child play on the jungle gym. This was her first day off since she'd went back to work after maternity leave that wasn't filled with some kind of appointment or didn't consist of a sick child. She looked at her watch. They'd left for the park right after breakfast and lunch and nap time were quickly approaching. She knew that if they stayed any longer, the young girl would eventually get cranky and turn a beautiful day into a long and drawn out one.

"Kyla, its time to go." Making sure the girl safely got her feet back on the ground, she scooped her up and blew raspberries onto the tiny tot's stomach earning a giggle that made Liv laugh right along with her.

"Mommy st…stop…I no..I no breathe…"

Olivia blew one last zurbert and then put the girl down in her stroller. Once she buckled her in, she crouched down to the young girls level.

"Sunshine, what should we have for lunch?"

"Food mommy, duuuuuuhhhhhh."

Olivia chuckled. Kyla also inherited her sense of humor from her mother and while Liv knew it might cause problems once the girl was older, for right now, it was still cute and could make some of the worst day better.

"I know that silly girl. I mean what kind of food do you want to eat?"

"Ummm…pizza?"

"Ky, we just had pizza for dinner last night. Think of something else."

The tot watched other kids play on the jungle gym but she was really in a daze. Her little mind raced trying to figure out what else she wanted to eat. Finally she turned her head back to Olivia as if a light bulb had just went off in her mind.

"Chipotle mommy please?"

Even since the first time Jazlyn gave her little sister a little bit of her burrito, the young girl has been hooked. Olivia had to admit, the Mexican restaurant did sound good and since they'd put a kids menu up, ordering wasn't such a chore anymore.

"Okay, sounds good to me." She kissed the crown of her daughters head before standing up and moving to the back of the stroller.

"Mommy, can we watch Finding Nemos again?" Though by now the movie was far older than the girl could imagine, it was still her favorite movie.

Hearing the girl pluralize the name always made the detective smile. "How about we take the food home and I'll let you watch Finding Nemo while you eat. Sound good?"

"Mmmhhhmmm."

They continued the walk to the restaurant. Olivia couldn't shake the feeling that someone was watching them though. Maybe it was her being a mother or maybe it was the detective in her but something just wasn't right.

* * *

"How you doin over there sunshine? Food taste good?"

Ky looked up at her mother from where she sat on the floor. Her face was covered with rice and beans. She nodded and smiled. The toddler turned back to the TV and went about her business.

Olivia looked at her watch. Four o'clock. It wasn't until the beginning of the school year that she allowed her thirteen and fourteen year old to go to school and come home by themselves. She went out and got them each cell phones and even put a tracker in it just in case. They knew that if they didn't call her by four-thirty, she would have every NYPD cop out there looking for them.

Right on cue the house phone rang.

"Hello?"

Usually the caller ID came up on the TV but since Ky was watching a movie, Olivia only assumed it was one of her kids.

"Hello?"

No one on the other end answered. Thinking nothing of it, she hung up and went back into the living room where her child now laid sleeping. She picked the girl up and put her down on the couch. After she finished wiping Ky's face and cleaning up all the food, the phone began to ring again.

"Hello?"

"Hey ma, we're on our way home."

"Okay babygirl. I'll see you when you get here."

They both hung up. Olivia went into the kitchen to get a snack ready for her kids.

* * *

"Mom, we're home."

Both teenagers dropped their book bags at the door and walked into the kitchen.

"Mom?"

Jazz looked through the fridge and got out a Capri sun for herself.

"Jaz! C! Your homeeeeeee."

Ky came down the steps. Once she got to the last one, she jumped off.

"Hey guys, sorry we were up stairs."

Kyla ran over to her big sister and put her arms up. Jazlyn picked up the little girl and threw her over her shoulder earning a big laugh from the tot.

"Jazzy!"

Olivia laughed at her two favorite girls.

"How was school guys?"

"Eh, same ole same ole."

Calvin grabbed the bag of Doritos and walked up to his room.

"Jazzy, mommy got me Chipotle today!"

"Oh really?" she flipped the girl back over and put her down on one of the bar stools. "I'm jealous! Was it good? Did you save me some?"

"Yeah! It was the awsomest! But I forgoted to save you some. I sowwy."

"No problem kid." She pulled on one of the girls pigtails and then left the kitchen.

Olivia chuckled and walked over to her daughter.

"Sunshine, how about you go hang out in the playroom while mommy makes dinner. Sound good?"

"Okay mommy."

Liv lifted the girl off the stool and watched her run into the other room.

"Should we tell her?"

"What are we going to say Calv, that we saw El standing outside of our school and while it might seem a little stalker-ish, don't worry…"

"Okay Jazz, I get it. Nevermind." He rolled his eyes at his sister and went back to doing his homework.

"Plus, we don't even know it was him. I mean it's been years since we've seen him. I think we wanted it to be him but it's not." Jazzy shook her head. She didn't know who she was trying to convince herself or her brother.

"But…"

"Shut the fuck up Calvin!"

"Ohhh Jazzy saided a bad worrrrrdddd!" Ky yelled from the playroom.

Olivia was cutting up vegetables in the kitchen. The sound of the knife hitting the board, pasta boiling and other vegies sautéing all echoed but once she heard the commotion, everything seemed like it stopped.

"I'm sorry, I could have sworn I heard someone curse in my house but it couldn't have been either one of you because you both know better." Olivia spoke as she walked out of the kitchen.

Both teenagers looked up. Liv's voice was calm. She wasn't like most mothers who, by now, would probably be yelling. But don't get it twisted; while her voice never went up, her point was always made known.

"It was Jazlyn, mommy!" Again, the little girl yelled from the other room.

All three of them rolled their eyes. Some kid show had taught her that honesty was the best policy and she never let anyone forget it. Olivia didn't at first but now the girl wasn't just being honest, she was being a tattle tale something her brother and sister scorned her for.

"Yes sunshine, I know. Thank you."

Olivia gave both teens a warning look and retreated back to the kitchen. Another thing she was infamous for is letting her kids think they were getting off scotch free only to lay their punishment on thick later.

That night after everyone was fed and in their room, the phone rang. Quickly, Liv picked it up praying that they chime echoing didn't wake the others.

"Hello?" Her voice was low.

Again, the person on the other side didn't say a word. She knew someone had to be on the other end because by now she would have heard a dial tone.

"Keep making it a habit of calling and not saying a word and I will make it my business to find out who you are." With that she pressed the end button and got herself ready for bed.

* * *

Olivia stepped out of the shower. The steam enveloped her body as she reached for her robe. Looking at the clock on the radio, she realized that she needed to go wake up her family. Opening the door, she padded into her room and quickly grabbed her clothes for the day and placed them on the bed to await her return.

Once out the bedroom door, she walked the few steps to Jazlyn's room. She knocked three times quickly and then opened the door.

"Up, up, up! Time for school babygirl." She waited until Jazz acknowledged the wakeup call and then turned and continued down the hall to her son's room, repeating the same thing. She soon found herself making her way back towards her room. She stopped at the room closest to hers and walked inside.

Kyla was lying sprawled out on her bed. On the weekends, the fact that all her kids could sleep until twelve was heaven for the detective. But school days proved to be the hardest. Walking over to the young girl, she sat down at the head of the bed.

"Good morning to Kyla, good morning to you. Good morning to Kyla and how do you do?" Olivia sang to the girl and gently rubbed her back, shaking her a little as well.

"Ky, time to wake up." Olivia said in a sing song voice.

The young girl, without fail, woke up with tears in her eyes. She sat up on her knees and looked at her mother. With a whimper, she lunged her body straight into Liv's arms. This was an every morning routine.

"Time to wake up pretty girl." She continued to rub small circles on her back. "What would you like to wear today Ky?"

She stood and the tot tried her hardest to nestle even further into the crock of her mother's neck.

"How about we…"

"I wanna wears a dwess mommy." Ky groggily spoke.

"Sunshine, today is a cold day."

"But I wanna wears a dwess." The tot whined.

"I love you sunshine, but today is jeans and a sweater okay? Good."

Olivia picked out the girls clothes and walked out the room.

On her way back to her room, she double checked on her other two kids making sure they were up and almost ready. When she saw was satisfied, she traveled the short distance back to her room. It was a rule that everyone in the house had to take a shower the night before so that if they happened to be running late the next morning, that was one less thing that needed to be done. It also eliminated the fighting that would without a doubt be taking place over the bathroom every morning.

"Okay Ky, I need you to change out of your jams for mamma and put these on." Olivia placed the girl in the middle of her bed and then walked over to the other side. When she was sure that the girl was doing what was asked of her, she started changing for work.

Walking out of the bathroom with toothpaste surrounding her mouth, she looked at her child.

"Ky, come potty before we go down for breakfast."

Kyla scooted to the edge of the bed and slid off. Just like her mother, she too was independent.

All three kids sat at the island in the middle of the kitchen eating various breakfast foods. Olivia stood behind her youngest French bradding her hair upon request.

"Everyone's homework done?"

"Mmmhhhmmm" Was breathed from both teens.

"Good!"

When she was done, she walked over to the safe and punched in the four numbers that were required to open it. She retrieved her gun and attached it to her belt.

"Okay, I'm leaving in five minutes. If you guys want a ride to school, meet me in the car." She yelled as she retreated back up the stairs.

She checked every room. Something felt off but she pushed it out of her mind. Walking into her room, she grabbed her blazer out of the closet and then shoved her car keys and cell into the pockets. Walking out she walked back downstairs. She wasn't surprised when she found herself standing alone in the kitchen. _I love me some teamwork!_

She walked over to the garage door and set the alarm before walking out.

* * *

Olivia walked into the bullpin juggling her coffee in one hand and her partners non-fat, five pump, half caf tall vanilla latte. Starbucks never was her thing but after she had Kyla and started working again, she found herself at the coffee house at least twice a day and if it wasn't her then it was her partner, Juliet.

"Yo Benson, we've got a case!"

"Oh come on, can't I at least put my bag down? Maybe even turn on my computer. Or I don't know, possibly check my messages before we…"

"Shut up and come onnn Liv!"

Olivia rolled her eyes at her partners rude interruption but then smiled. She loved her partner like family and knew that she was only joking.

"You see, that's why I took the long way up and now your mocha choka lata yaya or whatever is cold." She stuck out her tongue at the bottle blonde walking past her.

Juliet was just an inch taller than Liv but would arguably say otherwise. Her personality was one that you couldn't help but love. She was the younger sister/best friend Olivia never had and since the brunette came back to work at the station they've been inseparable. So much so that there were rumors starting to go around that they were lovers.

Both of them knew that they were far from it but boy did they love to play along. On any given day you could find them slapping each others butts or sometimes after a long week you'd find them in the middle of the dance floor swaying to the music and occasionally with one another's tongue down their throat.

To say Olivia had come a long way from the detective she once was with the man she once loved would be an understatement. But don't get it twisted. She was still the best at what she did and no partner was going to ever take away the gift she had of being able to connect with the victims.

"You suck benboobs!"

The older detective laughed at the stupidness that was her partner.

"And you swallow!" Olivia laughed as Juliet's drink went flying all over the mirror like doors.

They both did a light jog to the car once they were free of the precinct elevator. No sooner than they were in the car, they were off.

* * *

"Angelina Floor, age seven. Report says that her mother's boyfriend used her as his very own sex toy before beating her nearly to death in front of dear old mommy. Doc said it's a miracle she's still alive but he put her into a coma." Julie scribbled some more on her note pad and then looked up at her partner.

She could feel the eyes on her. "I hate this. The kids I mean. It doesn't help that I have three at home either."

"Liv, if you wanna…"

"No, lets do this." She knew that the other lady was going to ask because she always did. She was going to suggest that they switch tasks. That Olivia take the pictures and Juliet move the body into various positions.

A few clicks of the polaroid and just about half way through, the monitors started going crazy. Juliet jumped back knowing that at any minute the room would be flooded with doctors and nurses.

They both carefully backed out of the room once the curtain had been pulled, blocking their view. Retreating back to the nurses station, they claimed the little girls belongings for evidence and made their way out of the hospital.

"Sometimes I hate this job more than anything in this world!" Olivia breathed out as they walked to the car. Just as she was about to get into the drivers seat, her phone vibrated. Looking at it she realized she had a new text. The number was unknown but after reading the message, she knew exactly who it was from.

* * *

Olivia parked her SUV outside the restaurant she often frequented. She took out her phone and reread the text she had received early on that day. Her mind raced a million miles. Quickly, she contemplated not going inside. A part of her wanted to put the truck into drive and go home to her kids but the better part of her knew she needed this.

Stepping out into the cool night air she strode her way right into the old stomping ground. She didn't even bother to stop when the hostess addressed her. She could see her intended target sitting in the all too familiar corner of the oddly deserted restaurant. Somewhere between the car and the booth, she had given herself a pep talk.

She didn't know why though because once she got to her destination, the once strong persona was now anything but.

"Detective."

She tried to force a smile as she slid into the booth. Her heart was now beating so fast that she had to breathe through her mouth.

"What do you want?" Olivia exhaled.

She thought she was ready for this but her mind was saying different. _That's the tricky part ain't it, which one do you go with, mind or heart?_ In this case, she was already here so…_ looks like the heart wins._

"Liv I…"

"Elliot, my name is Olivia. You no longer have the privilege of calling me Liv." Her voice so calm that to the naked eye, they looked as though they were old friends catching up. But then again, wasn't that what they were, old friends.

"Olivia I just…"

"Just what Elliot? Just wanted to…"

"I really would like it if you would please let me talk!" His voice harsh but low. Like the woman sitting across from him, he too preferred if everyone wasn't in his business.

"Fine, go."

"I really want to apologize for everything that happened…"

Olivia rolled her eyes. "You know what, I changed my mind. I don't really want to hear your bullshit tonight. Its been a long day." She stood and walked the same path she did when she came in.

As she made her way over to her car she saw something familure. As she struggled with her memory, she could hear her name being called behind her. Quickly, in order to avoid the man she left sitting in the restaurant, she got into her car and drove off nearly running her once lover over.

* * *

Later that night after dinner was made and baths were taken. After stories were red and homework was done, Olivia sat against her headboard with a glass of wine in one hand and the tv remote in the other all the while jugging her phone between her shoulder and ear.

"I can't stand this Honey Boo Boo shit."

Juliet's voice came through the receiver and startled Olivia back into reality.

"I know neither can I but it's funny in the…"

"Disgusting kind of way?!" They both laughed.

"Sooo, are we not going to talking about you going to see you know who tight?"

"There's nothing to talking about JJ. I shouldn't have gone."

"Damn gurl, it was that bad?"

"I barely let him get a word out. Once he started with that 'I'm sorry' crap, I shut him down." Olivia took another sip of her wine and turned the tv off. She just wanted to melt into the sheets. "Listen Juels, I'm gonna turn in. I've got a lot on my mind. See you tomorrow."

"Alright. But I'm here if you wanna talk. You know me, always awake." She would never admit it but she stayed up most nights battling nightmares caused by her job.

"Night."

"Nighty night Livie."

Olivia hung up and put her phone back on the hook. As she about to slide back down into the covers and prepare to let sleep wash over her, she saw that she left the candle burning on the windowsill.

"Damnit!"

She got up and shuffled her way over to the burning flame and blew it out. As she turned to head back to her bed, something caught her eye. A car. She knew she'd seen it before. It looked like the same car that was parked outside of the restaurant. The same car that caused her pause earlier in the evening.

_Liv you're driving yourself crazy. Stop it and go to sleep._ She walked back over to the bed and fell into it. The detective in her wanted to go out there and see who'd been stalking her but she was too tired. Within minutes of her head hitting the pillow, she was out.

Sitting outside was a man. A man who vowed to get his family back.

**AN: **Okay so I know I did a big jump but I promise it'll be the last…at least for a little while. I lost my muse for writing but lately I've been getting reviews asking for me to continue so I hope this was enough for now. It isn't my best, I'm sorry.

Oh and odds are, in upcoming chapters, I probably won't be writing too much about the job. I really just want to focus on Liv and the kids and yeah. Plus, as you can tell, I'm not too good at it.


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